If people wanna hurt you,
They're not worth it.
They're not worth fighting for
Like you thought they were.

And I know you just wanna help,
But baby, save your energy,
It's not worth it.

Suicidal thoughts plague my entire being.
There are days I want to take my life.
I get ignored by the people
Claiming to be my friends.
I sometimes wonder,
How different everyone's lives would be,
if I was dead.

I haven't written anything in over a month,
and I think it was my medication
That actually made me a tad bit better.

But the problem was I was so tired.
My grades started dropping.
I couldn't fight it.
I was a liar.

People would ask, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just a bit of a rough day," I'd say.

It's not getting me far.

I've been hospitalised twice in my life,
Carried by an ambulance once,
and I've tried committing thrice.

Suicidal thoughts plague my entire being.

Dear Alex, of our freshman year,

You do not deserve this pain.
The pain he has inflicted- Yes,
You admittedly hurt him too,
But you do not deserve the pain he has given unto you.

You do not deserve the suffering that she has given,
For the threats upon your life,
The hours spent wondering what you did wrong-
Baby you did nothing wrong.
She just doesn’t accept you
And you scare her
And so she takes it out as anger.

You escape her, darling,
I promise.
It has been a year since you moved out in my time,
And you are doing so much better.

Life gets better.

Little me,
Life gets better.

You go and buy new binders,
Ones that fit as you gain your weight back,
You start finding real friends,
Find a real lover.

You lose a lot of people as time goes on.
But you learn to let go,
Move forward,
You learn to be okay.

You have people you have to stay for.
People who love you.
They help you.

It’s going to be okay,
So, so soon.

You’re going to be okay.
Sincerely,
Alex, of our junior year.

My childhood was messy.
I know that much,
However I do not know most of what happened.

I’ve a feeling, a few memories,
Of being beat,
Dragged across the floor by my hair-
He was most likely drunk.

I’ve forgiven him, now,
Working towards a decent relationship.
We rarely talk.

I remember some of my childhood,
A few good memories,
My hand in my mother’s back pocket,
As we walked through Wal-Mart,
Looking for food.

The peace I felt,
Is what I wish I had once more.

My childhood had many,
Many ups and downs,
And perhaps I truly didn’t have one,
But that’s okay.

I’m learning.

When resting, with my head on his chest
And his arms wrapped around me
I find peace.

It is hard for me to sleep like this,
Ideas of love poems come flitting by,
Passing thoughts that do not last long.
But they are calm.
They are.. Peaceful.

It had not been for a while that his arms
Found me again,
and the solace is once more given back
as the weeks had gone by
I had begun to question my sanity.

But as his arms do find me,
Once more, on a bed that has seen me cry
More tears than I can count
I am at peace
but this love poem
Flitting through my mind
Lingers just long enough for me to capture it.

In his arms,
I find peace.

I hate this.
I hate looking at my body-
I hate looking at my chest-
I hate this.

I hate scratching at my limbs,
Tugging on bras and binders,
Tugging on pants that remind me
My shape is the most feminine I’ve seen for a trans male-

I’m not even fully a boy but this dysphoria
This dysphoria is here and
I don’t want it.
But I can’t get rid of this body-
There are days I like this body but
I don’t always want this body and today
Is one of the days I don’t want this body and I just.
I’m tired of this body right now.

Dear First Love,
When it comes down to it,
I would still do anything for you.

I would still throw down my life,
And give up everything,
If you asked me to.

I will always love you,
No matter if you ever loved me but
Part of me thinks you did, otherwise
I don't think you would've cried twice,
And honestly,
I don't really know what I'm doing without you
By my side.

Dear first love,
I honestly want to scream “*******”
At the top of my lungs
Because you made a habit
Of using me for nothing but your entertainment.

You would disappear for months at a time,
At one point, even a few years,
And would only text because you were lonely.
Because I was an outlet that you knew I would fall into
Your arms time and time again.

Dear first love,
I am finally standing up to you.
I am finally not letting you take advantage of me.
I am finally being strong enough to let you go,
Because being away from you, fully, 100%
Made me realize
I really don’t need you.

Dear first love?
*******.