I went through the entire day,
I was fine, until I saw the date.
The 28th...
*******, why did you walk away?

"I don't know if I loved you"

Those words echo throughout my heart, crushing it.

Why couldn't you...?

My love for you was Russian Roulette,
The choice of gun was a Revolver.
Each chamber was to a month,
with a bullet set in the sixth.
I gripped the handle,
and aimed toward my leg,
though instead of nervous during the journey,
I grew comfortable...
Yet When our sixth month came.
You took the gun from my hands and aimed it at my heart.
You didn't take any hesitate to pull the trigger,
then you disappeared as I bleed on the ground.
It's been ages.
Though i'm still left in shreds,
now it's 5:46 in the morning and i'm still grieving,
even though it's been ages since our game.
I guess i'm a sore loser.
My heart is gone and it's an empty hollow,
My choice of a filler is ***** and cigarettes,
Mother wasn't lying when she said first loves tear you apart.

"Isn't hiding your relationship a huge *** burden?"
No, it's not the best circumstance.. But it's worth it.
"How?"
When I can say something sweet, and see that smile.
Hear a sweet name,
Or go hold her,
Or see her for a few minutes after a long time,
Or hear her voice...
It's all worth it

Put me on display,
Like I'm a work of Art in a museum.
I want criticism,
I want to know what to be,
so I can be good enough.

I love who I am, I swear I do,
But on nights like these,
it's hard to believe
That anyone else could love me too.

Lightening in my veins.
And thunder in my heart,
This internal storm will surely rip me apart.

One of the most heart wrenching things..
Is how immensly I love(d) you,
But how unsure you were if you loved me..
And how now, we are light years away,
As if we are strangers,
Strangers with the most heartfelt memories and secrets.

I remember when Id kiss you suddenly and you'd inhale air,
I remember holding you some nights you'd fight to stay away but lull asleep in my arms,
I remember our first kiss and the spark ignited with it,
I remember every song you've sung to me, and your lovely voice.
I remember you holding me after a seizure,
I remember everything..
And lately you're in every corner of my mind

A part of me wants you to say my name,
Just as innocent as can be,
As in the way to grab my attention.
Just to start a conversation with me.

But a hungry part of me wants to hear you moan my name.
As you did im the past,
Just as it was back during summer,
God those days went by too fast.

Oh, She changed my world from black and grey, to shades of every hue.
She wrapped her rope around my heart,
I knew it the second I looked in her jade eyes,
She had me hooked from start.

People may say that I'm bad,
maybe it's because I yearn to be your habit,

                                             Because,
                                             ****, how I crave that I could be a cigarette,
                                             Packed full of nicotine,

                                             With each inhale with me against your lips,
                                             Your intoxicating lips
                                             You would slowly grow addicted,


If I'm bad,
than then let it be so,
but if I have to be bad,
let me be your bad habit, baby girl.

A lad sits on top of his bed,
Looking at the empty picture frame.
There once of a photo of the lass he loves, but when they parted, so did the photo from the frame.
Just as the photo is vacant. So is the place in her heart, vacant...
Yet ready to be filled by the place of a lucky lad.
Though the same photo will probably be placed back into the frame,
Chances are, the vacancy in her heart, will be filled by the luckiest lad in the world.

Everything.
No matter what "flaws" she can pick out.
It won't change how I feel.
Those details make her who she is.
Into the lass that I have the joy of having in my life.

Love is not planned,
Not expected.
Love is often unexpected,
Love is never logical,
Love is letting go of logic and following your gut,
Love has mistakes,
Love is worth it,
Love is losses,
Love is unconditional

Often people say luck is passing a test you never studied for, luck is losing something and finding it right before you need it, luck is finding a penny head up, or luck is getting something you never thought you would.

But the biggest stroke of luck a person can ever have, is to love and individual, and that have that love returned.

I remember viewing the sunrise after a late night with you, smiling as I wrapped my arms around you.

I now view the sunrise, with heavy eyes from a sleepless night. I claw at my temples, and hold back a scream, I know if I go to sleep, I'll only have another haunting dream.

I claim to be a poet,
Yet I constantly stumble over, and stop and rethink my sentences.
At the end of my notes I have gotten into the habit of ending it with "I'm sorry, I've never been good with words".
Maybe I'm not a poet,
What poet isn't good with words?

He sits at the table glares toward blank paper,
Sighs and glances to the empty trash bin.
No ideas, not in ages.
At least last time he had ideas to throw out.
Though back then, he had something to write about.
And back then, he still had a muse.

I don't care who the **** is out there!
No one else is like her..
Her smile is brighter than the Galaxy,
And a fire inside rages when she looks at me,
And I've tried to get over her,
But no lass has come to close the getting the emptions that brew,
But maybe that's why the say she's blue...
Because blue means sadness, and a sadness drowns me,
when I realize she doesn't want me.
What's a lad to do...

What is your goal, your dream?
Is it to be with him or her?
Is it to have a certain job?
Is it to own a certain item?
Is it to pertain a certain position?

Well you know what, advice I have for you?
Don't just sit at home and talk about yours goals, and your dreams.
Chase them!
Don't sit in some fantasy world where everything is perfect,
Walk out into the concrete jungle and mold the life you wish the obtain.
Don't let other discourage.
Don't let others cause you the feeling of aching to give up!
There are billions of people on this earth,
and you are going to let a couple alter your mind set?

Go out into that concrete jungle,
Don't just dream your life, live it.
Because before you know it,
You will regret not taking that chance...

Your name is hot when I scribble it amongst the paper, like my passion burning for you.

Your name is heavy when I speak it, like how heavy my eyelids get after I stayed at your house, and left that next morning with a lack of sleep... So I could be with you.

Your name is one of many, but I can easily pick it out.
But unlike how I can pick you out from a crowd, Or how I could once decifer your feelings for me, I can't anymore.

I have only memories to remember,
Things have really changed since last December.