Eve C6SS6NDR6

Can I take my playlist with me when I die please?

I Live like there’s no tomorrow
Be who I want to be
And be happy about it

That’s what I try to tell myself

My latest name is Eve C6SS6NDR6
Eve is more relaxed than Shadow, the previous.

She can stay up late.
And listen to her playlist forever.

But there’s an energy of love so pure that she can only feel in dreams.
Sleeping peacefully.

It’s hard to get there.
But she remembers it well.

The songs of the playlist are still playing.
When she wakes up she hears them in her head.

Up like there’s no tomorrow.
Wanting to die but not now.
And be happy about it.

Can I take my playlist with me when I die please?

Can I call the forest from my room?
Sing the energy off my spirit?
The forest is so far away but when I close my eyes I’m there.
I can lie in a bath of roses and light some purple and black candles.
Dive my head into the water.
Freeing myself for a moment like I’m all alone in the dark.

Not the same as being alone in the forest.
Not the same as being the exact final form I’m longing for.
Feeling the way I can only get a glimpse of through that music.
My beloved songs and dear energies that I was able to receive from people that I love.
I feel like that’s where I belong, where I can feel these feelings.
Intensely purely, growing from the balance that comes from life.
My life on earth.

And now new life on earth is growing.
I’m growing as a being.
Still taking in each development.
Trying to be patient.
To understand why so much has been hurting all in one life that still has to be.
Still has to move on.
Still has to grow.
Still finds new forms.
When can I set it free and be my purest version?
I’m longing for that day.

🖤🌹🥚🌹🥚🌹🖤

Maybe the clock will be turned back on when it stops.
So I will crush it this time when it does.

Maybe the heart will live longer than the body.
So I’ll bury it with me forever.

My energy will be free.
It has to.

A life of everything.
Balanced for freedom.
Seen all possibilities, felt all the bad, gone through the motions.
I’m no longer bound.

So this time the clock will be crushed.
When it stops.

Nobody will be rushed back into a life on earth.
See what you will find this time.

A heart full of freedom and a garden of fruit.
Flowers and water, colors and moons.

Forever.
Like love in a dream with an Easter egg.
Filled with cream.
So tasty and you can eat all you want and smile.

Smile to the love of your life after life.

Looking at your younger self from a viewer’s perspective.
You’re not in the middle of it.
You see everything.
You know everything that was going on.
And it’s good you couldn’t see everything like that back then.
You still couldn’t deal with it but at least you didn’t see everything as the big picture that you see today.

Such darkness, so little of what you deserve. The pain keeps on running like cold waterfalls of mud. There’s no comfort. I don’t give you the love that you should be given. I am a dark stream. And you try to swim but we’re going down under over and over. And I can’t breathe. But I love being under if the water’s not so cold. And you make it warmer. But I can’t make the waterfalls calm down at all. I try every day and night. The ******* fish are swimming and so are the gold fish that we’re both killing. Every night I see them coming. And dying. I see their bones lying in the field. In the dark. I don’t know what this all means. I don’t know why we’re doing this. There’s no end to this fight until I’m burned up and dry. Like a red rose in the night sky forever. Your lady of the waters, the dark waters and the blue dress floating. I’m forever a red rose bending if I’m not like a lady of the dark waters in a blue dress. And a red rose in the night.

All you can do is try with what you’ve got.
Sorrow can be all you know.
A part of you, a part of your life, a life that has exhausted your all.
Freedom can still happen.
But not real happiness generally.
Just a moment where you feel good in a song or with someone.

Confusing cause: “hay, everything is supposed to **** in here”!
But darkness has beauty and light is too bright.
You found a way towards “good darkness”.
And now that you’ve actually found a good person without just darkness…
Can you handle it?
It doesn’t really fit with anything of your being.
Yet it’s so comfortable, yet it’s so real.

And you are allowed to be your own darkness and they will be them in their warmth and their flames that don’t burn.
Just warm and just peaceful.

But the darkness is there to stay there till the end.
So…how many moments of feeling good till it’s  done, till the lights go out and the flames burn up?
Till you’re able to end an everlasting night of misery, missing something, missing comfort.
In yourself cause you haven’t found it anywhere.
Until now.

Things are coming together, always.
But you have to have a lot of patience.
In this world nothing happens on its own.
Nothing happens without effort.
Especially when your mind suffers.
Compassion for yourself and others can be a key to reach your true potential.
And your goal.
But it’s hard to know exactly where it all will lead to.
One goal after another.