I do not
know
what I struggle with
every day
but I do
know that I struggle
otherwise
I wouldn't be
so worn out
from waking up

The problem with
living
in a sort of
fantasy world
where people
live like
fireworks
all passion
and fury
burning eternally
after the story
ends is
just that

the story ends

and you're left sitting
on the couch you
bought on a five dollar
budget
with no adventure
lurking over
the horizon
other than the
commute to work
the next day
in hopes that
something
amazing
will happen

I am
and
I am not
leaving the
impression
of a flickering flame
of a candle
never ignored
but always forgotten
as a the light
in the cave
on a deadman's switch
always threatening
but never burning out
as we piled
on to feel warmth

Human beings
being human
always looking
with despair at
the sheen
from which they
stumbled
always swearing to be better
than the previous people
as a means of rebellion
against existence itself

Look around, kid,
and breathe deep
because everything
that has ever happened
has led to this moment right
now
and I know it's all sorta scary
and that you feel small
in the narrative
but understand
that everything that will
ever happen
will be eventually
tied back to you
someday
so get out there
and start creating
the kind of future
the kind of narrative
where you are so much more

He wasn't much
to look at
all raging
against mediocrity
trying to make sense
of the hurts in the world
by seeing how much
pain he could tolerate
and how many others
could bear
that pain with him

They're all a bit
fuzzy around the
edges,
what with the constant
flux in personalities
and tastes
and it's strange to
watch them try to freeze
the liquid in their souls
so as to have something solid
to hold onto in the rocking
of the seas
and maybe I notice that because
it's a reflection of me
or maybe the secret is
that when I look at people

I don't see them at all.

Save me a spot
next to you
on the next bus
out of town
as I'd rather go
anywhere with
you than
stay here
looking into
the faces of strangers
and trying to see
the divine

Maybe I'm just
getting tired
and overworked
and overwhelmed
and this is wearing
my faith
in humanity
and an intermittently-existent
God
thin and frail
and like the Autumn
leaves
I'm just another strong
breeze away from
floating off into
the gray sky

Which brings
us to the
issue
of Deuteronomic
thinking
and nothing is
all one way
or another
all ruled by
the things
we must do to
get by

I can't know
if God notices
us

I don't know
if I'd want
Him to