I didn't find myself,
I just shut myself away because I was the youngest kid and everyone looked down at me.

I just want my space, I wanna sit in my own place,  
with book and a fire,

for once I'd like to not cry myself to sleep, or wake up feeling numb.

For once I'd like to know what's it's like to know who I am.

For once I'd like to wake up
and not have to consciously remind myself that I have things to do.
I'd like to wake up not feeling tired.
I'd for once like to wake up and be glad that I have.

Just once, just once I'd like to meet a girl, go on a few dates,
and actually fall in love with a total stranger,
not someone I spent time working out their issues
and then helping them.
Because then they'll only ever see me as their solutions.

Just once I'd like to grab a coffee with someone and talk about the world with them.

Just once I'd like to feel that I'm not alone, I'd like to be normal.

I'm living lies as a death sentence runaway.
A panicked decision to fake it cause I won't make it.


17, and a third of the way through my life.
 17, with a list of lovers longer than my age

17, a fatal heart disease inherited from my father
17, with global connections in every continent

17, an increased risk of cancer from both parents
17, with a planned career for straight out of college

17, a hearing issue that slowly gets worse
17, with several classic cars in storage

17, with at most 40 years
17, with likely 30

17 and living lies as a death sentence runaway