Loving you was easy,
I wanted to wake up,
I enjoyed getting up at 6,
I was happy to text you,
I got excited talking to you,
I felt butterflies when next to you,
I felt okay crying to you
I thought trusting you was scary,
but you made me feel safe...
And now...
I hate waking up,
I hate getting up,
I don't remember what happiness felt like,
I can't even say 'hi' anymore,
Instead of butterflies, it's pain,
I hide my pain so you don't see my tears.
I don't trust.
and now I'm not safe from myself.
You made loving you and myself easy...

People ask me everyday. "how do you do it?"
Which makes me wonder what they mean, "how to do you smile?"
They say it like there is steps to do it. The first thing is find something that makes you happy and remember the story behind it, next thing, when your done thinking look in the mirror and you'll see something different. Something you haven't seen since that day. A Smile.
But if you want the way i smile then do this.
Make you're mouth muscles move up and there you go. Faking a smile. Pretending everything will be okay.No one will bother you because when you smile no one thinks anything is wrong.
Growing up, everyone telling you that everything is gonna be okay.
Eventually it will but not for as long as you thought. They tell you to think of something happy even though it is not the same thing as being happy you'll be okay. Right? That's what they say. Everything is going to be okay.
But do they know that you're not okay? Do they know what you're doing to yourself? Would it be okay? To starve yourself until it's 'okay' for you? To paint pictures on your arms with anything sharp? To drive yourself insane? Will it be 'okay' then? Because last time i checked suicide wasn't OKAY