I gave up looking for love
several days ago
I rearranged my room
gave myself a different name
my heart's run away
now I need a place to lay
a purse or a nurse
these are what I crave
surely I can say
lovers
one after the other have come my way.

But I'm all done with that
a nurse or a purse is what I crave
take care of these
my final days.

Wire monkey
mommy mother
eyes wide
Romanian orphans
salute

Methamphetamine
fetal alcoholism
poverty
stress
toxins in the air
chemical sunrise
heating up the elements
synthetic incandescent colors
glowing

the baby is too cute to be *******

generational incarceration

War war war
terror's images
better stock up on those medications
get those straight jackets all lined up
the next generation
is
here and coming.

Honoring commitment
or
Cutting your losses.
Knowing when to hold'em
Knowing when to fold'em.

Baby come home
you've been out there far
too long
dancing solo in dark
shadows
Comes and goes

Night that comes and time
extends
Sundown sky in fire red
desires leads further from
this true love

Baby come home
what provides relief
is going to **** you dead

Highways unfold long
time gone

Baby come home

No one awaits within
No one awaits without

You've been alone far
too long

Baby come home

I want to get
higher & higher
              &
         higher
until I explode
like a Super Nova
exploding particles everywhere,
Radio waves,
Microwaves,
Neutrinos dancing,
Read at installations
every where
Anamoly?
Some cowboys electric fence?
Or better yet
a cosmic event.

How high can I get?
                and
Have I got there yet?

A time of disorganization, neglect and
isolation; run ragged by desperation
and dark self destructive desires.
Who is in charge of these
mechanisms inside?  A raging glutton
of obsession; no defenses. Tearing it
all down until utter destruction
devastation
a destination without rescue.

Do my words in absentia
I won't be there
do my wife
do my strife
do my life
I won't be there.

Do my cares
do my woes
do my river flows
my Aspens singing in the winds and rains
my Rhotodendrines flowering in the spring
Night Blooming Jasmine memories
do them for me
in abstenia
I won't be there

They say
you live as long
as the memory of you remains
remember me
in abstenia
I won't be there. . .

When all is said and done
what do we become
old photographs
in an old slide show
with a distant relative
or an old friend
who gets your name
wrong
once again.

One small tiny planet
One minute individual
with a cluttered noisily
crowded mentality
all screaming for relief
and attention.

All blown up, puffed up
in this atomic moment
of consciousness
which seems forever
which circles into itself
with concentric circles
erupting, exploding into
words attempting to make
some sense of all of this

All twirling anxiety
and flopping sloppy lips
going a mile a minute
going no where
trying to make some sense
disappearing back into the
black void of silence
at least
in space no one can hear you scream. . .

Golden lady in a silver
moon
I reach for you
elusive you

In dreams we cannot
share
your presence fills me everywhere
heartbreak perfumes electrifies the air.

I search for you in a
silver moon
cascading light
in the longing night

I wish for you tho you are
not here -
in a one way love affair

Quiet my mind which
thinks of you
quiet my hands which
reach for you
quiet my heart which
opens to you.

Golden lady it's just
a silver moon
and dreams we cannot share...

Approached in
the parking lot
by a man,
Assault in his eyes.

"Here's $25
"Ought to get you high. "
Punched me straight on.

"I'm not a drug addict -
I'm a hungry man,
My brain's been scrambled since
I was 10,
Society's rules
are too complex for
me to bend,
I don't know what I'm supposed to do,
I'm running
I'm stopping
I keep trying to jump through all these hoops
I keep finding myself out of the loop,
No one's told me
the secret yet.
I've been lied to many times.

"I'm going to take your money tonight,
But I will leave you with the rest,
My hunger is an insatiable spot,
Desperation rots,
Get back in your car
drive away,
Don't tell a soul
what you saw
here
today. "

New and improved
Last year's model
is
No ****** good.

Cigarette butts
in an ashtray
thought bubbles
stinking
and
dead.

Billy never knew
he never existed
Outside of a creation
of my imagination
a childhood story told nightly
a night light
In which childhood fears hid
in its shadows
he was perfect
while I was flawed
he was brave
while I was always afraid
surrounded by friends
while I was always alone
he was an orphan
taken in by others
while my parents
were always gone
so striking every where he went
People looked to see him.

Billy died some time later
as exaggeration and pain set in
Tho he still sometimes comes around
to see how we're doin
we have no words
left to say
as childhood has slipped away. . .

towards abusin
I'll be movin on

Hard enough on myself
I don't need you
to tell me the rest,
Once again about my lack of wealth.

