I never understood why people cry over heartbreaks
perhaps because I cry over my family's financials
or that my parents never loved each other
or that my sister's attempting suicide
perhaps I understood that love is just a burden
from the endless divorce courts choosing sides
or the endless fights over our school's fees
that's why love was never a curiosity
it's a plauge that I tremendously avoided
I know it's meant to be that way,
to survive, I must be on my own
if love arrived,
prepare to bury me
for acknowledging things and feeling them
will destruct every piece of my existence

Despite the harsh coldness of this world
it's the warmth of your existence
that keeps me going

when i get overwhelmed with the noise of reality
you'll find me rushing to my sanctuary
to wonder where, ask who
I pledge every inch
of my existence to you

so close, souls nearly collide
a stranger wearing the same face  
of the one I once knew
searching, searching, desperately searching through it's eyes
with a heavy heart, I walk away
with the ache of knowing
whatever I was searching for
was long gone ago

why am I upset
that you've forgotten
I'm not your responsibility
in the first place

father, I am drown by my desires
lead the way, I'll follow you blindly
For I wish to be great, through you

Youre the face
of the harsh truth
& an awe strucking lie

if only our souls can translate
you would have never left
for then you'll understand
that every rhythm was urs

I have come to understand that you have crossed vast seas  
To express your unwavering devotion and affection towards me  
I recognize that, in turn, I have neglected you for far too long
For warmth, appreciation, and the gestures of expressiveness

Yet here I stand now  
Finally emerging from the shadows of my own reluctance
Revealing myself, knocking gently at your door
And still, you keep me at a distance
To be acknowledged is one thing
But to be accepted is an entirely different matter

Why not simply release me  
Make your intentions clear
For I cannot abide confusion
You must decide...either you wish me back, or you do not
There is no room for indecision, no middle ground

Life is far too brief to dwell in uncertainty
Too fleeting to linger between the lines
So, grant me the freedom to fight for your heart
Or release me completely, that I may go

there are things
we can't fix by ourselves
tell me how does your heart beats alone

May we never be prisoners
of things that are out of our hands

At the end of the line
if you see me waiting
don't ask if I'm okay
just let me in

Why do you always test the limits of my patience?
I step back in silence, in measured withdrawal,
as I retreat, a whisper escapes..."she likes me too"
And still, you pull me back, only to let go
Is this the dance we are doomed to repeat?

We fall, linger, circling the truth
Too egoistic to surrender, too wary to owe
the silence mirrors ours, hasty and  never reaching
never daring to shatter the lie of you and I

Nor a lover, nor a friend, refusing to be strangers
remains of wanting and waiting
the fondness drains to frustration,
Not with a storm, nor with the truth
But with the quiet death of something we never let live

princess, I have an acre, a world, a universe
the capacity, resource, to love you
the only barrier that I couldnt go through
is you not letting me
yet I know
u want to

I felt misunderstood
so I left
I felt the look in your eyes
and the only reasonable thing to do
is to leave immediately as possible
holding back the tears
holding the longingness
burying the gratitude, laughters, and memories
for I am here for my mother and father
whom never complained about anything
who am I to throw that all away
for a mere stranger that made me felt something

I have a lingering suspicion that fate is no mere folly
that every soul to cross our path was always meant to do so
whether for a fleeting moment or a lifetime

For are we not the sum of those we have met?
A melody gifted by a friend, a phrase borrowed from a colleague  
a manner of dress inspired by a cherished companion
beliefs once foreign, now woven into the fabric of our being

And so, I do not doubt that meeting you was ordained
though it did not conclude as my heart once wished
Yet, as I relinquish the remnants of attachment
I find that your language, your culture, remain
not as burdens, but as gifts that have made me richer still

Still, I am jealous
for I am not yet done learning
not yet done unraveling the depths of who you are
There is more I wish to know, more I wish to understand
but fate, in all its cruel wisdom, has deemed otherwise

And though I have learned some parts of you
the way your cheeky smile betrays your mischief
the way your laughter sneaks into the quiet  
I will miss the constancy of it
the simple comfort of your presence woven into my days  

Thus, I am grateful for all who have graced my life
the joyful and the sorrowful, the laughter and the tumult  
For each has left a mark
and in my heart
I hold a deep and unwavering gratitude

And so I understood
At 22, what my mother felt
Waiting for someone
To love them back

And so I’ve understood
The anger in her eyes
In sight of my father
Who never came back

I promised myself
That I will live in this life
With so much joy
In respect to my mom who wanted nothing
But to see me be loved and to love

Yet I found myself
In the shoes of my mother’s past
Oh like I’ve never witnessed this before
May I last a day without you

I gain a little older today
there was no cake to be blown
nor a celebration to attend
it was a simple day of  calling family and friends
and showing gratitude for another year to live
I often wonder why adults would be so dull
but then now I act the way they do
perhaps it's the realization that
another year meant more responsibilities to come
but that's the beauty of living
to feel every single thing

my heart wants to speak it's mind
it felt longing for war & peace
as if it belong there
in the first place