You think I’m ok
That is what you see
It’s not as simple as you think
There are things you don't see
It’s all in my head
Mentally I’m not ok
It doesn’t always stay that way
There are demons up there
I’m not good enough they say
They tell me I’m not gonna make it
They are easy to believe
It’s hard to understand
It’s hard to comprehend
It’s not a simple fix
Not a one handed trick
It’s a continuous process
A journey worth while
I can get better
I will get better
I’m determined to get there
I’ll be able to change
I can’t do it without others
I wouldn’t be the same
One day I will see the change in me
One day I’ll find the person I want to be

I have scars
They’re all over my body
Some say they tell a story
Mine tell nightmares
Those scars kept me alive
Kept me breathing when I thought I couldn’t
Those scars are reminders of the dark
But they also show me how far I’ve come
No longer the person I used to be
I don’t yearn for those scars
I beat the old me
She is gone
I’m alive and breathing
I’m finally free

Depression is a tree
It starts slowly
It’s fragile
Not there all the way
It starts to grow
It withers some days
Others it grows faster
It gets stronger
The roots grow deeper
It takes hold of you
Your power starts to lessen
You can’t control the tree’s growth
It gets bigger each day
Suddenly there’s so much shade
The shade scares you
The shade becomes complete darkness
There is no going back
There’s not much you can do to control the growth
It seems all hope is lost
You have to prune the tree
You have to get access
The pruning helps
It gets rid of the growth
But only for a bit
The growth comes back
It’s hard to control
It gets bigger this time
Now we have to cut down the tree
It’s hard to decide
The tree is so pretty
It’s life is so valuable
It brings so much beauty
Will you cut down your tree
What will you do
Please don’t cut down your tree
It gets better they say
The tree will become smaller as its life begins to age
Only you can make the decision
Make the right one before it’s too late

I’m not afraid like I used to be
Not scared of my thoughts
They no longer take hold of me
I am free of the chains that shackled me
The thoughts simply pass
I give them no thought
They have no power over me
Never thought it’d be like this
My mind is quiet
No longer full of screams
I am free

Sometimes I wonder why I’m okay
Why the sadness didn’t stay
The sadness used to last forever
Now it mostly stays away
I had to learn to push it away
Learning something new every day
The feelings I once held so tight
Almost vanished from plain sight
Today I accept those big emotions
Accept and push away
So for now I’m happy I’m ok

There’s a raging war
Not quite an average war
The war against myself
There are tears
There are words
There are thoughts
They are not simple
It seems like a dilemma
I don’t think I’ll win she says
She says it’s not worth the pain
There’s a small voice in the back
A voice that trusts and believes
She says you’ve got this
It gets better they say
It gets easier along the way
With the right skills it may work
I may win the war
The words get quieter
The tears lighter
If only I knew what I could do

There was a time where all hope was lost
A time of nothingness and no light
It was a time no one wanted to see
IT seemed impossible to fix
No magic or tricks
The brain is easily deceived
It tells us we’re not good
It can be good though
There was a turn around
The light flickered
It got brighter
It started slow and began to grow
The light glowed brighter
The smile grew brighter
The brain wasn’t tricked
It started working
The work she’d put in
It started to shine
A once impossible force began to stop
It started to grow
The expressions and talks were bigger
The pain grew smaller
It faded away
She knew how to manage
She knew how to stop it
It wasn’t always perfect
There was a way
She knew she was capable
She knew she could
It wasn’t impossible
The change had happened

The train keeps moving

Won’t stop if you’re late

The conductor won’t apologize

Say sorry for missing you

The passengers won’t help you

You seem to be on your own

You try your best not to be late

Some days you just can’t help it

There’s too much on your plate

The plate keeps filling, almost toppling over

You’ve missed your train again

The train keeps moving

-OliviA