fear, pulsing with my blood
like spikes through my veins
originating from the center
that fast beating heart
my mind cannot stop it
it cannot be controlled
frozen, insides caught in barbed wire
shooting through, down to my toes
disappears
just as fast as it came
it’s gone
leaving me
defenseless.

Is there a storm inside of me,
A hurricane?
Invisible to the outside world?
I think,
It can’t be so.
I smile, I laugh, I function,
Yet there’s still that voice,
Is it mine?
I can’t tell.
But it’s there all the same.
And in silent nights,
Alone,
I tear myself apart,
From the inside,
And hope that what I unearth,
Won’t **** me.

This skin is just a fence,
and this skeleton a cage,
I want to escape it,
I want to break it.
I’ll rip the flesh away,
And I’ll break every bone,
Until there’s nothing..
Except something.
Broken pieces left behind.
I may have lost my mind,
But my soul is free.
My soul is free,
I’ve escaped my mortal bounds,
And collapsed my ego.
And now I see,
What really is me;
Not the flesh,
Not the bones,
Not the heart...
Beating, beating.
I am this ethereal sliver,
Invisible to their eyes,
But still as real as a breath.
And now I’m free.

My rib cage,
Where my heart lays,
Beating so loud.
Emotions,
They’re circling around,
Going so fast I’m sure my bones will break.
Should I just shut off?
Should I remain alone?
This vibration is hard to take.
Anxiety swallows me,
And I question my existence,
And I question you,
And I wonder if it’s worth it,
Because this rib cage,
It’s smaller than these emotions,
And they might just break out,
Destroying me.

There’s a pressure.
It’s building,
Inside of my head.
My skull, it might crack,
Soon I’ll be dead.
It’s clogging my throat,
My nose,
Even ears.
I can’t breath, I can’t think,
I can’t even,
Shed tears.
My vision is blurry,
Like a film,
White and thin,
Has laid over my cornea.
And sunken,
Right in.
It just keeps on building,
And I think;
‘This must be it’
But it just keeps on building,
And I’m not,
Dead yet.

We are
One Ocean
Individual drops
Making up a whole
It’s an illusion
This difference
The difference that is really the same
You are me
We are mirrors
Individual drops
In one big ocean

I wasn’t locked away in this tower,
I put myself there.
I threw the key down below,
With no regret or despair.
I didn’t let my hair grow,
I kept it cut short,
I didn’t call out for help,
I didn’t need support.
I didn’t stare out the window,
And dream of the day,
When I would be rescued,
Swept off my feet and whisked away.
And when I heard knocking,
And shouts from below,
I kept myself hidden,
And stayed away from the window.
And now you’ve climbed up,
And invaded this space,
It once was a haven,
But now it’s haunted with your face.
I didn’t want you, white knight.
I didn’t need to be saved.
But you’re eyes were so gentle,
And slowly I caved.