I've tried to fight the pain inside
but nothing seems to work
So today will be my final day
the end to all this hurt

I can't escape this misery
or hide the way I feel
So Death is all that's left for me
the only thing that's real

Is there anyone who hears my cries
or are they silent shouts
Does anybody see my pain
or know what its about

Will Death relieve this tortured soul
and set my spirit free
Or will I be a shadow of
the man I use to be

There's no more time to truly tell
since nothing seemed to work
So today will be my final day
the end to all this hurt

When I die don't mourn for me
for God has called me home
To walk with Him and talk with Him
along the streets of gold

When thoughts of me DO cross your mind
rejoice for now I'm free
To walk along the pure white sand
beside the crystal sea

When I look down from up above
I hope to see you smile
Remember that we'll be apart
for just a little while

I'll wait for you at Heaven's door
with arms opened wide
To welcome you to paradise
and all that waits inside

Silence echoes through my mind
as rage consumes my heart
With self-control beyond my reach
I slowly fall apart

I fight the demons in my head
but darkness takes control
The searing heat of nothingness
burns deep within my soul

But nothing seems to remedy
all the pain I feel inside
So all that I can think of are
these thoughts of suicide

My life has faded far away
so far beyond my grasp
So deep is my despair I don't know
how long I can last

Oftentimes I've thought about
just who would mourn my death
If anyone would even care
that I've drawn my final breath

Would anyone remember me
or cry because I've passed
So deep is my despair I know
there's no way I can last

I never will forget the day
my world came crashing down
It happened out on highway 6
just right outside of town

My wife and I were headed home
after dinner and a show
When a truck who crossed the center line
gave me nowhere else to go

When I hit the ditch doing 65
all I heard was Tammy scream
Everything around me slowed
like I'd stepped into a dream

We must have rolled at least 3 times
though I'm sure that it was more
Then I asked my wife if she was hurt
as I opened up my door

If she answered me I couldn't hear
for the ringing in my head
So I came around to check on her
and realized she was dead

It'll be a year tomorrow
when my life came to an end
I not only lost my wife that day
but also my best friend

But tonight we'll be as one again
of this I have no doubt
As I place her picture on my chest
and the barrel in my mouth

My final thoughts upon this earth
were of the only love I found
As I never could get passed the day
my world came crashing down

The whispered voice of yesterday
can wake tomorrow's dreams
Since all it takes is one true heart
who truly will believe

For nothing is impossible
with faith inside your heart
And inner strength through peacefulness
is one place you should start

Though hearts are where the dreams may live
their born within the mind
To follow them would bring us all
to a better place in time

Though some think dreams are foolish
they fail to see the light
My own beliefs are clear to see
as day is from the night

I hope you live your dreams each day
no matter what they are
Just plant your feet on solid ground
but reach for every star

For without dreams what do we have
but a world of in between
Cause the whispered voice of yesterday
can wake tomorrow's dreams

The end has come for me today

so I must say good-bye

It may be hard to understand

but I trust that you will try



My heart's so filled with emptiness

controlled by misery

I've finally seen that what I am

was never meant to be



The tears I've cried so recently

are for pain nobody knows

I just can't take it anymore

it's time for me to go



Is life suppose to be this way

with thoughts of suicide

Or has my life become a loss

with no one to confide



Does anybody understand

the pain that fills my heart

Or understand that all of this

is tearing me apart



Concealment isn't optional

for no one seems to care

I hide within my shattered thoughts

while drowning in despair



My heart has grown so heavy

and still I don't know why

The end has come for me today

now I must say good-bye

Last night I dreamed of muted sounds
where echoes have no end
Which came from sorrows people face
with hearts that never mend

They follow down the path that leads
through shadows of despair
Beyond the stream of tears they've cried
to the path that leads nowhere

Where the sobs are only memories
that haunt without a word
And bring to life the distant past
of voices never heard

But in the forest of the lost
are trees of lonesome pain
Which mark the passing of the ones
who've ever loved in vain

To escape you must remember
that Death's your only friend
From all the sorrow's people face
with hearts that never mend

The agonies of memories past
entreat within my mind
I struggle with the pleas of self
to dispel them all in kind

Never shall I find the peace
which grants a kindred soul
For presently I battle demons
who wish to take control

I hesitate for but a moment
wondering where to turn
And as each passing day goes by
the countless embers burn

Must I swelter in the heat
of endless tortured flames
Or shall I conquer and prevail
to rise above the pain

Will Death relinquish all it's hold
and allow me to be free
With promises of blissful sleep
that's void of misery

I travel down this fated road
my future carved in stone
It seems I'm destined in this life
to walk it all alone

