And were young
Untainted canvasses where
Each
mistake
slowly
covers us in the colors of our youth.
So don't be afraid
Go out
Have fun
Make mistakes
Love
Live

And slowly create our painting, called our souls

Maybe i should feel less

Love you less

Think about you less

Cherish you less
So that no matter what you do, I wont get hurt


But I cant.
I cant let you feel the pain of that little boy crying in the shower while balled up into his knees

I cant let you feel the pain of that little boy thinking about jumping off every building

I cant let you feel the pain of that little boy as he brings that sharp knife closer and closer to his wrist

I cant let you feel the pain Ive felt


So come here, and break me. Ill welcome you with open arms.

Ill be fine


*As long as I see your beautiful smile

I fell
You didn't
And now I'm stuck
Looking up
at another *dream

And now im drowning

Drowning in the ocean of self thoughts and insecurties

As i slowly sink to the bottom

Convulsing

Hoping

Praying

That you could give me air to breathe
That you would swim through the rapid waves and complex currents of my mind

And provide me

with air for my lungs
and love for my heart

And when I see you smile, I float up high, while my heart flutters like a thousand butterflies.

I knew..... It was love.

Ive done numerous things
Things that have made her speechless
Trouble herself over finding the right words to say
And this makes me happy

However

The true moment when ill feel joy would be
When she finds those words to tell
Those three words
Those three words that can make you feel the most amazing feelings that could possibly be felt.

"I Love You" will forever be those three words.

I breathe in, and hope we're high on the same air.

Working
Fingers bleeding
paper cuts, and open wounds oozing dark red
Your face pale as white, haggared bones and exhaustion filling you
Your lips, cracked and ripped as you sit there on your chair, hunched back, working.
Working from the moment the sun kisses the moon, til the moment they part
Holding your hands, I wipe off the blood revealing your flesh colored fingertips
I wipe your face, taking off the grime and the soot,
exposing your rosy red cheeks.
You stop me while saying,
"Stop, we're not done yet."
Looking at me with your hazelnut brown eyes,
Shimmering under the light that's illuminated your workplace of years.
You wipe your face, take off the bandages covering your tender fingertips and hunch back over.

Staring, all I could mutter was,
"Beautiful."

Youve taken a lot of my firsts
But the greatest one was under the moonlight
As we walked with our hands intertwined
With all the bustling cars around us
We both had smiles on our faces
And I swear on myself

That was a first

The first ever time that i felt for even a split second
That everything was going to be alright

And as we walked down the road bathed in moonlight; with our hands intertwined. Filling the streets with our laughter and joy, I felt something completely new. I felt my heart beating for the first time in a long time. Like lava slowly filling the insides of my chest, i felt warmth. Not from the clothes that were covering my back, but from the love I could see all over your beautiful face; from your sparkling eyes, to your scrunchy nose, down to your rosy lips. And at that moment, all i knew was that this girl in front of me made me the happiest man alive.

As the sound of each drop echoes, my mind wanders to places i'm ever so familiar with.

I'll always be waiting
not with remorse
but with all the love I have to give

Sleep is wonderful.
It helps you recharge your tired bones
But for me, it serves as an escape.

An escape from her

From her lingering touch that i havent felt in days

From her sweet voice thats been absent from my life for far too long

From her heartwarming care that shakes me to the core

I miss you, my baby.

And with each message I've sent to you

I've sent a part of my heart

And with each message you've walked by from

A little part of me dies inside


*Lets hope I last til the end of the night

It's a mess, our lives.
And you've been staring at the broken pieces as time passes by.
That's why,
I have to see you.
I have to hug you.
And I promise I'll love you,
Not because of an obligation,
But because you're just simply too amazing.

So listen to me, things are going to be alright.
Things are going to be okay.
Because I'll give up everything I have
To see that smile once again.

Just like water slipping through your finger tips, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it'll drip.

Droplets slowly falling and crashing to the floor like everything you've built and everything that you've done.

Broken, shattered, may you call it what pleases you, but in the end, as if already doomed from the beginning, it is all for naught.

And I asked her, "If I was drowning, would you give me air to breathe if it meant losing yourself".

She giggled and finally replied, "Of course, I'd rather lose myself than lose you".

I broke. I cried. Im loved.

For love without passion, will only result into tradgedy.

I was swept up
In our tornado of love

But in the end

Once its all done

Ill end up
Falling
Crashing
Crying

As our love turns into unclear mist

And you go on about these stories of the men you've been with. Not one, not two, but tens of them.

