Yes I gave up on happiness,
Because I get attached to the idea,
want it, need it. And it doesn't happen.

And it's hopes and dreams built up to come crashing down.
I'd rather wish and pray and give happiness to others than waste my life hoping for happiness to find me.

I'm not important when I can make others happy. What's one person compared to many? So what if I only talk to about three people, if I can make them guys happy that's more important than me being happy.

I'd quite happily starve myself so my friends could eat. I'd lay down my life in a heart beat to save any one of them.

And that's why I don't want my happiness, what's my happiness compared to others?

Why can't I be happy any more?

Because I can't have it ripped away from me anymore.

I write the best poems when I'm sad,
I draw the best when i have emotion,
I play guitar best when all I feel is blue.

I'm only used by people.
I love helping people,
I'm a selfless person,
I'd give away my last penny if it meant that a homeless guy could eat,
I'd give anything to make my friends smile,

But me?
I don't matter. Not to me.

Truth be told, I love everyone, no matter who they are, what they did, if they needed me there for the right reasons I'd be there.

Why?

Because I feel it's why I was put here, i won't be massively successful, I know that, but I'll be one of the best at what I do. I reckon I was put here to make others happy.

I guess whoever decided that thought that I'd not need to be happy myself

Isn't it funny,
how we're both sat in different parts of the city, and looking at the same stars?

Isn't is beautiful, to think that the sky looks so pretty for me and you, and there's nothing I'd rather see than you?

The stars rise every night, but we don't always see them, we're either to busy or we're asleep or it's too cloudy.
But still we watch and we never give up on them.

Just like I'll never give up on you,
You're my supernova, my ending, the destruction of everything I've ever known. You're beautiful, destroyed but beautiful and still giving out light.

So I sit, here on my ledge, looking up at the stars, the second most beautiful thing in existence, and I picture you.
You're barely a mile away, but you may as well be a thousand.
But I'll never forget you, you never forget someone you love.

"why do you love me?"

"why do you love the stars?"

"they're pretty and make me happy"

"then you have your answer"

I'd love to just message her and say

"I love you,  I have since I first saw you, and it ***** that I have had to sit and watch you be
abused, mistreated, hated, and left;

When I want nothing more than to make you smile.
You don't know how much it hurts,
when you start talking about someone who you love

Yet you forget I exist and I have to pretend to be all happy
When all I really want to do is sit and cry,

And I smile, but it's bittersweet,
Because I'm happy when you're happy, but I wish I was the reason you're happy and I know I'm never gonna be. And it *****, I love you space ranger"

I can't tell her that, no matter how much I want, because it's not fair on her

It's all over and that's it.
You're dead.

But others aren't. They have to live with your decision.

What about the boy or girl who loves you? How would they feel?

What about your friends and family? Would you want them to cry?

Death isn't the end of everything. It blames you for all the hurt you will cause.

I don't want to see you hurt. I know you don't care for me, I'm fine with that. Just let me keep you safe.

Let me care for you, please.

Please stop hurting yourself.

What if I'm that boy who loves you?

You took my number.
You smiled.
I smiled.
I was scared.
I didn't get your number.

You called.
It wasn't your phone....

When I get your number, will you call?

It's 7:58 am and I'm sat in a car park,
I've been up since four, running from 4:30-6:00, when I stopped to have breakfast,

Two bits of toast!

And then I rode to where I am now, work!
Only I didn't plan it through....
I bonked, went wobbly, so I sat down, and made a cup of tea, and that is the story of herb tea and bonking