These days i brush my teeth early,
I look at myself in the mirror,
But I can’t see clearly.

My eyes look bloodshot and black,
But I feel the best and worst i’ve felt.

The clouds tell stories of gruesome happenings.

A bunny, shooting its head off,
It keeps grabbing but it’ll never get it back on.

A face of a man, looking down on us all.
With an expression of greed, but it’s really sadness hidden in it all.

I’m dreaming clouds today,
With a tired look.

I let myself drown in coffee,
My feelings trickle down my throat
Almost choking me.
Just like medicine,
I make a bitter face.
I claw at the sides of the cup,
Desperately trying to survive,
Until I realize,
I've already died.

Simple words and simple choices,
Make me feel most loved.

When I know I am cared for,
And taken care of.

It’s pathetic really,
I’m looking for you in the skies,
Even when I know you’re not mine.

Papercuts hurt more than knives,
And it really meant something when you held my finger,
Dripping with blood,
And you kissed it.

Blooming in your hearts garden,
In your cage is where I wish to be.

Hold me and preserve me,
Give me your delicate touch,
It’s all I need to grow,
I plead.

Lay your harsh eyes on me,
I feel your emotion.
Don’t leave my love at sea,
Please?

I’m just a little rose,
And I swear when your eyes land on me,
Time slows.

At the end of the day,
I’ll always belong to you.
And you’ll always remember me,
As the little flower you grew.

A fragrance of roses gifted by the Autumn wind blessed my senses.
Love that can only be felt on a Spring morning,
Came to me right there.
The skies brightened up,
Colors, shades from orange to purple painted the innocent sunrise.
My lilies sang to me, with love that touched the deepest part of my soul,
I plant for their garden, my love spreading through the cracks of my hands, into their soil.
I find myself longing for your warmth, the pure soothing of my being.
But as my memories fade, and my roses lull me to sleep,
A picture of you in my mind is the only thing i wish to keep.

I'm losing pieces from me
And I'm suffering.
I can't get them back
I can't remember.
Are all the happy memories I made,
Just a waste?
I won't be able to remember them anyway.

-And then you raise your voice,
And i’m 6, hiding whenever I can.
Trying to block out the sound, covering my ears and yelling louder than you,
Except i’m not 6, i’m 19.

You try and befriend me,
Come closer to try and see me.
But i’m so little, hiding under the table,
By the terrace, holding my dad’s picture,
Wondering if the flat we’re in is too high for me to jump,
But in reality i’m not so little, I’m almost 20.

My nightmares wake me up,
And I run,
I scream,
I cry and weep,
And try to escape my fears.
But i’m not so fast as i used to be,
I’m almost 20.

When I dissociate it's like heaven.
I rip the barrier between reality and dreams apart.
I'm part of both.

She’s a leaf,
Dangling on the end of a branch,
Surrounded by so many others,
But she just doesn’t understand.

A butterfly spread its wings,
Their colours vivid as they fly,
Their wings flutter,
Fairy dust sprinkling way up high.

Purely coincidentally,
Some of their fairy dust fell,
On top of a lonely leaf,
But oh so pretty she felt.

Twinkling in the sunlight,
Her smile shined just as much,
Until the rain came,
And washed it all off.

She’s a leaf,
Dangling on the end of a branch,
Surrounded by so many others,
But she just doesn’t understand.

I can’t sleep.

My childhood dreams are chasing me down with knives,
Trying to stab my back,
Screaming at me, saying i ruined their lives.

Their words turn into jumbles,
And I can’t understand them,
But they keep japping at me,
Wanting me to relive them.

I’m sorry I left you,
But I had to.
I needed a type of comfort you couldn’t provide,
So I had to decide,
To put my happiness over my pride.

The sound that covers my vision
Throws me back to the memories of my windowsill
The window I used to stare out of for hours at a time
Sitting by it, dangling my legs out
Wondering what would happen if I just jumped.

Roses coated the outside of the wall below the first story window I often found myself by.

The vision I dream twists and I find myself laying on the hardwood floor by my white windowsill.
It's nigh-time and the moonlight leaks into my room, shining a blinding light on to the door.
I stare at the ceiling and feel the vibrations of the music on the floor

The house is silent, I know I'm not alone
But in this moment, nobody can hear nor reach me.
I turn my head and look towards my windowsill, admiring the starry night I lay below.

I gently close my eyes and hum the lyrics of the song playing,
Just as I find myself doing right now.

