I was born with joy and tears,
Then grow with hardship
and live with soreness
I’ve seen things
A lot of things
Good stuff
Bad stuff
All of them concurrently with reality

There’s this silk-stocking kid in her marvelous chamber
Not knowing what to do next in life
There’s this low-lived kid in the street
Soaking deeply in his thoughts

I don’t know what I want
After seeing things
The meaning of being happy
The meaning of being ill
What I know is I don’t really know
Many times, I sit and ponder
Thinking about the useless youth
And how filthy this world have been
To those of no talents and powers
It is no secrecy that we’re all in grief

I am in grief
But I also lucky for something
Perhaps I have a chance and
I believe i’m blessed for something.

Thousands of people I met
One by one
Gone most frigid and strange
But time’s ticking
Day by day
That the older I get
The more I awaken
Friend or enemy
Lies and truth
War and peace
Good and bad
What’s fair and unfair
March to the thin line
of no contrast
Not at all of what I envision
Not at all I see the distinction

I used to believe that this world was a pure bliss

Until I reached the moment of my grown.

Everything becomes tragically beautiful

and I am in grief for some things that went away.

People disappoints,

Promise betrays,

That’s all I see now.

Yet these things brought me to wisdom

Being disappointed is not always that bad,

and being alone is not always that lonely, I feel.

To me, nothing shatters what’s within me more than seeing tears in my mother’s eyes
No matter how hard I am to her
No matter how hard she is to me
And thus I become a weaker version of a tough individual
Or
Seeing the sweat running in the wrinkled forehead of my father
No matter how hard I am to him
No matter how hard he is to me
And thus I become a weaker version of a tough individual
Again
And always
They prey on me with their tears and sweats
Sometimes with warm good night kiss
But often not at all
At least they share one thing in common out of thousands of disparity and resentment
From that I was brought to the world
A portion of negligence and the most vulnerable daughter that I am

Now I won’t go any further for something I know I could not reach
Something that just culminate me to anger and insecurity
Perhaps this year,
I won’t try too ******* myself
nor to you.
I’ll stop convince the world that you and I were made for each other.

Ignoring, fighting, and pushing people away from someone’s everyday life it is not vile and self-observed. It is selfless, struggling. As I don’t want others to be contracting for being surrounded by the hurt within me. It is indeed poignant. But I chose to be alone.
Being a friend to solitude. In the art of being on one’s own, i chose to surround myself with subtle things; drizzling dawn, parky wind, a quiet noon, starry night accompanied by The Moon. The moon that embellish my deserted nights, henceforth i knew i got one more companion that won’t ever leave me. A luminous circle up in the sky speaks through its light for me, convince me that i’m not really so alone.
“There are billion people just like you in the whole world, they’re just don’t desist to smile and keep their head up” said The Moon.
“How did you know that? How did you know there are more people like me in this world, in this filthy world?” I murmured.
“I can’t show them to you, but I’ve seen things that you haven’t see. I’ve lived for hundred years my dear, so that i have encountered so many things and people in my life” The Moon replied.
I still can’t believe that there are people who in despair of being alone but still manage to feel positive.
Then I asked “Aren’t you feel alone up there, in the sky that were so transcendental spacious?”
“I am. I was the only moon from the beginning, but gladly there were stars and various planets among the galaxy, and The Sun he might be alone too but he is so powerful and unbeatable. Everyone praise him for his light. I used to envy him, but that was a long time ago when i know so little about life. Even The-Almighty-Sun himself also has problems but won’t bother to tell me completely about it and i do respect for his own privacy.
“At a night time i saw people on earth who has a good life said the words of rage and cried in their sleep. Or people who haven’t eat for 12 hours laughed in tears by watching a cheap comedy-series. Both of the people got so many things run through their mind, so much sadness and worries but they spoke so little and smiled wider. I see that happiness is never an absolute idea and we never know what we want in this pointless circle of life, but sometimes you find peace in the midst of pain and suffering” The Moon explained.
I feel touched and stiffed at the same time. although the struggle did not end nor was it any less diminished, it somehow makes me feel better and sorry.
I outcry “Oh you’re The Moon, my dearest friend. For i have been blessed to know you!”
And ever since, the peace within the moon is the place for anyone in lonesome.