i already regret
letting him go
because i already feel
alone and now
i get why
i'm only
lovely
when you're
lonely.

maybe
if i eat enough candy
i'll be sweet
enough for you.

one day i’ll take you to the field
we won’t go together, i’ll take you there
because i’m not the type of girl to ever be “with” anyone

i’ll bring my boom box and wish it was from the 90’s
and i’ll find droopy flowers to play with
even though i know you think it’s stupid

you’ll pick through my cd collection
and i’ll pretend to be embarrassed when you find albums by the bands you hate
you’re supposed to think it’s endearing
you’ll pick country music
and i’ll pretend it’s a compromise
because i gave up awhile ago

in the dark i won’t see your ***** hair
and i won’t have to stare into your empty eyes
you’ll just **** me,
my back will grind into the grass,
and i’ll try to enjoy it
while you hold me close and wish i was Her.

i roll
my hope
into a joint
and light
up.

when i was little i
wrote poetry about
                                                  bugs.
i watched them
dance through the evening
                                                  sky
and­ at the time i
thought that they were
                                                  free.
free­, like i would grow up to be.

but i grew up and they
looked different to me
                                                  then.
the fireflies no longer would
dance for me, it was more
                                                  frantic.
l­ike they were trapped,
schitzophrenic, in cages of their own
                                                  making.
and­ i felt pity for them.

but now i see
that we all have
                                                  cages
and while everyone
around me is finding their
                                                  escape
i feel lost
between these narrow
                                                  bars.
i'­ve been here a long time

and i think i've
lost my
                                                  key.