"yeah i had a good break...was smashed the whole week...apparently i ****** on some dude's xbox"
"yeah mine does that too. they were ******* so hard the bed was squeaking"
"*** there she is! the one with the ears....hah check the sneakers! who the **** does she think she is"
"i'm glad my hair doesn't look like that"
"i think i was *****"
"did you get it in, man? hahahhh"
"it's cuz his **** is smaller than his brain"
"got a D...i'mma go shoot myself. i ******* hate this lady"
"hah! I like HER skirt. notttt! what the ****, she looks like a hippo"
"yeah we're kind of a thing now. he texts me like, 24/7...my parents were so ****** over break"
"oh my god i have this test in an hour...i was way too ****** last night to study"
"wow i didn't get **** on my midterms, hello mcdonald's"
"*******"
"hey *****, you're lookin' ******"
"check my ***. good? good."
"yeaaahhh man! we make this punch...it's crazy. half a solo cup and you're gonneeee. tuesday, man. be there or be a little **** for the rest of your life, hahahhahh"
"duude we were dropping ecstasy like crazy! everything looked like pink marshmallow fluff...some poor ******* jumped off the garage roof, thought he could fly or some ****...you want some? i can get you some, bro. no prob."
"i couldn't even sleep last night, my roommate was banging her boyfriend and the moaning was sicking me out"
"yeah bathsalts are some ****...my cousin tried to rip out his kid's eyeball one time...it was ******* hilarious"
"did you get in her pants?"
"homerun?"
"i was so drunk man, i don't remember anythingggg hahahhhh"
"honey...i was drunk. i don't even remember sleeping with her, you can't blame me"
"i was drunk...surprise buttsex!!"
"dude she had her hands in my pants for half of the class"
"can you believe she posted that? i mean come on"
"yeah! then write ***** on it!"
"hahah i wrote this note on her door with my number...saying that i was a lesbian and thought she was hot....then the ******* ****** called me and me and my roommates basically pranked **** out of her for like, two hours"
"dad, i know. i get it. yeah. yeah. ALRIGHT! i just need a couple hundred. i'll pay you back. it's just to help me get by. yeah, this one professor wants me to do some extra reading. i need it for a book..."
"yeah he likes you! he texted me! text him back. COME ON! i'm telling you...you're gonna end up 22 and STILL not have boyfriend. just do it already...jess!"
"yeah we didn't even have enough gas to get here. had to borrow money from my dad...ohmygodd...this app won't load..."
"it wasn't ****...it was more like...******* a dead fish...hahahhh!!!"


"i'm gonna fail"
"don't worry about it, it's the professor's fault. she's a ******."

i must stop falling in love
with boys who write poems.
they love a love that's lost
they love a love that is misery
they love the cuts on my arms.
they only want
a sad-eyed muse
and i cannot be sad
all the time

1.  you had beanie babies...
a lot of them
you shared your magazines
and forced me to join your club
i later ripped up our contract
and threw it at your face
but i was only eight

2. i liked the way you sat in the cold metal chairs
during church
you sat like you owned the place
and not God
hunched over
your knees spread
scowling
at everything;
me

3. you'd get hurt on purpose
and then cry
so all the girls would come running
to comfort you
i really liked you
until then

4. you came over to my house
to see my sister
you called me
"Other World-Girl"
because i knew things
you didn't

5. i met you on an online rpg game
i needed help with some quest
that involved dwarves
you were a high level
mysterious
12 years old
you talked a lot about
steak
and naked women
we're still friends
today

6. i met you at an over night youth event
about world hunger
you had the most alluring smile
i hit you with a football
in the head
in a gym
i was fourteen
you called me
your joyous red
we hugged
tightly
and often

6. the cousin of number three, you were gangly
barrel chested
a skater punk
parkouring through my chest
making fun of me
always

7. you were from argentina
i met you once
and liked you because you read and wrote
like i did
you asked me
about a song
you hardly spoke english
but after you went back to your country
we talked on facebook
for three years

8. i don't remember how i met you
it was kind of
sneaky
you had curly brown hair
freckles
every time i walked into a room
you yelled "here comes trouble!" and smiled
mrs. geiger told us
at a dance
that we were
a cute couple
you blushed a lot
and danced with me
all night
thea told me
that you liked me
i stopped seeing you
after a year or two
i miss you,
theo

9. i met you in chicago
a mexican
japanese-speaking
artist
gone violinist
i wrote on the wall of your bedroom
it was short-lived
you gave me a lot of
popsicles

