Fall is a big season of nostalgia for me. I didn’t know moving to Chicago, what was in store for me. But, the community I’ve built now feels like home and I can honestly feel home is multiple places now. It’s a strange feeling. Many seasons have gone by and the leaves turn different colors in the same way while I’m in a completely different place living a different life than I have been before. 🍂🧡feeling big love for new people I’ve grown to care for and who care for me. And for the people who have been with me through all my past seasons💛🌾 Life always changes but grateful for how love changes yet stays with me along the journey. As leaves change color, I’m learning once again to let love wash over me and let it go to come back in a different form once again. 🌊

Another angel left too soon.
I didn't know her, but I'm from a small town and I know many people who did know her.
And loved her.
A bright light, they say. An artist. A walking angel, they say.
Now, she is an angel.
I didn't know her, but I felt the many words and photos posted online from people I do know and people I don't.
She was an important member of my small town community.
I didn't know her, but I still felt her loss. And she made me think of my loved ones who also left too soon.
You could say they were walking angels too.
In the last few years, I lost some of my walking angels.

My grandmother was many people in my family's biggest fan. Everyone knew her for her unconditional love and joy of life. She was the glue that held my family together. She was gone too soon and a walking angel who now watches over me.

Kellie - my mom's best friend was another source of joy, fun, and unconditional love. she was the cool aunt who bought me my first set of makeup. She was an earth angel gone too soon.

Not long after these two left this earth, my cousin Sam's cancer got worse and she ended up leaving us at 22. An environmental activist and artist. She left us many years after my cousin Cam left - another sooting star, brighter and bolder and quicker leaving us at 8 years old. My distinctive memories of Cam were his bright smile and how he used to dress up in princess gowns and sang Gabrielle's solo in High School Musical.

Don't get me wrong - I love my family who is still around. The ones who left, though, were really special in a really special way. They were literal walking angels, shooting stars. I'm not religious - I don't believe in God, but I now believe in angels. And angels tend to leave too soon - I know from experience.

Summer’s End
Long days get shorter
Dark nights get longer
Fall gets closer as leaves fall down
The air gets cooler and leaves turn brown
Nostalgia hits and I think of the people I’ve let go of
Like the trees leaves I’ve lost people along the way, yet me and the trees keep moving forward into the next season.
The earth keeps spinning around its axis and time seems to move faster every year that we spin around to the same place, turning around to Autumn
Autumn gives us the feeling of a new start, new school year
I’m another year older already?
I visited home recently and saw the children of my childhood friends
Is it really the next phase of life already?
I think on the past phases of life
What are the friends doing whom I no longer speak to?
What would my loved ones be doing who are gone too soon?
And what will I do with this new metamorphosis that seems inevitable
Leaves fall again and it’s a perfect time to let go of summer like the trees do and fall in love with the unknown ahead

You stick to my mind like gum to my shoe.
The good memories stick in my mind like glue.
You tiptoe around my thoughts like a ghost.
The bad memories creep around my mind like a hoax.
I am trying to focus on the good things and me.
I’m one pea in my own pod and hoping one day I’ll remember how to feel free.
Free from you and go back to who I was before us and how I liked being her.
The memories will slowly fade I’m afraid.
Can’t wait for that day but I can’t help wanting the closeness to stay.
Goodbye you who once was my love.
I’ll let you go now, goodbye and goodnight.

This time of year, late August, I yearn for slower more inward days. But, at the same time, I reflect on what is summer. Sun dazed days and gathered community basking in the present. Sweaty days dipped in ice water, drying off in the sun, and jumping in again. A pack of friends hanging on to one small floaty laughing and joking about the vastness of Lake Michigan. “Wow, there’s so much water in this lake,” someone says in amazement while we all respond “no ****.” Constant awe of daily joy and life’s bounty. Yet, the violence and struggle of other people across the world is still alive on my mind. The daunting journey of an election ahead that feels so fragile and the possibility turning the needle one side or the other could lead to diabolical pain for so many people and the planet feels heavy. What a line we walk in this life between grief and joy, love and loss, suffering and fortune. And I continue to breathe it all in.