When i look at you i still envision the rest of my life.
& nothing has changed because of the pain i feel at night.
i won’t say mean things, i won’t leave, i don’t ever want to cause you pain.
I’m so scared if i ever hurt you in any way, you’ll never look at me the same.
i want to spend all my time with you when my weeks end, I’ll drive 4 hours back and forth any weekend, this is a test that will make us stronger, we will prevail and relinquish the weak ends.
When i look at the spaces in my hand i know your fingers belong there.
Anything said bad about you, to me, is a voice aimed toward the wrong ears.
i pray the Lord blesses us with many long years.
Scrolling through Chris brown’s album and you come to mind during all the songs here.
i won’t give up on you, if you don’t give up on me cause I️m hurting, Images in my head make me cry sometimes, & i feel so insecure now.
i feel alone, i can’t talk to my friends about I­t­ so my heart feels so unsure right now.
i don’t want them to judge you, i don’t want them to choose not to love you some day.
i love your friends like my own because they’re the ones that keep you happy when im away.
i guess In the end all that matters is i want Ali, i want to be with you.
My father always told me a great quote, “the only way out, is the way through.”

Either way, I’m happy I­t­ became us, “them”, we.
You are without a doubt one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Pain and happiness comes in waves.
Waves go up and down & that’s been the last few days.
Months, years.,
i prayed to be here, but my people aren’t with me.
& success doesn’t fill the holes left by the ones that I’m missing.
Then i find out the devil has sent cancer to take another.
3 Days after realizing i night truly love her, my friend, my brother came and said “I’ve got something to tell you.”
Back against the wall it’s either get over I­t­ and get through or add another someone else ill miss to.
i don’t want to lose anyone but I’m losing.
So much pain over the years I’m no longer bruising.
i stay calm in the face of news that devastates me.
when i think of how i would’ve reacted to things I’ve faced lately it’s like the Devil’s already ate me.
I­t­ can’t be that I’m stronger, cause rivers have turned to oceans, at night i cry longer.
Problems money can’t fix, happiness you can’t buy I­t­.
This was supposed to be a happy poem, but I’m bleeding and i can’t hide I­t­.
I’ll probably let her read this still.
i don’t want her to feel guilt, i just need to her to know how i feel.
Cause In the last week my foundation has been shook.
If i start to drown, someone has to know where to look.

The first time I saw you I knew my angel was borrowed.
Could you come back tomorrow?
I'm strong, but when my light's off and I'm sleepy.
These songs, your pictures continue to eat me.
Your voice drowns out the thunder.
My childhood was hell yet you make me wish I was younger.  
Weekends I lay & think.
You go out and drink.
Am I the one on your mind when you can't control it?
You lose things when you're drunk, give me your heart, let me hold it.
You are everything I pray for.
I re-read your texts until it feels like you say more.
Since April I adored you.
I fell knowing you couldn't afford to.
I don't hear from you but I hear you.
I close my eyes and dream I'm near you.
I'm standing in the rear view.
Not knowing what happens in year two.
The future will always be a mystery.
In the end I just hope I'm Mr. He

They lied when they said Love would cost us nothing.
To be specific, it cost me about thirteen hundred.
My heart is broken and this pain really hurt me don't it?
When love is chasing you just keep on running.
Love is a curse, I'm just being honest.
There's only one cure to a broken heart and I'm smoking on it.  
I get hurt and then convince myself I didn't want it.
Therapeutic shopping, Balmains cost me fifteen hundred.
They lied when they said Love was priceless.
Drugs, clothes, liquor, we spend money pretending we don't miss the people we miss.
I guess if it's forever, it's free.
But if it ends, be prepared to pay the fee.

conceit vs loneliness is the real fight
I can't fix it, all I can do is tell you what it feels like..
pretty girls in the friends zone,
But no one believes we're friends though.
Labeled for my company, when I'm involved with none.
They speculate, when there was truly only one.
& then I lost the only girl in my life.
By following my best friend's advice.
I don't know why, he's just as scared of committed as me at the end of the night.
But I ask him to guide me every time as if he's seen the light.
And then I convince myself a bad idea is a good one because I've heard it twice.
I appear to have em all, when I have none.
When in fact I'm so conceited, I can't just lay with anyone.

Can you hear me right now?
My heart is racing but there's surely no sound.
I'm always here but I'm never around.
I'm finally on my feet & you're knocking me down.
Lord not right now, not right now.
Can you trust me right now?
I've Queened you but I forgot your crown.
You're an ocean, I don't want to drown.
My standards are high, you're above the crowd.
Your pictures are screaming, why are you so loud?
Jumping while looking down.
Tried to slide in safe but you're calling me out.
Apology letters from the ones that miss me right now.
Smiles behind frowns, night doubts.

I try my best not to let things bother me.
But unavoidable irritation is those women anyone could have if they struck a lottery.
State, Scratch off, or Draft day, doesn't matter.
Materialistic & status driven women whom the true values in life don't seem to flatter.
You can stay down but she  needs a come up.
& if you ever drown she won't be there when you come up.
There's so many problems there and I'm here to provide the sum.
The minute your dollars multiply, divide from her & add in a woman that values you or you'll be left looking dumb.
Life is full of open and closed doors,
Sometimes you have wait longer for the lord to open yours.
Marriage is about ups and downs & how could that ever work with a woman who won't ride to the lowest floor?