10. a fuzzy-headed
jewish trumpet player
you always made dead-baby jokes
and something about jesus and boats
you could hit really high notes
on your trumpet

11. i was sixteen
you liked a girl i hated
you threw frisbees really well
another trumpet player
metal head
you dated her for a while
then she broke up with you
and got pregnant
with some ugly guy
and married him
but i guess this isn't about her
you came back last summer
and wanted to give me a massage
sing with me
hold me
i said
no

12. you played tommy djilas
in the music man
i was mrs. paroo
you loved lady gaga
still do
you're really funny
and dorky
but you liked my older sister

13. you were a lot older than me
i started liking you
when you shaved
the disorderly ***** hair
off your chin
you read the bible
a lot

14. i can't remember your actual name
i think it was mike
or something
i called you
california
your family kicked you out
and you moved in with my bestfriend
you were
so funny
we were
bestfriends

15. your brother asked me out
i said no
i liked you because i was bored
you had a nice ****
i dunno
17 is a weird age

16. you called me your
hippy
you were really muscular
and had nice hair
you always smelled really good
you were kind of short
and a player
you always wanted
to arm wrestle me
i always
said no

17. i liked you
for a total of a day and a half
you got so annoying
i started to wish you'd
fall off the face of the planet

18. the third trumpet player i've liked...
they all turned out badly
guess i should stay away from them
metal head
socially awkward
you wore sunglasses constantly
you had an unhealthy obsession
with ducktape
and bacon
you gave me a bacon mint once
i spit it out
i stopped liking you
after you became a gentleman

19. i didn't really actually like you
i liked that you liked me
you were really annoying
and if i didn't respond to a text
within ten minutes
you sent me forty more
just to make sure i was still breathing
ugh

20. you had me at the word
heinous
you were really muscular
and you had the prettiest brown eyes
you'd call me in the park
between calling
all those other girls
you turned out to be
the worst mistake of 2012
glad that's over

21. you were some creepy viking-like person
from alabama
a bible beater
who didn't believe in singing with instruments
you were bearded
really arrogant
and rude
i really don't know why i liked you

22. your guitar
could never stay tuned
after a while
it just sounded horrible
you used long words
thought i was hilarious
always tried to touch my hair
tickle my neck
i stopped liking you
after hearing you talk to your little brother
that i loved
so nastily
for talking to me

22. you're in my english lit class
you have a really **** brooklyn accent
a deep voice
and the most curious, interested stare
i ever saw
i liked you a lot
until i found out you have a girlfriend
named anna
i've always hated
that name

23. you're my
bestfrand
not friend
frand
you force me to watch scary movies with you
just so someone will hold you
when i'm scared
we talk every night
you told me that you loved me
and then apologized
i think i've stopped loving you
but every time you tease me
hate everyone who flirts with me
post funny pictures on my wall
make me stay up
because you can't sleep
give me kittens
sing thrift shop with me
show me ridiculous videos
smile at me
like you do
i can't be
sure

three sets of withered, wrinkly hands
with chipped
tired
pale-pink nailpolish
flutter in the air,
describing.

three froofy perms
one browny-gray
one white
one salt and pepper
bob
jutting forward,
one
wobbles a little.

Grandma wears
a green-foam party hat
with a thin, white elastic band
that runs under her wrinkled chin
it sits atop her fuzzy perm
comically...
she smiles
at me.

"Ah! my cappuccino! you remembered i like it, didn't you?"
she chucks her great-granddaughter
under the chin,
grins
"oohh! look at these gardening gloves! Cidi! look at these gloves! i like the green ones."
she hands them to her white-haired sister
aunt cidi told me
this year she is
ninety-one
oh, and the gloves were really
blue.

aunt cidi
misses uncle harland
he was buried three or four years ago
in his uniform
i remember sitting next to him
at awkward family reunions
eating hotdogs
i never saw so much mustard
in my life
he could never hear me
when i tried to talk to him
but he smiled
anyway.

the talk turns serious
suddenly
over our black coffee
crossed legs
sweaters
and chocolate cake
grandma turns grim
in her lime-green party hat
"did you end up killing that trumpet vine in your yard, Jeanie?"
aunt jeanie's head wobbles a bit
she squints
wrinkles her nose
"i TRIED to!"
she scowls.

schemes of ******
plotted by three chunky-earringed
sweet
old ladies
who are a little late
for the 1940's
but never too late
for a handsome
soldier
"we're older..."
says aunt jeanie
"but not THAT old!"
they all
giggle.