I'd rather be angry
Angry with you
For making me feel so loved
Yet treating me like your therapist

I want to hate you
I wish I could so badly
That would be easier
But you can't be angry with a void
Someone who soaks up all the effort you put in
Just to not give back
Taking all you have to give

Angry is so much easier to handle
I understand angry
Just like how I now see
What you were doing to me
You had your metaphorical hands
Wrapped so tightly around me
That I couldn't breathe

I was not there for you to treat like this
But even when I told you it was over
You acted so ******* gentle
Sprinkling in your guilt ridden words
But I can see them now

It's amazing
How much more prominent
Red is, without rose colored lenses
So yes
Being angry would be easier
But I never did things easy
So leaving you almost broke me

But I'd rather feel like I'm dying
Than drown in you

It was a loosing fight
You can't win against the forces of nature
They don't reason with you
Or listen when you say please
My fragile body was dashed against
Sharp, ragged, rocks
Rocks that cut me open
And washed my heart away

It was only a matter of time
Before I drowned
How far was I supposed to swim
With years of pain tying me down?

Hey.
Are you there?

I just wanted to talk,
I've started feeling it again.
The feeling like I'm plastic,
Like I'm about to be melted down,
And remade into something new again.

I'd like to do that,
I'm that plastic bottle
The one you refil over and over again
Even though it's all crinkled.
And then you finally
Throw it in the recycle bin.

I'm just waiting in anticipation
To be remade
Into something New Again.

Remind me how to smile
Then break my heart
Maybe I'll feel alive after that

I'd like to take myself apart
With children's safety scissors
Cut my body into strips for a collage
And paste it back together
With a cheap glue stick
In whatever shapes I want
I want to push the scraps into the trash

Or maybe I'll take parts of me off
with a seam ripper
and add new ones
Like a patchwork toy
Maybe then I would see myself
As fixed
Because I'm sick of hating what I see
But I dont want to be
What other people call perfect
I just don't want to be me anymore

I'm not stupid
I know what being alive is
But
It's infuriating
I can walk and talk
I breathe and I eat
I think and I make choices
But I've stopped feeling
Nothing has brought it back to me
I dont feel trapped in my own mind
I feel like part of me was stolen
I have an empty void in my chest
I would argue that I'm dead
I am Dead but walking

I keep getting asked why
Why have I stopped feeling?
What brought this on?
And I want to answer
But how do I answer that?
How do I explain
That my soul and my mind
Are so much older than my body?

People say I'm a glass half empty type
But I'm really not
Because I have no glass anymore
So there's nothing to be empty
Does that make sense?
I imagine not
I just take what feeling I have left
And I pour it out here
So I can try to bring the rest of me back

You say you love her
But do things I know she would hate you for

You are everything I hate in men
You disgust me