She’s a leaf,
Dangling on the end of a branch,
Surrounded by so many others,
But she just doesn’t understand.

A butterfly spread its wings,
Their colours vivid as they fly,
Their wings flutter,
Fairy dust sprinkling way up high.

Purely coincidentally,
Some of their fairy dust fell,
On top of a lonely leaf,
But oh so pretty she felt.

Twinkling in the sunlight,
Her smile shined just as much,
Until the rain came,
And washed it all off.

She’s a leaf,
Dangling on the end of a branch,
Surrounded by so many others,
But she just doesn’t understand.

A fragrance of roses gifted by the Autumn wind blessed my senses.
Love that can only be felt on a Spring morning,
Came to me right there.
The skies brightened up,
Colors, shades from orange to purple painted the innocent sunrise.
My lilies sang to me, with love that touched the deepest part of my soul,
I plant for their garden, my love spreading through the cracks of my hands, into their soil.
I find myself longing for your warmth, the pure soothing of my being.
But as my memories fade, and my roses lull me to sleep,
A picture of you in my mind is the only thing i wish to keep.

These days i brush my teeth early,
I look at myself in the mirror,
But I can’t see clearly.

My eyes look bloodshot and black,
But I feel the best and worst i’ve felt.

I can’t sleep.

My childhood dreams are chasing me down with knives,
Trying to stab my back,
Screaming at me, saying i ruined their lives.

Their words turn into jumbles,
And I can’t understand them,
But they keep japping at me,
Wanting me to relive them.

I’m sorry I left you,
But I had to.
I needed a type of comfort you couldn’t provide,
So I had to decide,
To put my happiness over my pride.

-And then you raise your voice,
And i’m 6, hiding whenever I can.
Trying to block out the sound, covering my ears and yelling louder than you,
Except i’m not 6, i’m 19.

You try and befriend me,
Come closer to try and see me.
But i’m so little, hiding under the table,
By the terrace, holding my dad’s picture,
Wondering if the flat we’re in is too high for me to jump,
But in reality i’m not so little, I’m almost 20.

My nightmares wake me up,
And I run,
I scream,
I cry and weep,
And try to escape my fears.
But i’m not so fast as i used to be,
I’m almost 20.

The sound that covers my vision
Throws me back to the memories of my windowsill
The window I used to stare out of for hours at a time
Sitting by it, dangling my legs out
Wondering what would happen if I just jumped.

Roses coated the outside of the wall below the first story window I often found myself by.

The vision I dream twists and I find myself laying on the hardwood floor by my white windowsill.
It's nigh-time and the moonlight leaks into my room, shining a blinding light on to the door.
I stare at the ceiling and feel the vibrations of the music on the floor

The house is silent, I know I'm not alone
But in this moment, nobody can hear nor reach me.
I turn my head and look towards my windowsill, admiring the starry night I lay below.

I gently close my eyes and hum the lyrics of the song playing,
Just as I find myself doing right now.

I let myself drown in coffee,
My feelings trickle down my throat
Almost choking me.
Just like medicine,
I make a bitter face.
I claw at the sides of the cup,
Desperately trying to survive,
Until I realize,
I've already died.