My life would be complete
If I were to die right now
All because of this song
That has blasted in my ears
for only the past twelve minutes
but I'm sure I'll listen to it for another hour
before I finally drift to sleep
with the music still in my ears
so if I didn't wake up
as least I died happy

I don't know how many understand this feeling
the notes connecting with your soal
so they sing in harmony
as a wave of relaxation crashes over you
to the beat of this rhythm
that you'll sure you'll never forget
so that when your sixty
you'll tap your feet the same as you do now
and feel this joyful emotion
in your final waking hours
because I don't think I'll ever connect to anything more than I do to this melody

I don't think I've ever missed anyone
The feeling feels unknown
frightening
Because whilst I take notices of people absences
Because whilst I care about them deeply
I've never had the feeling
Of feeling alone without them
Of wondering what they're doing
Of wanting them to be thinking about me
My heart has never ached for them
to have them by my side

Im unsure this makes me bad
a bad daughter
a bad sister
a bad friend
an undeserving figure in others lives
Do I not merit their loving care
or their warm bright stare?

lines used to swarm my arm
whilst tears dropped down my face
now the scars have faded, disappearing
whilst tears drop down my face

Being Gay is just a phase!
These words are always on their lips
Shared through grownups chatter
and by the always buzzing media

But then without an ounce of compassion
When we're meant to be finding ourselves
Our freedoms is taken
Our actions are restricted
Our etiquette is controlled

Until we grow old when
They say we'll be more responsible
That we'll have learnt how to act
The proper way we should behave
But I know the way I want to be
So if I have to hide it
In order to stop their talk and gossip
Until I'm deamed worthy to think for myself

So when they used to say
that being gay is just a phase
that we could change our brains
they instead taught us to conform
to keep things how they always have been
so we'll grow old and lose our charm
to be how they want us to be

I love being home alone

The peaceful knowledge
of having no expectations placed onto you

The welcoming silence
of solely your own voice and opinions

The loving embrace
of the warm air all to yourself

I love being home alone
Just me and the walls
But sometimes it gets dark
The sun setting early
The air becoming stiffer
Aware of my idleness

I'm always worried people hate me
That they see my name in the notification and sigh
That they dread seeing me but feel guilty not to
That they say my name with spite and anger
when telling others about me

I see people and my eyes light up
I think there's do too
They have a bright smile stretched over their face
which I don't even know if it's true
or a false facade to hide their rage

My days been a horrible one
for no specific reason.
I lay in bed I'm boredom
scrolling endlessly on my phone
in a desperate attempt to preoccupy my mind
away from the decisions that plague me

All day I tried to break this curse
of this neverending scroll.
My attempts to pry my face from the screen
have been continuously unsuccessful

However, now the rain does fall outside
comforting me greatly
even in the peak of summer
the world does give me the greatest gift
the ocean
the rivers
the ponds
falling outside my window

So with my cat sleeping by my side
I vow to drop my phone and pick up my book
as though I may not get up from my vertical position
as though the sun's getting ready to sleep
this day is still mine and I'll spend it how I please