When I fall in love, I don't twirl my hair,
No coy smiles, not even a playful stare.
Instead, at 3 a.m., I'm pacing the floor,
Like a detective chasing ghosts once more.
Hands clasped tight some where behind my spine,
Broken glass, missing jewels, spilled red wine
One cigarette-holding fingertip
Tracing memories of a sunken ship
In the kitchen light, shadows stretch and sway,
I'm held in my thoughts I can't chase away.
No kicking feet mid-air, no hearts shaped bloom,
Just circling my mind in the quiet gloom.

A cold case of a love I can't quite name,
All the evidence whispers just the same.
There's a mastermind behind this feeling
My heart's swollen and my brain is seething
So I pace in circles, night after night,
Wrestling with these feelings I can't set right.
A detective lost in an unsolved crime,
I can't let them get away with this time
This time it's personal, I'll get those crooks
My heart's on the line, keep it off the books
Shakespeare said all the lovers burn in hell
Once this case is done, I'll visit as well.

I was a footnote in her book
She was the title of mine
I wish she had stayed a while more
Maybe given me a sign
She is all my eyes let me see
Doesn't matter open or closed
I wanna write her more letters
With the sunflowers enclosed
But she asked me to go away
Asked me to break my own heart
Her words were my gospel
So I use my skin for art

I'm not a whole person
Parts of me died in my first home
Parts of me were shunned by my parents
Parts of me got burnt in the rage
Parts of me were torn in shame
Parts of me I lost along the way
Parts of me are all I have left
Parts of me are just a part of me

I was the quiet one, lingering.
I was the shadow in the doorway, the unnoticed listener, drinking the music of laughter, living life through a keyhole.
I was the poet, stringing words I could never say. So many words and not a single truth.
I was a heart who breathed in beauty and exhaled longing, content to let the words linger unformed. Somewhere in me, there were screams, but the world asked for smiles, so I hid my eyes and grinned like a child they wanted.
I was the devil, with wings clipped by my father, tossed down to the lowlifes. Destined to reign, but never rise.
I was never a friend, never just a child, never the boy who lived, always just a problem, something to be fixed, to be changed,... to be broken.
I was the one who stood at the edge of the ocean, begging to be taken away, forever seeking, forever yearning.
I was—I am—a fragment of everything I have loved, everything I have lost, everything that has brushed against my soul, leaving behind scars and smiles, like echoes in an endless canyon.
And someday, I will be lost, from life. Lost from people. Lost from memory.
Perhaps then, I’ll be able to be me.

I heard the toaster go off
I heard the first toast hit the shelf
Then I heard the second one
I don't care anymore
It's silent now
Just me
My tears
And my years
Wasted beyond excuse
**** those pieces of bread
God's relentless disappointment
Another Tuesday.

September has ended. The rains have flowed. The leaves have fallen and now, the winds come. The bitterness builds and the weak wither. The devils get vicious and the hunger drives them wild. The softness of the mist is replaced by the sharpness of the cold. So go to your caves, hide your stocks and cover your young, for the grass is gone and the without the rains, the air smells of blood.

Vultures
Creatures of a forsaken god,
Rightfully outlawed.
Tending to the dead and lying,
No matter how flawed,
Whispering fate to the cold flesh.
Warm damnation or icy abyss,
To the old heralds of death,
Flesh on bones is all that exists.

Skilled
Not a drop of blood, yet they know,
How do they know?
Hades whispers: it’s time to go.
Where do I go?
That sparkle pen I stole at ten
Regrets of men
The childhood sadness i cherished
Forest that perished
Desserts I still wish to savor,
my first lover...
The apologies yet to do—
Are they coming too?

Or is it all gone as well?
I remember I had things in me
Things that were... beautiful
Things I saved for them to see.


Patient,
Stirring the sky before I fall,
The zenith of noon to nightfall.
Heads dipped in eerie stillness,
No chirping choirs, voiceless.
Just the slow bites of dry skin,
Taking all that was ever mine
Picking away at my carcass
As if silenced in mourning.

Hungry,
A dark cloud that feasts on weak flesh,  
Ripping apart all I am,  
My old face, my adolescence
My name, torn from my essence
In the twilight, their shadows grow,  
A macabre ballet in the fading glow.  
They strip me of my mortal guise,  
Leaving only echoes beneath the skies.  

Precise,
Each bite erases a piece of my story,
Remnants of some former glory
Just bones and an artifact
After this final act,
I find my cease,
peace.

These are words that don’t belong;
not to you, to me, or to the powers that be.
Surviving in the silence,
The softest muffles, only heard under the sea.
Wandering in ink and throats;
Not for long, just a little over forever.
Stuck in heads, begging the lips,
All of childhood’s what-ifs, living together.
Lost in the currents of dreams,
Tangled up in the seaweed of what could have been.
Resting within silent breaths
Stories unsaid, locked away in the in-between.
You are all the deaths you ever lived and the one you didn’t.
You are all your thoughts and dreams, and I beg them for a visit.
Where are your words kept? Pray tell.
Under a corner, perchance, may I join them there?
Another scratch on the wall,
Another lost thought, just... there, making haste nowhere.
In the awkward pause with friends,
When the laughter fades, and those brown eyes steal my voice,
My eyes float away in words,
Words I can’t dare share, my truth is rarely my choice.
I can see their shadows dance.
Under the city lights, when the fall angels cry
I’ll hand-deliver these words,
Wrapped in shaken breaths and under a heavy sigh.
Where all the dreams are kept, beyond your right and my wrong,
In that lagoon of depth and hopes, these words don’t belong.