the kiss of death 
I wish it so easy to obtain
as many hear me wish to die 
reply 
then just do 

I render useless to such words 
as my story seems to defeat me 
the cries of pain 
fill my dreams 
despair speaks no end
as yet another domino falls to suicides place

ive tried seems to anger people 
im not sure why 
as I tell my story 
I see people cry 
yes ive tried suicide 
my notes for them hidden under my bookshelf
I tried 17 times
never seemed to hit the right vein

Just die echo in my mind
as many speak its melody
of past and now current 
when called out 
with yeah right 
I want to cry in a corner 
and stare at my scars 
both emotion and physical 


So yes 
Im scared alright 
and ive seen the kiss of death
so please stop 
the symphony of scars 
and yes
ive wished for the kiss of death
So just 
stop

eminds me of _   Learn commenting

[ Titleless ]

In these times
i believed so distant
to be non-existent
i dread life

i say i love him 
making him my life 
sounds so cliche 

i wish i could say such at this moment 
i was so sure
it feels so far 
that first time we smiled 
though many miles apart 
i believed him to be my life 
feeling his light so near 
as an embrace of my lover 

these times are the keys
to the locked part of my mind 
the ones i enter 
and see all the photos of my memories

the room of grief 
upon agony as my tears swell up
as everything i believed in comes to mind 
and crashing like the ocean tide back at me 
not to embrace me 
with such light anymore 

i feel like ive gone in a circle ive always seen
i want to trust 
yet i remain crying 
upon this room 
i want to be free 
but i cant move....

my eyes submerged into the photos of my memories
my father getting stabbed...
my grandfather dying 
seeing things others find nuts
being put through abuse of life 
and father 

i begin to wonder why am i alive
as the rooms shift 
a blank white wall
all too normal to belief 
yet all i can do stare

hospital 
the word that comes to mind 
taints my eyes as the white becomes
a blinding light 
and a hospital bed is all i see
staring down at my hands all i can see is my heros hand
cold 

insanity takes grasp once more 
as it shows me like a lost puppy 
the direction
as another who i believed in 
but died...
all i felt was fear as my wrists became scarred 
and a knife dug into my back

i lie there 
pondering if i wanted to truly die
and if i still do 
as reality comes back
among my sight restored
to the white ceiling of my room
i see blood splattered on my room 
and believe such to be true in due time

if this fears you 
brings to tears or anger 
my apologises 
as this is written as feelings of my reality

trying to understand me is to accept this 
to realize what i see is glitter and rainbows
to see i am scared
and not to disappear 
to love me is to be the guiding hand 
to be near me you must see 
i am much weaker 
than put out to be

if such is not alright my apologises
as my silence will be 
as a probability of fear 
my words become of distant memory 
as many 
disappear
with this i must say goodbye as the belief 
in my mind 
is to speak it 
but the walls block such 
as once be stated 
love me as me 
then further to understand me 
will be soon of greater truth

This isn't for anyone
As my words are my tears alone

Dreams flood my mind
All of these times 
I can't wait for this that
Or the other thing
While my mind speaks another dream 
I want to die
To feel the slice of a blade upon my neck 
As a necklace of blood lies there
Say I need help 
And all this
I try
It hasn't done any good
Beyond reversing to tear open old scars
I'm tired of living
In a world where a sight of the day 
Is another person's drama
It's like going to a theater 
And all that's playing is some 
Person Snapchat Instagram or personal story
I'm tired of not fitting in
Ever heard of the story of
The extrovert 
Turn introvert 
Well news flash we aren't all silent 
Dead do speak
Dreams tell our stories 
As people say what a shame 
And break us further 
I'm tired of being told I'm to blame 
That there's this tiny switch in my mind
That can turn it all off
That I'm broken and can be fixed 
See the abusive father who was is 
The least of my issues 
Which no one ever understands 
I say this and its like deer in the headlights 
I want people to be themselves
I'm tired of all these
Masks
Facades
Why is all I ask
So yes 
I'm broken in the eyes of humanity 
I'm torn to the shreds of a monster 
Those eyes are what form 
That blade of my dreams
That will finally slaughter me

The crashing of the waves 
the ultimate test of time
the soaking stance we stand by the shores
is up to us
will we listen to the oasis of the wind and sea
the earth and its sun stricken surface
stare up at the sky 
and think how amazing it truly is as over 7 billion 
people alone stare at the same sky
as the song of nature 
lifts them up and drifts them all to bed
the serpent of the sea approaches as the tides
becoming a demon of many people fears
as it washes man made structures into the sea 
to join Alantis once more
the Serpent of the sea is nothing of misery 
but a man made monster as it protects 
all the freedom we all choose as mankind to maintain 
its by our side 
as we choose it before our own greed 
and the tides will always play the serpents song
embracing the earth with its salty grasp
to reach out 
so please choose
do you rebuke it 
or 
treasure your time to it