I gain a little older today
there was no cake to be blown
nor a celebration to attend
it was a simple day of  calling family and friends
and showing gratitude for another year to live
I often wonder why adults would be so dull
but then now I act the way they do
perhaps it's the realization that
another year meant more responsibilities to come
but that's the beauty of living
to feel every single thing

I never understood why people cry over heartbreaks
perhaps because I cry over my family's financials
or that my parents never loved each other
or that my sister's attempting suicide
perhaps I understood that love is just a burden
from the endless divorce courts choosing sides
or the endless fights over our school's fees
that's why love was never a curiosity
it's a plauge that I tremendously avoided
I know it's meant to be that way,
to survive, I must be on my own
if love arrived,
prepare to bury me
for acknowledging things and feeling them
will destruct every piece of my existence

At the end of the line
if you see me waiting
don't ask if I'm okay
just let me in

Despite the harsh coldness of this world
it's the warmth of your existence
that keeps me going

father, I am drown by my desires
lead the way, I'll follow you blindly
For I wish to be great, through you

why am I upset
that you've forgotten
I'm not your responsibility
in the first place

my heart wants to speak it's mind
it felt longing for war & peace
as if it belong there
in the first place

I felt misunderstood
so I left
I felt the look in your eyes
and the only reasonable thing to do
is to leave immediately as possible
holding back the tears
holding the longingness
burying the gratitude, laughters, and memories
for I am here for my mother and father
whom never complained about anything
who am I to throw that all away
for a mere stranger that made me felt something

Youre the face
of the harsh truth
& an awe strucking lie

there are things
we can't fix by ourselves
tell me how does your heart beats alone

May we never be prisoners
of things that are out of our hands