It was almost midnight and I was finally going to do it, **** myself. I prepared the note apologizing because that's how your suppost to write those things right? As I hung the rope up high, all these thoughts ran through my head, memories of us hit me like a train all at once, as the rope got tighter and tighter, This weird thought came into my head, that there was a chance me and you getting back together, and in that moment everything stopped, as I was  breaths away from my last I got the rope down, I was down on the floor gasping for air, thinking I was almost dead, but you saved me. Only one thought. It was You.

Addicting
Inside of me
Painful
Makes me happy
Messes with my head  
Can't stop thinking about it
Always wanting it
But, one day it's gone
I feel lost, doing anything to bring that special feeling back
I can't get my mind to stop thinking about it.
Then I think back to how it all got started, & it all began with "Hello nice to meet you"

You are so addicting like **** injected into a drug addicts arm. The rush through their blood is the kind of rush I get when you kiss me. You're smile is like waking up to the sun in your eyes because it shines so bright. Hugging so tight I lose my breath, Just like I lost my breath the first time I saw your face. They say great things take time and I believe that's why you came back into my life after being gone for so long. Seeing the universe just by looking into your eyes. Know the true meaning of "being in love" just by hearing your name. Laughing so hard i fail to catch my breath. Singing songs on the radio so loud people from miles away could hear. Knowing what "happiness" means just by looking at you.

There was a calm before the storm
the last time you said you loved me, it got dark and my mind said to "take cover now"
It came rushing in like you came rushing in my room when I took a whole bottle of pain pills one night, rain fell from my eyes that flooded my pillow with 12 inches of tears
Thunder shattered my heart as if it was the the glass in the picture frame you gave to me.
Lighting struck so hard in my body reminding me how much you were in me.
The next morning everybody woke up and saw the damage you had done to me.

I told my friend that I wanted to **** myself and she said that I needed to talk to my mom about it, So I just walk up to my mom and say "Hi mom, I want to **** myself how was your day?" It's not that easy, A family who thinks you're happy and always likes to sleep because your "lazy" This one time I tried to tell my mom I wanted to take my life and it didn't work, My sister came in the room and was being the good kid as always and then they both walked out of my room. Leaving me with suicidal on my mind while their laughing in the other room, I look at myself in the mirror but as I look closer I can't find myself, as if I was invisible.

the trees sway back and forth, whispering into the darkness. No one knows what they whisper about but the voices you hear some people cannot understand, it's the trees talking to you. Some saying "come save me, come find me" , maybe even saying "I am safe". The whispers you hear are not only in your head but they are in your heart also. Something about the whispers sound like a voice you've heard before. You find yourself going into the woods more and more often after realizing it's the persons voice you miss the most.

We use to laugh together, but all the laughing we do now is hidden behind an emoji.
Looking up at the stars and pretending they are your eyes.
Instead of hearing your voice i have to guess the tone of your voice in messages you send me.
Having to look back at pictures to see what your smile looks like because its been so long.
Going back through old voice mails to hear you say "I love you." just one more time.
Now here I stand at my bedroom door because I can't bring myself to lay in my bed it feels so empty without you.
I now hear the words "I'm leaving" from people and know their not coming back.
Realizing I won the "I love you more" game.

You left me with two answers, to ethier
Give up or move on
I didn't want to choose
But I couldn't just leave it unanswered
So say I picked the first one, giving up.
I give up and drop everything making it seem like you were never a part of me, when really you were everything. I have to pretend like you didn't matter to me, like I never really wanted to be with you, But you're all I wanted.
Or say I pick moving on. The next boy comes along and all I can think about is you. It's not suppost to be like this it was suppost to be you, But wait, You moved on before me. Then I realized there was three answers, You never loved me.

Fall, where the season starts to get cold. Lucky for us this means we have an excuse for wearing long sleeves now without it being 90 outside. When i say "us" I'm talking to the outcast out there, the ones who go to bed every night thinking the world would be much better without them. I'm talking about the kids who wake up every single day dragging themselves out of bed when they expected to be dead. Fall through the winter is our favorite seasons. We can hide all of our scars and fresh cuts under a simple piece of clothing. Nobody knows why we love winter so much, until one day it gets to hot outside and you have two choices, pass out from a heat stroke or take the sweater off, but then
everyone would know why you wear
long sleeves
so much.

I'll leave my house for school in the morning and then I'll come home in the afternoon. I ask myself every day "Am I really home?" It doesn't feel like it. I use to have that heart warm feeling walking into my house as if I were safe, But now whenever I walk in the door I feel like I could get murdered at any second. This one time I tipped over a glass of tea my mom was drinking and said "my life is great" then lost it and started crying then went to my room. The whole house got silent and nobody came to check on me. Then I knew, my family didn't care that much about me.

I'm confused on whether or not this is a storm or the memory of you leaving. The wind is so strong it's like you coming and going as you did before. The rain is falling so hard as the tears from my eyes fell when you said your last goodbye. Thunder so loud, just as loud as your voice would raise as you screamed and ran out the door. the wind picks up things that will never return to the same place as before, just as you did when you left forever. Lightening so bright almost as bright as your smile lit up a room. The sky, so depressing just like you said I was. So which is which, Is this a storm or just another memory of you leaving?