There's no one who can feel my pain
or know my misery
I wait for Death to take my hand
since nothing's left for me

My tortured soul keeps searching for
the comfort in the end
Since loneliness and emptiness
have been my only friend

The peace of mind within myself
can never be replaced
I long to feel the gentle touch
within it's warm embrace

Will the whispering still echo
inside my haunted heart
While the distant memories of the past
keep tearing me apart

Constantly I 've had to fight
with demons of my own
So I travel down this fated road
my future carved in stone

When darkness falls across the sky
my fears hope for tomorrow
With dreams that soar like eagles fly
with peace and painful sorrow

As love remembers better times
and memories filter through
All these thoughts that fill my head
I wonder which are true

I toss and turn as nightmares rage
with terror in the night
With horror etched upon my face
I fear no end in sight

Through space and time I search for you
my shelter in the storm
You gave me strength like nothing else
I couldn't ask for more

But I fight these battles all alone
with no one by my side
It seems the truths that must be told
are torture to my mind

I'm bound for Hell with Heaven high
and time that can't be borrowed
As darkness falls across the sky
my fears are for tomorrow

We all have our problems
it's part of the game
But in all of our search
for fortune and fame

Things aren't exactly
what we thought they would be
So we're welcomed to the cold world
of reality

We live our lives
the best way that we can
But sometimes it's hard
and we don't understand

That we are all different
no one is alike
And nobody's wrong
but then no one is right

It all just depends
on the life that you live
And everyone's judged
by the help that they give

Some people won't give
and they really can't see
That their life is so empty
of what it could be

I give what I can
I know it ain't much
But each person I meet
I hope their life I touch

I want to be known
when my time is through
That I did what I could
for the people I knew

I hear the voice of whispered dreams,

Which echoed long ago

The distant thunder shakes the ground,

As the fear within me grows



The voice approaches steadily,

As fires form in Its wake

I turn to flee on legs of stone,

Theres no more I can take



The world beneath me opens up,

As struggling...I run

But mournful cries of tortured souls,

Has only just begun



I force myself to continue on,

As terror fills my mind

With fear and hope my only friends,

I pray that I'll survive



Hands of Death have reached for me,

For all these dreaded years

I feel the wounds of loneliness,

As I wipe away the tears



I slowly stop and face the End,

My head held ever high

With peace of mind I reach for Him,

No longer scared to die....

Each night I get to hold you
If only in my dreams
You wrap your love around my heart
While lying next to me

To say I love you is not enough
It's more than just these words
It goes beyond one single thought
And anything you've heard

I watch the moonlight touch your face
As I gently kiss your cheek
I wonder if its me you see
When you're smiling in your sleep

Although this dream will surely end
And I know I'll have to wake
With all the ways you've touched my heart
Its more than I can take

I count the days this dream comes true
And your love is here with me
But until that day I'll hold you tight
If only in my dreams

I wish I could have brought you joy
but instead I've brought you grief
And broke your heart with promises
that were just beyond my reach

I wish I could take back those words
which caused you so much pain
And replaced them with the memories
where only love remains

I wish I could make dreams come true
so you could wish on every star
And embrace the magic on the night
you hold within your arms

I wish I could have taken time
to wipe away your tears
And surround your heart with happiness
to alleviate your fears

I wish I could have been the one
who fulfilled your fantasies
And been the one to encourage you
to follow all your dreams

I wish I could have listened more
with patience in my heart
And held you closer to my side
as we both lay in the dark

I wish I could have thought of this
when at first you got with me
Before I broke your heart with promises
that were just beyond my reach

Time is passing so slowly.....  



Facing the future armed with uncertainty,

I pray the absence of normality makes everyday the same.

No longer to deny my mistakes,

I know where to place the blame.



So I try to make the best of this situation,

stripped of all my dignity,

still I maintain my frustration deep within my mind.

Behind these bars I am able to keep my sanity.  



For however long this must be,

my time will be spent focusing on tomorrow...

Forgetting about yesterday....

while remembering to smile today.



Please be gentle..... This was written back in 1992...while in jail facing a 50 year sentence. .. One of the first written.

Today began as many do
a waste of precious breath
Have I the strength to see it through
or is there any left

These struggles seem to multiply
within each passing day
As hope and dreams turn into lies
my faith slips far away

What do I do to gain the peace
that somehow I can't find
Will then these demons finally cease
and restore this shattered mind

I need to know what happens next
for all I know is pain
should I just end this misery
before I go insane

Can anybody save me from
these ghosts within my head
Since today began as many do
a waste of time and breath