I've spent these last few months trying to write a song or a poem about you. They never seem to fit, or flow, and it is rare that I like one. Though I have come to a conclusion as to why I cannot construct a piece for you. Words cannot express the immese feelings I experience when I am in your presence.

16 years ago, you said hello to your little girl, you smiled, you seemed happy to have her in your life.

13 years ago, you began drinking heavier, leaving your little girl all alone to fend for herself. You had a smile which seemed fake, you were giving up.

3 years ago, she saw through your lies, she saw who you truly were, she saw through your facade, she began to lose how

6 months ago, you discovered all your daughter secrets, you threw her down, and said you wished she was dead, at the moment, she wished it too. She knew she was a monster.

Now, he sees that he wasn't the monster, that his father is. He sits talking to his counselor in the DFACS office, discussing his past. He talks about who truly was, and who he thought he was.

And in 3 weeks, the court date finally comes, you'll be forced say goodbye to your son, and he cannot wait.

I
           Have never really understood how human emotions, the human brain, the human heart, and the chemical imbalances in our bodies work. I didn't understand it as a kid, and to this day, I still don't, it

Wasn't
           Logical to me, how one day someone could mean the world to you, and the next day they've thrown you to the curb, and I'm just


Supposed
            To know how to fix everything, how to become the perfect human being. How to fit into there perfect little vision of how they imagine, how they dream you

To
            Be, when in reality... I'm  trying to alter myself for that one person. Trying to impress that one person so they don't think that I'm a failure. I find myself constantly fixing myself to their perfect illusion so I don't fail them, so they don't

Fall
           Out of love with me, I never notice how they were changing me. That they were changing multiple aspects about me. Yet, I noticed how I still didn't seem to fit

In
         That silly little illusion that their mind had sculpted of me. I then began to get aggravated and question what love is, what is it!? What is

Love
         I spent days, week, months, aggravated, ripping up notes I had written, pictures I had taken, turning over tables, so frustrated as to why any of the individual id fancied in my life couldn't fall in love

With
          Me, what was wrong with me? Why could I be loved. I spent hours trying to find this answer. I never seemed to find it, until someone came into my life,

You
            It was you who showed me I could indeed be loved, even with every dark side that is stitched into my chemical make up. I still ponder as to how someone as lovely as you could fall in love with me. Though, I won't doubt it. Like I said, you're different from the others in my life.

Our hands touched and I was breathless.
I thought my feelings could be suppressed.
Though, I thought wrong I glanced into your eyes.
And then again I am paralyzed.
You lean into give me a kiss.
This shouldn't happen, it won't happen, something's amiss.
Then my alarm began to sound.
Then the kiss amiss, the problem, I  found.

Good morning my dear, I'll see you tonight in my dreams.

I was asked how did I know my love was dead.
All i could simply conjure up, was that i was more in love with the memories in my head.
When you love the thoughts, more than him.
In that moment, I realized, my love for him was now a pseudonym.

I sit here and daydream, and realize their presence is nicotine.
Their hazel eyes act as a tranquilizer,
And i'm pretty sure their smile couldn't get any brighter.
I **** their touch,
I tend to crave it a little too much.

To kiss under the mistletoe,
Though I sit here alone and watch couples go to and fro.
I examine them and their smile,
I'm curious if I'll get that in awhile.
I have someone to kiss, yet I'm still alone.
I look down and let out a silent groan.
It seems as if it will forever be a wish,
For I don't even have an opportunity to miss.