big sister thinks she knows how boys work
big sister hasn't been with a boy like i have.
first he's kissing you
then he's got his hand up your shirt
and no matter how much you promise me
that your christian ideals will stay in tact
watch how quickly those lines blur and degrade
the hand that holds you will hold you down soon enough
i know how it goes
i'm not a *****

big sister,
i wish i could tell you
what he did to me
maybe then you would be more careful.

just casually enjoying looking at other people's birthday pictures
and waiting for my boyfriend to drive two hours
to say goodbye to me
because even though he's the ****** he's the one who gets the last word

i try not to let it hurt me
as i try with all things
but it lances through my stomach

you try to manipulate me into feeling sorry for you
a ****** predator
i will no longer.

one last hurrah
for Red The Liar.
she forgives the man that ***** her
and stays with him
how many more times,
miss Red?

ARE YOU
ANY BETTER
THAN HIM

ARE YOU NOT GUILTY
OF SIMILAR SINS

why does he now repulse me so?
we are the same.

i got a lot out of this relationship
but most of what i got
wasn't anything at all
bamboo desk plant
little caged bird and vine,
comfort me

pack up the room of pulsating anxiety.
these walls that are seeped with your hatred will bleed into your delicate spiderweb nightmares no longer, baby.

pack up your clothes, books, shoes, hundreds of papers marked with ideas of how your mind operates
pack up your soiled, tired sheets
covered in mascara and aching disappointment
that hatred that lies on everything like a film of dust
pack it up,
put it away.

and as you fold and pile and scrape, honey
forgive yourself.
forgive the objects.
lay the knife in a box and apologize for the way you used it
whisper sweet nothings to the underwear he removed from you in his bed
tell them it will be ok.
tell them that you won't let him touch them anymore
that you won't let him touch you anymore
that he will not be able to reach you anymore
that all the filmy hatred that left your pores and entered into everything that makes up who you are for an entire ******* year
WILL BE BRUSHED OFF.
WILL BE LEFT BEHIND
IN THIS ROOM OF CRUSHED BONES AND RANCID INSIDES

that you...
you are going to a better place.
you are putting to death the you that lived in this room
that cried in this room
that died in this room
stake it through the heart
cut off the head so it cannot return
mutilate the frightening, hideous, trembling manifestation of yourself that labored in the night
in this
room


in going home for the summer,
return home in your mind.
find that place again, baby.
find it and make a home there.
remove him from you like the parasite that he is.
go home for the summer.

go
home.