There are moments that we wish could last forever
My little brother and I
When certain songs come on
We swing dance
It’s clumsy
And poorly done
But it makes him laugh

When I call my mom
Or when she calls me
The calls never last long enough
Because I have so much I want to say
I say silly things
Just to hear her laugh
Because she’s so far from me
And I miss her so much

My older brother
He used to play games with me
When we were little
Legos
Bionicles
Every toy we had
We’d play all the time
We used to be thick as thieves
Shared all our secrets
We were best friends

Someday I won’t be able to do that anymore
My little brother will be too old
To swing dance to silly songs
While I spin him and dip him
Because he’s too little to try that with me
My mom won’t be around forever
And it shatters my heart
Because one day I’ll want to call her
Just to hear her laugh
Or to make fun of how short she is
Because I want her to cheer me up
And I’ll need her advice
But she won’t answer
And I’m terrified of that day

But the moments with my older brother
They have come and gone
For they were the fleeting moments
Of a childhood short lived
I grew up and so did he
We didn’t talk as much
And it hurt
I used to sit in my room and cry
Wishing we had the bug farm
Or the legos
Just wishing
Praying to a god I never thought was listening
For that closeness with my brother

Moments are fleeting
Enjoy them while you have them
Because once they are gone
You cannot have them back

There’s this story
If you fold one thousand
Paper cranes
You can make a wish
And I wonder
If I fold a thousand paper cranes
What would I wish for?

World peace?
Unlimited money?
Happiness?
Everlasting and eternal?
No,
I’d wish to read minds
Or to fly
Or to know everything there is to know

See I can say that all I like
Others might believe it
But I know it’s not true
I’d wish for my friends to be happy
To want for nothing
To never feel the sting
Of being alone
Or excluded

But I don’t think
I could ever fold a thousand
Paper Cranes

I have a glass heart
I used to protect it in a steel box
Far removed from the hammer of cruel words
And sorrowful news

But eventually I threw away my box
And now I wear my glass heart
On my chest
Where everyone can see it
I carry glue with me to fix it
Wherever I go
Because people are cruel
And sadness weighs heavy in the air
But I don’t mind anymore

I want to help people
And when others see the cracked
And fixed glass heart
I wear like a proud medal
They feel just a little better about their own
Some say I have a giant heart of gold
But gold melts easily
And bends and crushes under pressure
But my heart is a solid glass
It cracks under pressure but I fix it
Then it’s a little stronger

But with a glass heart it breaks
God it breaks so easily
Rejection shatters it
Fear breaks it in two
But heartache is the worst of it
My heart breaks in a thousand pieces
But I never give in
I kneel
And I take my time to pick up the pieces
And put myself back together
Time after time again
And still I don’t mind
Having a glass heart

It's really something else
Under those lights
Laughing over silly things
That only you and I will share

Maybe we'll see each other
A few years from now
We might call each other those silly nicknames
And talk about the memories

We'll talk about those hours
Tormenting ourselves
To memorize those lines
To move just right
To have the perfect reactions

We might talk about the others
Their jokes
The little mishaps they had
Wonder where they are
Maybe he'll be on Broadway
Maybe she'll be a doctor
Maybe they'll all get their dreams

You and I will share a laugh
We'll walk away
And I'll hold my heart
As I remember the short moments
Just between you and I in the dark
I doubt you will recall
But I can't seem to forget them

But god it's something else
That high
From the adrenaline
I don't think I'll ever be as okay
As I am
When I say my lines
From under
Those Lights

I take pride
In seeing the world
In vibrant
Wonderful colors

But that is not always it
Actually,
I see the worlds in shades of grey
Dull
Boring
Bleak
I hate it

I used to try and force the colors
To see the world through happy glasses
I had gotten so used
to wearing

I smile and laugh
When my friends are around
But once I'm alone
the world is cold and grey
and I suddenly
Can't find the energy to smile

I count down the seconds
Until I can see
My friends again
Because then
The color returns
And I can play happy
For mere moments

I hate myself
For a thousand reasons
My hair is boring
My teeth aren’t perfect
My body doesn’t look like hers
I struggle to think
Of reasons why I, of all people,
Deserve to keep breathing

So I give gifts
I make people laugh
I act weird
I do plenty of odd things
I tell people every good thing
I ever see about them
I make my friends smile
And in those short moments
I like myself
Just a little more than I did before

Then I hear it
God it happens every time
“God she’s so weird”
“Why does she always act like that?”
“She’s annoying”
It breaks my heart
Because I try so **** hard
But I mask my pain
With stupid jokes
Or by being angry
But it still doesn’t change
That your words cut me

But then
Then I’m right back to where I was
I still hate myself
For a thousand reasons
And I just added you to my list

I acted a lot older than I was for years
And I chose it
For my brothers
My mom
My dad
Myself
It’d be a lie to say that it had no role
In shaping who I became

But at sweet age of eight
I grew into my self-inflicted role
Of course eventually
My childhood caught up to me
And for a few years I refused to play “Responsibilities”
I was carefree and did whatever I wanted
But years of playing grown-up
They took their toll
By high school
People told me
I was an Ice Queen

I was distant and cold
I refused to share my burdens with others
And I carried the weight on both my shoulders
Some called me
Brave
Strong
Other called me
Cold
Ice Queen

For years I said I didn’t care
That they didn’t bother me
I was a **** good liar
Their words cut me open like sharp knives