I don't want to sleep

I wake up unmotivated
It's another day to waste
Always on my phone
Prisoned by my thoughts
I'd do anything to keep me busy

Yet, i still don't want to sleep

I worry about my future
Is this really what i want to be in
Am i going to the right path
Or am i wasting my time with this so called "dream"
I just want to be free

I don't want to sleep

I don't want tomorrow to come
I don't want another day to worry
I don't want to feel trapped
I don't want the end to be near
I no longer see the future with me in it

So i just don't want to sleep

She cries
Cause she'd had enough
But **** life!
Giving her more
She's just a kid
She can't take it all in
She has noone to lean on
Noone to talk to
So please, life
Be nice to her
Be gentle with her
And don't let her take you away from her

i have a problem
i thought you'll help
but something happened
you turned out to be the problem

I think I should stop
Stop caring for what others might think
Think about me and the things I do
Do what I want and not what they want
Want what's been missing in my life
Life that has given me a lot
Lot of problems and joy
Joy that seems to be so far
Far from what I imagined it would be
Be good to others and make them smile
Smile or at least make them laugh
Laugh their hearts out to forget
Forget the things that aren't good
Good to me nor good to them
Them people who only want what's best
Best of people and best of times
Times that I shouldn't be wasting
Wasting on nonsense or so
So I really think I should stop
Stop and just be happy

I have a family
But my sister hates me
I don't know about my parents
And my brother, too
My little sister, she's the only one that can truly make me happy
My friends, I guess they won't understand me
They have their own life
But I love them all
This may not be a poem
But what the heck?
My tears are flowing!
It hurts so bad that noone seems to notice me
It's like they don't wanna get involved with me
As a result, I get nervous everytime I talk
I just don't show it
I don't have that special someone
That I can tell everything to
From my ups and downs
To what's on my mind
Noone dared to ask me about my life
About how I feel
About how I think about them
About everything
I even think I'm not normal anymore haha
I don't know
I feel so empty
This is my second time to cry at night
Where noone can hear me
Noone, I guess

There you are
Standing so far
Can't reach you
How I wish I could feel you

Now you're by my side
Thought I could never find
Someone like you
Cheering me up when I feel blue

Don't know why
But did I just see you smile?
Listening to me when I talk
Won't turn your back and walk

I feel so happy
For you are always with me
Hope this would be forever
For I would let you go never

Why do I feel this way?
Like people left me behind.
And now I'm all alone.
With noone to hold on.

Can someone come to me?
And tell me that everything's going to be alright.
'Cause I know I'm not.
And I don't think I handle more of these *****.

Life for me is hard.
And so as for you, I guess.
But I wish that someday one will come to me and say,
"it's alright, I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you on your own."

And there they are.
My savior, my light, my love.
Jesus, the answer.
And God, the one that's been there for me all along.

Once upon a time
I stared right at nowhere
Confused about stuff
Hoping to have answers

Why am I here?
What am I doing with my life?
Am I ready to give up my soul?
Or I'm just trying to make things more complicated?

What should I do?
I don't know anything anymore
What happened to the happy life I once have when I was a little kid?
Did it vanish the same way bubbles pop?

Should I make a big change in my life?
Or should I just stay still as others pass by?

I'm sorry
I never notice
Your annoyance
Everytime I'm sharing
Stories that I thought
You'd love to hear
But instead
You'd rather not hear

I'm sorry
For I get excited
And I wanted to share it
To the person I cherish
Among the audience around me

I'm sorry
Please be gentle
In every word you tell me
'Cause without you knowing it
I already cried a million bucket of tears
For all the rejections
I get from you

I'm sorry
But don't worry
I'll soon change
For the better, of course
Hope you'll love
The new me
'Cause it's for you
And for me too

But lastly
I'm sorry
For loving you too much
That I didn't even feel
The hatred you have for me

I do admire you for so long
I do care for like a song
I do listen to you attentively
I do take you seriously
I do talk to myself
I do laugh at myself
I do cry everytime you leave
I do smile everytime you're near
I do feel hurt when you're with her
I do feel flattered when you're with me
I do love you so so much that
I do get jealous because of that

I'm always by your side,
watching your every glide.
I kept on telling jokes that would make you laugh,
but instead I made you cough.
I look at you deep within my eyes,
but you always give me eyes filled with ice.
I hope you will soon notice
my every glance when like this,
aching and feel like dying.
I've tried so many times to tell you what I'm feeling,
but I'm scared thinking you'll never listen.
But maybe someday,
I'll tell you what I've been hiding.
For the sake of my heart,
I'll tell you I love you.

You saw me crying
But you didn't stop me
I thought you wouldn't care
So I continued what I'm doing
I saw a shadow
Infront of where I'm staying
Removing my hands off my face
I saw you with full of worries
I cried even more
'Cause I'm so happy
Knowing that you will be there for me

I gave my all
To the people I know
Thinking that they will do the same to me
But I was so wrong
Realizing my worth
Is like an empty purse
With nothing inside
And with nothing to value
Are you happy now
Looking at me with my head down
But I hope you don't mind
I borrowed a smile
From the people who cared
More than I thought someone like you would have done

I can feel my tears
Rolling down my cheeks
I can feel my hands
Trembling like the drums
I can feel my heart
Beating as it fall apart
I can feel my head
Aching as you fade
Not away from me
But away from all the memories we shared

I saw you walking down that stairs.
I smiled to myself saying,
I've seen the one.
The one who will take care of me, love me and be with me for the rest of my life.
You talked to me.
I was surprised.
You knew my name,
and I was more surprised.
I was so happy that day.
You asked me if we could meet again the following day,
and I answered you with a big yes.
Everything was perfect.
We keep on going to many places and explore the world.
It happened for a year, I remembered.
But as everything started fast,
it also ended fast.
I just woke up one day, without you by my side.
You left me like I was nothing to you, like I'm not special to you.
But what will I do,
If after how many years,
My heart still beats for you.

I always ask for happiness.
But why do you keep on giving me sadness?
Am I too useless,
For you to notice me less?
Look around, my friend
So you could see what the world is doing
To me and to other people
Who feel the same thing
I've been feeling.

It's a cold night here
But no one could hear
What I've been saying
Everytime I'm crying
I know you can hear me
But you won't dare to believe me
Please stop for a moment
So you can listen
To what my heart is shouting
Bear with my tantrums
For it's seldom that I say this
To someone who happened to pass by
I've been wanting to tell you
That I'm broken and so much hurting
With every words they tell me
Even if they are all true,
It still hurts like hell
Sorry if I'm taking your time
I just want someone to listen
To what my heart is truly feeling

People see
what they want to see;
But don't see
what I want them to see.
I tried being true,
but they thought it was a joke.
They thought I was saying the truth,
but I was telling a lie.
A lie that would make them all happy.
A lie that would look like I'm happy.
A lie that I want them to see,
to let them know I'm okay.
A lie that would mask all my achings away.
I lie to keep my burdens unknown.