My life it is too precious
to be hanging in,
If you don't like who I am
it's time for me to be
movin on.

I'm not trying to offend you
but you always act so insulted

We all have our areas of insanity,
But yours keep hurting me,
I guess it's time to pack on up,

"Good try"
in destroying me

I'll finally be laughing
all the way down the road.

Feels so good to be free,
A thousand pounds lifted off of me,
No grief
no mourning
no looking back
that's the way
you know
it's over
at
last.

haven't you?
Where in the world has it taken you?
Successful or not
chasing a sensation
over and over and over
again
What are you going to do?

You don't know
I don't know.

Some end up
broke and broken
Some end up in jail
Some end up with shame and remorse
the desire to fail
Some end up at the edge of bliss
with out a care in their world.

I know.

Sometimes you gotta lose your mind
pain comes and it stays
you're afraid.
Admit it.
Every day
Every ******* day.

Hey.

Is there another way
or is it what gets you through the day.

Hey.

Put your life on the line
one more time
it'll pay you premiums
every day and that's no lie
will it get you sicker
will it get you well
either way
redeemable at the gates of heaven or hell.

Goodbye Monday mornings
and Sunday night blues too

Goodbye failure and success

Goodbye to lovers
fantasies of strangers
strange lover's fantasies
too
Goodbye to all of you

Goodbye warm hands on
the shoulder
children's eyes which
long for reassurance
and all the tender souls
never healed through
all these tears
I guess it's goodbye
to you too

One can cry out in the
silence of dreams
and never be set free
Goodbye to these

Afternoon colors
winter spring fall summer
Full Moon, Mars
    Galaxies
Vivid colors true
Goodbye to you

Thoughts, ideas and striving
judgements about inadequate
functioning
Buying Buying Buying
    into
Goodbye to you too.

Parents aging
time lapse phorography
awareness of surroundings
bleeding into one another
it's all true
Goodbye to you.

You're drugs on legs

jonesing

one
more
****
of you.
-

Can you dance the last dance for
me
can you hold him so close
you hear his heart beat

Can you whisper those perfect
words
Can you breathe so slow
in his ear

Oh my dear, what roads
we have walked
what stars have we navigated
what distant dawn have
we pursued that my
last request for you

is to dance that last dance
for me, to hold him so
close,  he can hear your
precious heart  beat

what altered ways of being
have accumulated to bringing
this tragic song of hearts
breaking
                and last dances dancing
and breath breathing in
stranger's ears - with perfect
words -

What twisting of live's direction
could mirror in reflection
spotlight this lonely
complexion in this
dwelling with the utter lack
of any perfection

that the only reflection
I can offer is for your distortion
and can you dance
this last dance for me
as you hold him so close
you can hear his heart
beat

Can you come back around
with your vision so sound
and tell me the answer
with perfect words...

The end of the line had
struck a bargain with
the end of time.

The reigning fallen
resurrected life's inadequacy
to explain their failures

Those that had sailed
through were condemned
to repeat hell

While god's gaping hole
insatiably swallowed the
dead and dying so that it
would feel whole

Standing on a speck of an island
surrounded by the blowing blue
seas

I watched all of these dramas
unfold around me
played out in three
dimensions while I
struggled to decide
about the marriage of
experience and time

which line and life
to with hold from mine

And thunder crashed
and all vulnerability
was smashed
these visions cast this
wretched moment
all the way back to my humanity

Helpless to effect the
outcome of these lost
and wounded wandering souls

In endless isolation
and complex mystery
and misery
and for their innocence
I died infinite times. . .

You say you never
will
but you always do
You say you always
will
but you never do
that's the story of
that's the glory of
that's the story of
love.

I can recall my lover's fall
she tried to be so strong
But when daylight came
I heard her call
and I could not go home.
She put her arms around my
mind and begged for my time
I tried - I cried, "it is okay my love"
but I had to let her go
She did not know I loved her so- but
time could not prevent
the fall and all the words and
all the desires did conspire
to create this fire, ******
into the vacuum of my words
which called - "Hold on my dear"
as into the darkness of free fall
she disappeared and in a blink
of light and heat was gone,
and the rooms were filled with
old echoes of what might
have been. . .

Give me dreams in the
evening
Give me sanctuary in the
morning
Give me promises in the
light
Give me salvation in the
night.

I tried my best
but still
I darwined
out
next.

Listen
The AI's
started humming
"Happy trails to you..."
Too.

Is an arrow
which pierced my heart
my love is a flower
growing with my soul

Your eyes are my mirror
Your arms my sweet embrace
Your words are my healing

Our time is the sealing
of our love's fate.