They reverberate around my skull
Insults and cruel comments
From people I loved
People I deeply trusted
Words that carve deep into my bones
Phrases I can never unhear

They echo through me
And they won't shut up
Comments on my teeth
Keep me from smiling without laughing first
Whispers about my personality
Make me wish I could learn to shut my own mouth

I've been told it all
That I'm loud, annoying
That I'm doing too much
That I don't care enough
A freak
Too kind
Selfish

Why should those petty words
Still affect me?
Why do they?
Why can't I move on?
I know they were said
By people that didn't know me
Not well enough to matter
They were said in bitterness
To spite me
Hurt me
But it worked
Leaving scars on my skin and mind

But how do I move on?
How do I let go?
I feel I've tried so hard
To move past it
Ignore it
Act confident
Happy
But it turns and twists
Like a knife stuck deep into my ribs
And I cannot grasp the handle to pull it out

I've forgiven them
The people who hurt me
But it doesn't help
Doesn't mend me
Nothing does

No matter how many kind words
I am told
I still find that I want
Nothing more than to disappear
To vanish and lose the echoes forever

I had all but forgotten
What it felt like to laugh this hard
To feel the ache in my ribs
The swoop in my chest
Seeing my screen light up with your name
I had forgotten
How warm another person's hand was
How I ached for the touch of another
For the comfort of not being alone

I had convinced myself I hated it
But perhaps what I hated
Was the one who touched me
Not the act itself
How can I untangle myself
From a web of lies I wove
For my own protection?

How could I have forgotten?
The rush of electricity
When you say something so kind
When you understand my mind
In a way few ever have

What else have I forgotten?
What else have I convinced myself I hate?
Just to protect myself
From feeling so lonely?

It's a virtue,
I've been told
To wait
Ever patiently
Like a doll on a shelf
No matter how long
Or how hopeless
You must wait

Yet wait for what?
For whom?
When you are dying
Surrounded by flames and debris
How can you be told to be patient?
When no one seems to be coming
How is that not cruel?

How could anyone be patient
Praying for relief
For rescue
When it feels so much of the world
Has turned a blind eye

So we all must cry out
As one loud voice
And pray to be heard by someone
By anyone

There is a disconnect
Between my mind and my mouth
My thoughts get lost
And come out in fractured sentiments
Never painting a clear picture
Of how I feel or think
I can portray only the most basic of thoughts

That I love those dear to me
That I enjoy an array of things
But never why
An explanation is something
That I am incapable of

I cannot explain why something
Like a song or media
Makes me feel so deeply
I cannot defend the things I care about
Because I cannot find the words verbally

I am doomed to only articulate my thoughts
Through writings few will ever see
How hopeless I feel
And how desperately I wish
That I could communicate like others