I look at you with eyes
Doing my best to understand why
Why a girl like you
Has been let go of so many times

I try my best to understand
What drove you to go to all these men

Because in the end,
All ive known is loneliness
For years I was alone
Feeding off of my own shadow
Pretending to be happy, when in reality, im lonely

But i got used to it
The absence beside me wasnt a blank space anymore
It was filled with things like demons and angels
And with that i learned to be alone
And then you came and i opened up that space again
In the exact shillouhette of your round face
Your slouched shoulders that i find oh so cute
Your bossom filled with emotions you wont show
And your body that looks oh so beautiful

I opened it up
Just for you
And now i ask you


Please dont let that be an empty space again

Fumbling hands
Racking through my brain for the words that would be able to explain everything. Everything that I've felt.

No words found.

Rarely, do I find myself lost and stunned. Like a deer caught in headlights, staring. Unable to act.

But you.
What've you done.
Causing me to rack through my brain only to come up with nothing because

No words can describe. Only feelings can show.

One day

One day, Ill show you.

How
Important
You
Are

Quite tired
Quite damaged
Quite broken
and now I'm slowly rebuilding

Under the rain, a man shouts,
"I'm sorry! I never wanted things to be this way" he says.

The girl replies, "I know you never wanted it to end up like this. Me, leaving."

With panic, the guy closes his eyes and checks. He notices the sound of the rain, the never ending crashing noises of the horns around these two people intertwined by fate. Lastly, he notices her heart. This once beautiful place has now turned into a deserted wasteland filled with nothing.

He starts trembling as he opened his mouth, " I love you." Slowly rolled off his tongue as tears started rolling down his eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I was weak, with all my demons inside of me. I tried hiding them all from you and put on a show. A show that would fool you into believing that I was alright. That never did I feel defeated. That no matter what, I'd walk across the storm for the both of us, but I became tired. Mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted from the expectations of this trash world. I'm sorry that I was not strong enough to carry both of us on my back alone. I'm sorry...."

She slams her feet against the floor and as water droplets started flying up she shouts, " You were never alone. I was always there beside you. It's just that you were too busy looking forward that you weren't even able to check the people who are traveling with you. The people that care about you. Which is why you'll always be alone." As tears running down her face, she leaves the man sprawled on the cold, wet floor.

It's not that I don't like you. It's more of an I love you.
It's not that I avoid you. It's more of an I've been looking for you.
It's not that I never saw you. It's more of an I've only been looking at you.
It's not that I've given up on you. It's more of an I'm still chasing you.

Since when did falling in love start becoming a **sin

It's ironic because your silence can bring me so much pain.

And now you've got me
Your cute stubby fingers
Slowly making their way
Grip slowly tightening
Around my tender heart
And to my dismay
I have nothing more to say.

And ill hold on
Tightly
Through storms and hurricanes

Til
Those
Tears

Are shed for **me

Ding ****, the clock has finally struck twelve.
Miniscule sounds of people having the sweetesr dreams could be faintly heard as I slowly walk down the stairs.
Each step resounding throughout my mind seeming as if drums are being drummed in between my ears.
My breathing rapidly gettigg faster as my intentions became clear to myself.
I made my way to the kitchen to grab the gleaming object on the table, and I told myself, "Now really is the time to say goodbye".
Slowly, i pressed the edge on the soft tissue of my wrist and i close my eyes. Memories come rushing to me; my mom's face as she first helped me walk, my dads cheering as I won my first tournament. That first kiss I had with my first love. The laughs, the tears, the memories with the people I hold beloved.
I fall, with tears falling from my eyes I realize, death still scares me more than living.
I walk up the stairs with heavy steps telling myself, "maybe the 10th times the charm, huh?"

She asked me my story
"My story?" I said.
"Years of living as constant source of disappointment to the people around me. Falling in love and having my heartbroken more times than I can count. Feeling like the only way out is either hanging myself, or letting my life leak out of my wrist. Constant thoughts that you're never ever going to be worth it." I said as I looked into her eyes.
She replied, "good thing you survived through all that."
I replied, " Survived? Who said I was living?"

The clock struck twelve and that marked the twelfth hour.
I've sent countless messages to satisfy my insecurities.
To try and rid myself of this feeling of nervousness and fright, that you were going to leave me.
As I stare into my phone's screen, countless seconds, minutes, hours continue to pass, and slowly, I sink.
Sink into the pool of depression, where I rightfully belong.

Feed me love
and I'll show you wonders

How deep are the roots of hopelessness as you've decided to give up on everything you've held dear

Tell me

And slowly, I'll pull each one out, gently as to not damage your fragile heart.

We've spent too much of our precious time rotting on the island called our  *past.

Questions fill my mind.

What's gonna happen?
Am I going to lose you?
Would you care if I disappeared?
Would your heart shed even a single tear in my absence because right now i dont know.
I dont know. I dont know. I dont know.

What I am to you......

And
                                                      now
                                                  I'm
                                                in
                                             the
                                                  dark
                                                     struggling
                                                            to
                                                               hold
                                                                  onto
                                                                what's
                                                        **important