Eyes of dirt and diamond and moss
Hair of charcoal and fire
A hidden beauty beneath the waves
Her mind a poisoned ire

Never seen as elegant
Nor worthy of any praise
Just a witty woman
Who turns no one's gaze

Insulted with words unsaid
Betrayed by those held near
Genetics seemed to do her wrong
Creating social austere

Dear Father Time,
With your scythe of falling sand,
Take back my every blunder,
With a brush of your withered hand.
Free me from these nightmares,
Each haunting memory.
Take away my battle scars,
For once let me be free.
Give me back my innocence,
My happiness, my pride.
Let me be rid of all this grief,
This hurt hidden inside.

Dear Father Time,
My childhood years are ending,
The ones you have stole away.
So here I have come here begging,
One day to sing sonatas,
One day to dance in rain,
One day to fight my demons,
One day to **** the pain.
So give me back,
The time you stole.
Heal my wounds,
Restore my soul.

I dwell in darkness,
Unaware of any emotion,
My mind a blank slate, a canvas painted in reverse when you decided to take my humanity.

You, a feeble being, with no muscle on your bones and no hair on your chest.
You, who lied and manipulated until you were in total control of my actions,
You forced me to give up what you should have earned, what you shouldn't have asked for.

I needed a gentleman, someone old-fashioned who would love me and not play on my gullibility.

Yet here we are.

Me in the darkness of guilt,
You wherever the next woman lays with her body exposed for your enjoyment.

I hope you rot knowing that you were the one who put me here.
The place of nightmares, of terror, of guilt.
A darkness that greets drawn blood with a beautiful passion,
Who needs to feel the pain of torn skin and flesh in order to feel alive.

Yes. This is my new home. You put me here, and I'm going to drag you down to this hell if it's the last thing I do.

I color my lips to hide the poison of your kisses,
I color my eyes to mask the secrets within,
I color my hair so you don't recognize me,
I cover my ear so I can't hear your lies,
I cover my skin so people can't see my scars,
I cover my heart so no one can repeat the torture you put me through.

Over 19,200 miles each year,
And what do I get?
Siblings who adore but don't know me,
Parents who use me as a tug-of-war rope,
Grandparents who forget I exist and instead love those younger than me,
Friends I've known forever who think I'm invisible,
Ex's who leave me for someone else who doesn't leave the state,
Depression from friends and family,
Suicidalness from peer pressure and abuse and manipulation,
And a name that scares everyone because of the things I've gone through.

This quarantine is going to make murderers out us:
Making us stay with annoying siblings 24/7,
Clean every part of the house three times a day,
Complete our parents' projects because they're too lazy,
And complete schoolwork in a workspace that isn't comfortable.

Maybe it's just me.

Just me who has panic attacks every day because I can't escape,
Who can't do what calms me down because it isn't "adult-like,"
Who is criticized by family for reading comics, "reading anime" as they call it,
Who is yelled at for not getting out of my room when all I do in there is sleep at night like everyone else,
Who is put down by everyone in my life except for the pleasant few,
But of course, I can only see them at school and guess what's closed until the next year.

I can't stay like this.
Insanity growing,
Tears flowing,
Heart slowing,
Not knowing,
Who's going,
To die by my hand first.

I waltz with Death in a never-ending loop.
Twirling in time as the music mimics the beat of a lonely heart on the dancefloor.