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I can’t tell you how much I miss her
or I might begin to cry
it may just be the idea of her
and my memory is a lie
either way, there is a deep-rooted longing
the need for companionship and belonging
someone to share my love and passion
feel free to call me old fashioned
but I miss her whoever she was or could be
her that fulfilled all my needs
where have you gone the love of my life
I know the answer I know that you died
tell me how I fill that void
that hole where a heart once sat
now those feelings I try to avoid
now I only deal in facts
the fact is I talk to strangers
about everything but love
how can I tell them how much I crave her
about what really is and was
now I use my body to numb the pain
so many strangers
so many forgotten names
I can’t name her
or remember her voice
I can’t even say she loved me back
or that she really had a choice
so please please cut me some slack
if I step out of line
and if I look a little down
please ask again if I say I’m fine.
This is a deeply personal poem that's been sitting in my drafts since 2019 as I could not bring myself to post it, why now? Maybe its time.
I hate the weight of each heavy smile
Within my worries are starting to pile
Sirens going and the alarm in my head
Has me wishing to weep instead
But the last thing I intend is to cause concern
So I hold the flames in though I feel my chest burn
Walls slowly creeping inch by inch
Closing in from all sides but I refuse to flinch
I hate to make a sound that might draw attention
So my anxiety I do not dare mention
Fighting for air but on the surface remain still
Underneath skin fear is too powerful to ****
All I want is for laughter to be more than a facade
And to look into the mirror and not view a fraud
Please just let my happiness for once be genuinely real
My emotions a tiring charade that I will never truly feel
Just one of those days
Not just someone to hold my hand,
but to walk with me through marbled halls—
past paintings that whisper centuries,
beneath chandeliers humming old opera songs.

To sit beside me in velvet-red seats,
when the curtains rise on tragedy and jazz.
Who claps when the classical music swells to its peak
even if he doesn’t understand the raga,
just because I’m moved.

To take Polaroids of me mid-laugh,
to frame the soft, un-posed pieces
I often forget I have.
To bring me lilies and baby’s breath,
not because it’s Valentine’s,
but because he listened when I said,
“These are my favourites.”

To come to church,
not for the sermon,
but for me.
To sit in the quiet stained-glass stillness,
not believing the same things,
but believing in us.

To be patient when I unspool,
when my feelings tangle like old film reels.
To hike with me, sleep under stars,
smell like firewood and freedom.

To cook, even messily—
pasta overdone, toast a little burnt,
but with a smile made of effort.

To plant something and keep it alive.
To find joy in roots and green things.

To let vinyls fill our evenings,
crackling jazz and soft acoustics,
swaying barefoot in the kitchen.

To read my poems—really read them—
not just skim the metaphors,
but feel the ache beneath each line.
To hum the songs I play on my guitar,
even off-key,
just to harmonise with my heart.

To let me talk about emperors and wars,
ancient cities and revolutions,
and not just nod—
but ask,
“But why did that matter?”
So I can light up with the answer.

This is the kind of love I want.
Not flashy, not loud.
But curious.
Present.
Rooted like a garden,
melodic like jazz,
and sacred like Sunday.
isn't it strange, that you meet yourself in different people, in new faces,
The person you witness and become, the imprint remains
It is part of you, subdued but brewed like cyclonic wind
Decode others with empathy, look beneath the eyelids
The door to the soul, it looks just like mine
From the exterior, what is, all these coverings?
We have hidden the warmth quite beneath everything.
I wrote this haiku
Just to prove a point in words:
No one reads these days.
The poor can bleed while the rich do feed, upon the wars and that they hang around there necks. skulks of the fallen collected never buried but trophy’s of the greed that fed the blood soaked bills that passed from hand to hand. Like bullets passing through flesh, only the poor die, while the rich say more to fed the machine of greed that is never fulfilled until the last drop is cleaved with a bomb or bullet. And the poor due alone and hungry not able to buy a bullet to end there suffering, but enough to end another in a war that all had forgotten.
I'll speak your name

until it's not pretty anymore

Until it's so sharp and so distorted

it burns my cheeks like acid.
It's what I'm good at, I'm told.
the hospital whiteboard
for the 21-year-old patient
has some sunny goals
"spend time with family"
"happy 4th of July"
upbeat aspirations
for a kid heading to the OR
to get sliced and diced
for ***** donation
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