And so I understood
At 22, what my mother felt
Waiting for someone
To love them back

And so I’ve understood
The anger in her eyes
In sight of my father
Who never came back

I promised myself
That I will live in this life
With so much joy
In respect to my mom who wanted nothing
But to see me be loved and to love

Yet I found myself
In the shoes of my mother’s past
Oh like I’ve never witnessed this before
May I last a day without you

Why do you always test the limits of my patience?
I step back in silence, in measured withdrawal,
as I retreat, a whisper escapes..."she likes me too"
And still, you pull me back, only to let go
Is this the dance we are doomed to repeat?

We fall, linger, circling the truth
Too egoistic to surrender, too wary to owe
the silence mirrors ours, hasty and  never reaching
never daring to shatter the lie of you and I

Nor a lover, nor a friend, refusing to be strangers
remains of wanting and waiting
the fondness drains to frustration,
Not with a storm, nor with the truth
But with the quiet death of something we never let live

princess, I have an acre, a world, a universe
the capacity, resource, to love you
the only barrier that I couldnt go through
is you not letting me
yet I know
u want to

I have a lingering suspicion that fate is no mere folly
that every soul to cross our path was always meant to do so
whether for a fleeting moment or a lifetime

For are we not the sum of those we have met?
A melody gifted by a friend, a phrase borrowed from a colleague  
a manner of dress inspired by a cherished companion
beliefs once foreign, now woven into the fabric of our being

And so, I do not doubt that meeting you was ordained
though it did not conclude as my heart once wished
Yet, as I relinquish the remnants of attachment
I find that your language, your culture, remain
not as burdens, but as gifts that have made me richer still

Still, I am jealous
for I am not yet done learning
not yet done unraveling the depths of who you are
There is more I wish to know, more I wish to understand
but fate, in all its cruel wisdom, has deemed otherwise

And though I have learned some parts of you
the way your cheeky smile betrays your mischief
the way your laughter sneaks into the quiet  
I will miss the constancy of it
the simple comfort of your presence woven into my days  

Thus, I am grateful for all who have graced my life
the joyful and the sorrowful, the laughter and the tumult  
For each has left a mark
and in my heart
I hold a deep and unwavering gratitude

if only our souls can translate
you would have never left
for then you'll understand
that every rhythm was urs

so close, souls nearly collide
a stranger wearing the same face  
of the one I once knew
searching, searching, desperately searching through it's eyes
with a heavy heart, I walk away
with the ache of knowing
whatever I was searching for
was long gone ago

when i get overwhelmed with the noise of reality
you'll find me rushing to my sanctuary
to wonder where, ask who
I pledge every inch
of my existence to you

why am I upset
that you've forgotten
I'm not your responsibility
in the first place