i’m a rotting apple core that you cant put down
i know you’re hungry
i worse than loved you
poisonous seeds will sour your guts
blame me for the temptation
am i a ****, falling out of love, or somewhere in between?

i worse than loved you
i bled for you, i cried for myself
attended my own funeral and you didn’t buy me flowers

i like when someone else sleeps on your side of the bed
i feel less lonely that way

if i couldve travel throug time
would you believe it

im sorry that your entire life
revolves around why mine can not
kissed by strangers im the happiest ive ever been
maybe ill text nathan
or sam or arthur or anyone
i have so much love
its a chore to bring it back from age 16
when i was texas’ favorite wine drinker

im determined
to find all the love i left in that
ill cry the mascara off my face if it means
ill be yours for a night

i have nothing but sunny days
for you and i and our top teeth
im walking around this city with you
holding my own curious happiness in my fists and for once in my ******* life i dont have break it in half to share
if google could translate my heart beat to english, it would just be a transcript of alternating “***” and “*****”,
and i’d die if you knew that
however i will find my ways to give you my stiff and stubborn love
secretly make you an emergency contact, making you godmother to my cat
i’ll avenge the undeserved love from all your ****** exes in the afterlife when nothing matters

the truth is that even if i could do this without you, i would never want to

i said
i’m gonna put down the pen
replace the empty space with things that don’t leave marks

but god there’s so much permanence
in the smell of tobacco and gardenias
wicker patterned skin
coffee pots clanking against iron in a sunless noon

pill bottles rattling like music too distant to hear how sad it is
castles of baby shampoo bubbles and layers of egyptian cotton dismantled by a fan
syfy channel on but watching the curtains dance instead
small pink toes pressed into green carpet
kicking down the door again

it doesn’t just linger, it stains
like soft fingerprints on my mahogany heart

the pendulum swings
t-twice

belladonna berries by mouth
angel's orders

limbs stretched out
backwards embrace to
earth

pupils expand like
spilled anti-milk

last minutes
final comfort of
letting go

my heart beats now
for every cheek blushed
please
remember me
fearless
nightshade belly full
smashing the skull
to fine white dust

chest *****
knocking on breastbone
like gold on mohagony
once
twice

when the door opens
i will fall, in love

fall, in love

they say i seem different
i tell em it's got nothing to do with anything but the brand new secrets i've been keepin
all to myself

somethin rancid right under the skin
you'd never guess what the sweat coming outta my pores really contains
at last, i'm the true
madwoman

i'm the porcelain doll you have to turn around before you go to sleep
hungry eyes made of glass
a mouth ya gotta break to open up

a still heart in the shape of a girl
watching and
waiting

when i think of holiness, i imagine
my mother layin in bed at night
sayin a prayer like,
"jesus, why did this happen to me"
a prayer like,
"jesus, i know i wasn't a perfect mom but at least i was off the liquor"
a prayer like,
"jesus, if i love my daughters unconditionally, will you make this all go away?"

i've got a face a mother could only love
if that's what she thinks god wants her to do