All Up In My Head
A Poem By: Olivia Williams.



All up in my head
Can't even go to bed
Just keep seeming to fret
still trapped in a loop
Like I'm caged in a coop
Fighting every night
Demons always picking fights
Losing my mind

How many times
Do I have to count
Schools getting hard
That's why I'm writing this
I'm still fighting
but when I'm bout to escape
I miss my chance

And The Voices in my head
Can't seem to help me focus on my work
Can't seem to help me sit still
Its like my head Is being pounded like a drill

I know somethings wrong
But how do I speak up?
My body doesn't feel right
I am still having a hard time
Falling asleep and waking up

The world goes by in slow motion
My brains in a fog
While it feels like the voices in my head
Are yelling at the top of their lungs

I'm all up in my head
Am I losing my mind?
I'm still trying to fight
But I'm not sure when my body will..
Break..
Will this make..
Me change

Will this take its time?
When I express my concerns
It feels like the response or “change”
Is taking eternity

I'm starting to fall apart
not only on the outside
But internally

I'm all up in my head
Writing this because I can't seem to go to bed
I'm stuck here staring at these pale yellow walls
Wondering if sleep will come..

If any at all
I'm still..
All up in my head.

Friend- a poem
By: Olivia Williams
———
We can talk all night,
Spill secrets and gossip all day,
Talk about cute boys and girls,
Or those who betray.
We can go shopping in the mall.
Swimming in the pool.
I need new people,
Because I trust very few.
My health is deteriorated,
I know that’s a fact.
I just want someone by my side,
Who knows how to cheer me up,
Pull back my hair,
When I’m sick.
laugh till we both CANT breath.
I just wish for a person,
who’s someone knew.
I wish someone would talk too me,
Better than some others do,
It’s true.
I struggle day and night,
To build trust in the people I have,
To be honest,
I need to start anew!
Will you be my friend?
To infinity and beyond,
Is the word in my family.
We love, and carry, and trust.
to infinity and beyond,
And I need a new person,
Who respects that too,
Be my friend.
And we’ll connect.
I need to be more open,
So let’s be friends.

Valiant-
A poem By:
Olivia Williams.
——-
I try to be valiant
I try to be brave
I try to be someone important
I try to be a friend
I try to be honest
And kind
I try to be respectful
Creative, and unique
But yet I fall
And I get sad
That things aren’t going the way I planned
This person he controls
My whole personality
And always withholds
From letting me be myself
So I can’t be any of those
I try to be unique
I try to be myself
But most of all
I want to be valiant

-FIRE IN MY VEINS-
A SONG/ POEM: BY
OLIVIA WILLIAMS

INTRO
———-
I've been fighting for my life
Now I'm putting my foot down
If you cross me again
You’ll see inner strength now  
I’m done being bound
You said you trusted me
I trusted back  
A relationship. but,
Now you broke my life apart
Shattered it like glass  
So now I’m done with that
I've been torn apart
I've lost a couple hearts
My hope wrecked like a boat
On a rocky shore
Not afloat  
I screamed for help
But on one came
I was struggling then
With those to blame
I’m taking control
I’m not stepping down
You can stand back
Or you can JOIN ME NOW


CHORUS
——————
I was broken,
I was bleeding,
I was pleading,
I was screaming.
I wasn’t fighting,
Now I have fire in my veins.

Skin strong- like a tigers mane
Your bout to meet,
The real me, no glam.
I’m not a fan.
BAM.
I am in your face,
LIKE WAM.
You expected- grace?
HAH, NO..
I was silent,
Now I speak.
Seriously!? You think I’m weak!?
Try bleeding on the streets,
Face down.  concrete!
Oh! I don’t think you’ve looked at me!?
I’m rising from the deep.
So are you going to guess,
Who your about to meet?  
HAH- ITS ME

BRIDGE
————
From ashes, I rise
From fear, I thrive
You think I’ll decline?
Watch me put up a fight.
Strength in my breath,
Heart beating slow,
Anxiety fading,
Watch my power grow.
Ashes and chains—
You think I’m afraid?
Watch who you blame.
DON’T make this mistake.
I’ve got fire and flame,
Strength and pain.
I won’t take the blame—
You’ve done nothing but cause hurt and shame.
Now I’m dropping the weight of chains,
And I feel it—truly, in my veins.