A voice chants to me
"Wake up"
"How do you feel?"
"Wake up"
"Please wake up"
In the most monotone way I could possibly imagine
"Please hold"
"Please hold"
"Please hold"
"Wake up"
"Wake up"
It makes me not want to
open my eyes
to the bright light
That is,
My lamp.
I know I'm alone, and nobody is here
So why does that voice still talk to me?

All these thoughts are taking over my mind,
And none of the happy songs are big enough to hide behind.
I try to keep it positive,
But as soon as I think of the future, I see what's the causative.
Happiness, laughter, magic, luck and charms
None of these could keep out the alarm
Blaring in my head,
Simply screaming to take the lead.
In this moment I turn to poetry and music
Creating a new world, but I know it's just a punic.
Or my family,
But I hesitate, because I know they're fighting their own agony.

I don't have any thoughts to share,
I'm sorry.
It's only my experiences and dreams.
They say poets are dreamers after all.

The paper says its Tuesday,
But I don’t believe it.
And my charger lays on my bed,
But I cannot reach it.

I left my soul at the bottom of the wrong bottle,
Where no treasure could be found,
Only the writhing agony of emptiness
That I ended up drinking again.

If you’d ask me,
Loneliness tastes of whisky.
Love tastes of ***** and my soul tastes like ****.
I am a rotten person, with rotten ways.
I hate myself.

Darling just stand a little bit stronger
I need a little bit longer
To sort out everything
Feelings
Dreams
Imaginations
Stay with me a little bit longer
I swear I'll get a little bit stronger

It’s getting chilly,
And I would much rather freeze by myself,
If you can’t warm me.

“Your fingers are cold”
“When are they not?”

It's been a while
I hardly recognize this song of art.
Not that it matters,
I know it's still stored deep inside my heart.

There's an ocean of silence between us,
And i feel like everytime we get closer,
We just drift further apart.
And I want you to know,
That right now I just want to fall asleep,
So that you wouldnt have to see me fall apart.
I know I said that I was afraid of dying,
But what if i was just lying?
Your threats mean nothing anymore,
An empty sound,
A gruesome cold war.
Innocent promises,
Dad,
Your rottenness is prominent.

A sweet sense of magic,
Is hidden in his hand.
A teardrop of green,
Hidden in the gaze towards his land.

To the boy who manages to pull me up,
Every single time I fall.
Don't you know
That those lips,
Kiss,
Simply magical,
Pure bliss,
It's not only this.
That makes me miss,
Every part of you.
To that boy,
Don't you know I love you?

I miss seeing notifications pop up on my phone
A little message from an old friend
A little birdie on my screen.
Holding a letter from the other side of the world.

The familiar tune shoots me back
into the past.
I can't help it
If i resist it,
I know it'll get worse.

The vague and broken memories
Reach out to me,
Like a hand in a burning house.

I'm afraid to trust it,
I can't recognize if the hand I'm seeing
Is myself,
broken, beaten, buried.
Screaming a song of beautiful pain
A plead for help.

Or if its myself,
Evil, envious, empty.
Looking to pull me back
Into the trauma, the house
That still manages to haunt me to this day.

Here I stay,
Waiting for the rain
Embracing the pain,
Not being able to get up
The thoughts in my mind
They feel like the heaviest chains
They fill me up
Drag me down
Scream at me,
Don't let me escape
When I don't obey them.
I have to leave,
Leave my body
Leave my mind
Just let me rest
Maybe in peace.

Hey baby,
How are you doing?
I know I'm right beside you
But it seems like I'm flying away.
Won't you hold me please?
I feel like I'll disappear

I threw everything out,
I broke everything,
Including hearts.
Today is the day I leave,
Leave all the tear filled eyes behind.

Morning laziness
Outdated happiness, oh!
What a sweet delight.

5 minute poems
I don't think about them.
But they're magical
The purest expression of thoughts and feelings.
No fancy wording,
No fancy rhymes.
Just simple thoughts.

Feels like we're worlds apart,
But here we sit in the same room.
Our eyes meet.
Art to art,
Pain to pain,
And we recognize the same kind of agony in each other.

Red pill, blue pill
What will you take today.
To face all of your failures,
Or look forward to the tomorrow, that'll be just the same
As today.

Out of everyone, you picked me.

These past few months flew by like lightning,
Strikes and river flows, ebony skulls and my nightmares hunting me down like deer.
But there was one thing that pushed me forward.
The days I woke up with your back to me, or the night I shook from the terror of my nightmares,
Just to hear your comforting voice, the smoothness of honey, dripping down my throat.
When the clock striked midnight and I looked in your eyes, I knew there was something coming to be.

For some reason, you picked me.

