My 'I' is feeling lost
Struggling to adjust and
Wandering in this world
Lost the feeling of passion, ambition
While trying to be at par with this world
Why can't I be just me
Not trying to be anyone
Not trying to gain anything
Not trying to prove anything
Wanting to be lost just within me
Desiring to get rid of the uneasiness
When I am outside my cocoon
I know I cant always stay here
Will have to face the world
With firmness and with courage
Always wanting to be someone
Trying to prove my worth
Cant be just lost, Cant be 'me'.

Today I heard the noises of my mind
Noises of people I know and know not.
Some were telling me they like me.
Some were forming opinions about my behavior
Some were giving suggestions
Some were behaving awkwardly as if they didn't like me
Some were looking at me with hope
Some were demanding me to do something
Some told me that my efforts are not sufficient enough
And then there were situations playing around like a movie
Some of them I experienced already
Others were desires and hope
Then I thought cant these noises just vanish
And I draw my own canvas of life
Where everything will be full of light and love
And I will just BE.

When I wake up to the new awakenings
With a new feeling and new self
Feel something's there that's new in me
Old routines but new ways to do it
Old habits but new ways to look at it
Old desires but with a new fragrance
Old problems but new ways to deal with it
Old me but with a new enthusiasm
A hope that this day is going to be different
With a new energy and new perspective
A new vision to look at things
Morning, When I wake up with a new me.

A desire that lies unabated in my heart
A longing that wishes to see morning sunshine
A hope that is unrelenting and unceasing
But sometimes I doubt its existence altogether
And if its existence different from that of mine
Also, should I keep it or shun it
Or do I even have a choice?
Then I hear all the definitions of desire.
Desires are an expression of your self
Wanting to be manifested, Wanting to become alive.
Desires are a mirror of your being
Desire is like a seed, water it and preserve it.
And one day it will come to life
Dare to have a desire and see it materialize
For you will see yourself jubilating in front of you
Then I ask myself, am I capable enough to nurture a desire
Am I capable enough to bring it to life?
Yes, I do have a desire.
To express myself completely before you.
I must confess I have done this few times before
And I got to see a glimpse of my self.
To be connected to your being is the most beautiful feeling to have.
And I desire to attain this through you.

I feel like a new born,
like just out of the hibernation,
After spending nine months in a deep ocean.
Which tested my endurance every moment.
Gulping for air, I hoped to survive,
As I could see no light, hear no sound,
Struggling with the reality tide every next minute,
till I could no more feel myself.
Lying deep with just the last last speck of life,
Surrendering myself every moment.
Anticipating the worse, I managed to breathe.
Plunged into the vast depths directly from the clouds,
The move was huge to take my breath away,
But I survived, to feel the present,
to feel the immenseness  of life and bliss,
Yes! I am just back from the abyss.

25.02.2019