VERSE 1
————
you call me insane
You think I’m untamed
I’m breaking through  
You think Im stupid
I’m foolish- a clown
In your carnival games  
Your actions are crazy
You act careless and lazy
Treating me like a baby

My life is turning around
Your actions and others
Have ripped me apart
Like paper and blades  
I’m going to put up a fight
If you think you can play me
With your stupid games
I’m not taking peoples stupidity
Not all these lies  
I’m standing up
If you test me
We’re DONE
I won’t swallow your remarks
I won't shy away- your pain
You don’t want to test me
Because I'm stronger than you believe  

I got fire coursing
Brain is flooding  
So DON'T make the same mistakes.
I’m not putting on the breaks  
Fire in my veins
Taking the reigns
Blood boiling like steam
Energy rising
Like light from a beam
Stress fading like the storm you caused  
im taking control
It’s not taking a toll  
You want me to hit pause?
No! LOOK AT ME NOW
Fire is my strength
And it’s stampeding through my veins

CHORUS
————-
I was broken,
I was bleeding,
I was pleading,
I was screaming.
I wasn’t fighting,
I got fire in my veins.

Skin strong- like a tigers mane
Your bout to meet,
The real me, no glam.
I’m not a fan.
BAM.
I am in your face,
LIKE WAM.
You expected- grace?
HAH, NO..
I was silent,
Now I speak.
Seriously!? You think I’m weak!?
Try bleeding on the streets,
Face down.  concrete!
Oh! I don’t think you’ve looked at me!?
I’m rising from the deep.
So are you going to guess,
Who your about to meet?  
HAH- ITS ME


BRIDGE
————
From dark- I've grown
I sit- on a Throne
No more chains
That kept me bound
Look! It’s the real me!
It’s she, who I've found!
I won’t take your blame
You think Its funny?
Like it’s your game?
Well, your out of luck,
Remember my name


VERSE 2
—————
I’m done hiding the pain,
No more tears in the rain.
Every scar has made me stronger,
No more running, no more hiding.
I will always keep fighting,
I faced the dark, I faced the storm,
Found the fire that keeps me warm.
I’ve fought battles deep inside,
Where broken memories and fears collide.
But now I’m rising, breaking chains,
From those who left me to take the blame
Leaving behind all the stains.
The past can’t hold me anymore,
I’m stronger than I was before.
You thought I’d break and fall,
But I’m standing tall through it all.
Stronger now, I claim my reign,
Fire blazing through every vein.
I’m the storm you can’t contain,
And I’m never backing down again
CHORUS
————-
I was broken,
I was bleeding,
I was pleading,
I was screaming.
I wasn’t fighting,
I got fire in my veins.

Skin strong- like a tigers mane
Your bout to meet,
The real me, no glam.
I’m not a fan.
BAM.
I am in your face,
LIKE WAM.
You expected- grace?
HAH, NO..
I was silent,
Now I speak.
Seriously!? You think I’m weak!?
Try bleeding on the streets,
Face down.  concrete!
Oh! I don’t think you’ve looked at me!?
I’m rising from the deep.
So are you going to guess,
Who your about to meet?  
HAH- ITS ME

OUTRO
————
Candle bright,
Guiding the night,
Stronger than you think,
I’m ready for more.
I want to be more than who I am
I want to make an imprint,
On the ground where I stand.
This is my story told,
In courage, fierce and bold,
Standing tall, I’ve named—
For sure-
I HAVE CLAIMED!
FIRE IN MY VEINS!!

The Road-
A poem: by Olivia Williams.
——-
i've run along this road all my life
I've been running away from it all night
I've been hanging on to these handrails that just keep breaking
People keep telling me that no matter what I'm lying
I've been running away from these shackles that hold me prisoner
These thoughts that want to break my mind
My body that feels like its crumbling as time goes on
“I need to hang on”
“I need to stay strong”
I think in my head as I run this road
“But I'm a failure”
“But I'll never be important enough”
They reply back
“You'll never be great”
You'll never be perfect”
They continue as they chuckle
I run as they chase me
All my thoughts mix together
Envy and Sadness
Hope and anger
Hopelessness
It's all there
It is all that held my world accountable
All the times I've been pushed to breaking point
All the times I've been hurt beyond words
All the times I've been left in the dirt
All the times I've been missing the signs
The signs I'm human
The signs I'm a good person
The signs I'm someone worth living for
Everyday i fight
Fight pain, physical and mental  
Fighting has held me strong
Everything inside me
Is fighting
I sing it
It's my song
This is my road
My life
My heart
And I've reached a point where I have to accept myself
No matter what
This roads mine
Through everything
My Suffering and my pain
My joy and my shame
it's on this road
That I've been running from
I've been running from my feelings
They have tried to hold me hostage
This devil of dark
This red-eyed monster
The past is behind me
I'm starting new
This year is my year
I'll make sure of it to
I need all the help i can get
To change my ways
To help me move away from the past
I need to move past it
I call all family and friends
All teachers and others
All my supporters
I need people to help me
I need people to join my road
So…
Will you join me?