Face it,
Scream as much as you want.
Look at my face,
I'm emotionless.
I'm stone.

Dear stranger,
I have yet to find out your name.

You said we live in different worlds,
but look at us stranger,
Our realities collide.

I remember you,
Only slightly.
The soothing voice that read me bed time stories,
Remember that, "stranger"?

The one who tucked me into bed,
When mom thought you were out.

Well, stranger.
I wish you all the best,
Although I wish to never see you again.

I wish,
For us, once again
To become strangers.

His laugh lights my world up.
And I know I want to say,
That the brightest stars pale in comparison to him
But somehow I can't bring myself to.

He's busy,
I mutter to myself.

That's  right
step on  my  feelings
Tell me  everything  that's wrong with me
I beg of you
Hand me the  hatred  I deserve
Enlarge the  self hatred  I already have.
Don't care if I cry
Be busier
Don't pay  attention  to me
Punish me
For the inevitable,
For something I couldn't change even if i wanted to
I beg of you
Ruin me  before I do
So that I have someone to blame

Avoiding looking at people in the eyes
Because I know that when I smile
I'll feel bitter after laughter.

Dark mind,
Lost thoughts, don't hide
Believe in yourself, little girl
In the shadows you lurk, you're left behind
Never wanting to change
Too scared to accept the fate,
That you'll always be alone.
Embrace it,
Question it.
Are you heaven or hell?
The hellish taste but the sweet heavenly sensation drags me under.

I have nothing to say,
Nothing to write.
My hands work and I sit back and watch.
I watch what THEY come up with.
Delightful it might be,
It's like the angles took my hand,
And started writing my own feelings out.
Letting my blood flow
Like silky red wine.
Letting my flesh be visible,
Along with my feelings that hide a bit deeper than flesh.

There's a though I have to let out
A beast, trapped in my mind.
Going wild.
It won't let me sleep,
Won't let me eat.
I've became sick,
I face my reflection,
And I don't recognize the person in front of me.
Sick, thin,
A sack of bones.
Hollowed thighs,
Bloodshot eyes.

Like the most lovely stars,
Your eyes shined the same
I hope that you would....
You would just set your gaze upon,
The person,
Who adored you most.

Four black walls
I feel like I'm dying

Darling puppet boy,
His makeup all smeared.
The tears his eyes held back,
Continued to pour down,
No matter how much he held is head back.
Around his neck,
There was a chain.
"Where are you puppet boy,
Come,
Don't you like the pain?"

The sun rises over the horizon,
It's early morning.
I look over the clouds,
I feel my body missing.
Suddenly it falls down,
Into the black abbeys of nothingness.

It does seem inviting,
Warmth, comfort,
Never wanting to leave.
All alone,
Turned off phone,
Nobody can reach me.

I fell down too hard, with nobody to support me,
Or did I just choose not to grab those reached out hands in front of me?

I guess this was it,
The last drop,
My breaking line.
Not even looking at those hands,
Not even when they survive.
It's hard for them too,
Being down here.
But sadly this is my reality
I hope you enjoyed your stay.

Little do you know that your little gesture
Of putting the second earplug in
Even if I wasn't talking
Hurts me

I sat on the balcony of innocence,
Observed the Sun warming my delicate skin.
A glass of pure red wine sat in my right hand.
Everything seemed picture perfect.
But I was restless.
I was waiting for the Moon.
I was waiting for the sweet drug it handed me,
The intriguing feeling of flames dancing upon my body.
As for the sun wasn't enough.
I was waiting for the Moon,
On this summer afternoon.

Writers block creeps behind me,
I find myself not writing for weeks.
The disappointed sigh that I exhale whenever I sit by my laptop
Seems to be a whole routine by now.

The power is out again.
"Calmly exit the building"
Repeated the same old voice.
This has been happening often,
These days the power just shuts down.
The rocks, with which the kids broke the windows with
Were enough to trigger the outage.
As calmly as the electricity dissapeared, the fire started.
I proceed to walk out of the abandoned and scarred building,
Looking back at it, I wonder,
Why does the renovated place always end up being the first to burn?
We have tried rebuilding it countless times,
With and without help.
I shiver as I see a huge chunk fall off.
Looking around,
The streets are empty, nobody is here.
I'm the only one standing with the helpless building.
I guess I won't get any help in rebuilding it again.

My hands trembled as I gripped the remaining pieces of me.
It's not like I wanted this.
I didn't ask to be broken,
I didn't ask to be left behind.
My legs shook as I tried to stand my own ground.
Only to get pushed down.
Kicked and cut,
Touched
And left to die.
Tell me,
Am I *****?