I'm almost me again
she's almost you

11 months
it was easy, compared to what you did

almost a year,

that went fast
one more month

I can finally cut my hair
as it still lingers

Do u always tame ur demons
or are u keeping them from me?

Something in me has this power
I want to put them on a leash

Life has moved
the sorrow, laughter, days have passed
as much as I wanted to let you know in each and all of them

I couldnt
for we have chosen to move forward
on our owns, cut ties with everything
you live your life as I live mine

yet at the end of the most joyful days
I wonder, how you been
will we be able to see each other again

I miss your smile
that's all

men, usually
come off as cold,distant, & strong

yet the room radiated with the warmth of your existence
a space was not present between I and your adoration for closure
your vulnerability has been the strongest ability I've witnessed

for that, I've acknowledge
that you are for me

I have come to understand that you have crossed vast seas  
To express your unwavering devotion and affection towards me  
I recognize that, in turn, I have neglected you for far too long
For warmth, appreciation, and the gestures of expressiveness

Yet here I stand now  
Finally emerging from the shadows of my own reluctance
Revealing myself, knocking gently at your door
And still, you keep me at a distance
To be acknowledged is one thing
But to be accepted is an entirely different matter

Why not simply release me  
Make your intentions clear
For I cannot abide confusion
You must decide...either you wish me back, or you do not
There is no room for indecision, no middle ground

Life is far too brief to dwell in uncertainty
Too fleeting to linger between the lines
So, grant me the freedom to fight for your heart
Or release me completely, that I may go

And so I understood
At 22, what my mother felt
Waiting for someone
To love them back

And so I’ve understood
The anger in her eyes
In sight of my father
Who never came back

I promised myself
That I will live in this life
With so much joy
In respect to my mom who wanted nothing
But to see me be loved and to love

Yet I found myself
In the shoes of my mother’s past
Oh like I’ve never witnessed this before
May I last a day without you

Why do you always test the limits of my patience?
I step back in silence, in measured withdrawal,
as I retreat, a whisper escapes..."she likes me too"
And still, you pull me back, only to let go
Is this the dance we are doomed to repeat?

We fall, linger, circling the truth
Too egoistic to surrender, too wary to owe
the silence mirrors ours, hasty and  never reaching
never daring to shatter the lie of you and I

Nor a lover, nor a friend, refusing to be strangers
remains of wanting and waiting
the fondness drains to frustration,
Not with a storm, nor with the truth
But with the quiet death of something we never let live

princess, I have an acre, a world, a universe
the capacity, resource, to love you
the only barrier that I couldnt go through
is you not letting me
yet I know
u want to