I WATCH
A Poem- TW -HEALTH ISSUES-
—————
I watch myself
From across the room.
My heart beats fast.
My brain spins.
My body feels
Like it’s tingling,
Like it’s truly not there.
I watch myself
Do things that aren’t me.
My hand moves
As if I turned an unknown key.
My mouth speaks words
I sometimes don’t know.
I constantly feel like I’m in a hazy fog,
In a world of the unknown.
I feel dizzy,
And suddenly, time stops.
I try to move,
But nothing works.
I try to make eye contact,
But my vision is blurred.
People’s words drown out,
The world goes silent.
I feel unheard.
Then everything comes rushing back,
Like bubbles coming to the surface.
I continue with what was said before,
Not realizing everyone’s staring at me weird.
I’m confused, but they don’t say a thing,
And I continue as normal,
Not sure what happened.
I have panic attacks.
After each one,
I feel like my body is going to explode.
My head pounds hard.
My heart beats fast.
My body shakes uncontrollably.
It always seems to last.
I still don’t feel okay,
But it’s an everyday thing.
I feel out of my body,
Like a ghost turned to dust,
Like I’m watching myself perform tasks
That I’m pretty sure I’m not.
Many times,
I feel as if I’m out of my body,
Or like I’m spacing out
And losing my memory.
I’m unsure of why,
But my body feels like a crumbling brick wall
That gets built up and knocked down.
It’s wall after wall,
Never that strong.
I still watch,
I still wait,
As my vision dims again,
And words are incoherent,
Like I’m drowned out by the noise of a freight train.
I scream in silence,
As my body falls asleep.
My eyes feel like rocks,
Sinking to the bottom of a sandy reef.
I will always watch,
And watch,
As time goes on.
I’m glad my friends understand,
But I’m contemplating
If something is wrong.
And yet, I will
Watch.

The Attack- TW- HEALTH ISSUES-
A poem by Olivia Williams
—————————
That Thursday,
my legs met the floor.
A thump echoed in the elevator—
I couldn’t stand, any longer.
I barely remember.
One moment, I felt like I was going to pass out.
The next—
the floor met my exhausted body,
as my feet succumbed to gravity,
like a rock sinking into deep water.
My arms went limp.
My body went numb.
My brain felt like it was colliding into a wall—
or like someone was banging on it
like a drum.
Like strings were cut,
nerves were severed,
the ones that told my body:
"Work, or you're a coward!"
Everything from my neck down
forgot who was in control.
My body forgot who it was connected to—
it had a mind of its own.
I have reflux
Anemia too
I get attacks frequently
They literally knock me down
So DONT play me for a fool
My fingers felt cold,
turning to frost.
My lips were chapped and dry,
a crevasse so deep,
I couldn’t deny.
I was a ghost slowly lying there—
until a chair came.
Sight slipped away
as I was wheeled the other way.
First blurry—then gone.
My hearing too.
Like a blackout curtain appeared,
and I couldn’t tell who was who.
These voices I recognized—warped,
like they were underwater.
My breath was a battle.
My lungs begged for air,
but it refused to enter.
And the air I had
escaped faster than I could hold it.
Like a hammer on a locked door—
sealed shut—
I couldn’t get out
of the cave I was in.
Water was filling my body.
I lost all sense of time
inside that darkness.
They asked me,
“Stay awake.”
But I wasn’t there.
I couldn’t hear—see—or reply.
All of that
had been stripped from me there.
I entered the office,
heard— the concerned voices,
the mumbles saying:
“You need to take care of yourself.”
“You need to eat.”
“But I throw it all up,” I say.
“So my body makes it to this point.”
The lights were too bright,
filling my grey void.
Then—
everything came back.
I heard my own voice.
Then a voice I recognized entered the room.
She looked at me and asked questions,
but she knew
I couldn’t speak yet.
Because my body felt like
I was swimming through glue.
I was on the edge of fainting,
on the edge of life.
Food and water made a thump beside me.
I fumbled it open—
took one bite,
then another,
and another—
waiting for my body to recharge.
Like a dead battery.
I don’t remember what it was.
It didn’t taste good—
but I didn’t care.
I just ate, and hoped
my body would spare.
I cried,
knowing my body had failed me
in front of everyone.
Not from pain.
There was no scream,
no giant collapse—
just a person
sliding to the ground
in an elevator,
trying to get help
before fading away.
This isn’t weakness.
Or drama.
This is war,
with no warning.
This is fighting
with no rules.
I fight for life every day.
I’m told,
“You don’t have much on your plate.”
But surviving is my chore.
Life is a game.
I played the wrong cards.
I forgot to eat and drink—
because my body forgot to tell me how.
It made me ***** it back.
So this is what I get.
This is surviving
in silence,
day by day,
hour by hour.
This is an attack.