Freedom is what I gained
After months in therapy
Days filled with tears
Days filled with fear
Broken is what she said
Impossible
Unfixable
No belief
Think
Reframe
Rearrange
There is no magic fix
No cure
Not 100 percent
Hard work
Resilience
Much effort it takes
Get what you put in
Up to you they say
It really is possible
Keep up the work
Keep it all in your head
Don’t forget the work you did
Because it saved me
And it may save another too

Blue is the feeling I get
After a long a day of thinking
I feel yellow playing with my plants
Inspecting them for miniscule detail
Show me something new I say
Red is that feeling when everything is on fire
My head or the planet raging
Something scary or displeasing
Wars I can’t win
Things I can’t fix
The green feeling of worry
When will it go away
Who will really stay
What will go right for me
Oh the colors I feel
A variety of thoughts
Some days more than others
I don’t know who I’d be without the feelings I feel

Cruel and dark
Sunny and bright
A miracle
Unpredictable or chaotic
Joyful and delicate
Life is a strange thing
One day it’s great
The next so dark
Neutral or average
You never really know
It’s unpredictable as they say
How do we deal
How do we celebrate
Only up to you
You make the choice
Harder than you think
What can I say
Life is a strange thing

The waves crash

Just like any other day

Some harder than others

Some so small you can't see

Maybe you can see but not feel

Measurements of how high they go

Not so predictable

Some with patterns

Others so random you don’t know what to expect

Waves may be high but you must know

It all depends

Be prepared for both

Hope for what kind you want

I see both waves in sight

I find peace with the waves

The fascination of patterns

Though the waves may be high, you must not fret

It’s part of the cycle

Part of the wave

One year ago I still thought it was over

There was no end

What is better

What is hope I said

There is on point

Why try at all

You could not convince me

I shut them out

I wished for an end

I tried with all I had

That was all I could do

That trying saved me

The Hope was real and still is today

From twice a week to weekly to biweekly therapy

I saved me

Made myself whole

The skills I said were useless, weren’t useless at all

I thrive not survive

I believe in the light

I share the light because today I believe

That Hope is real

I don’t believe it, she cried

It can’t be true

Words seemed meaningless

All false hope to keep me from breaking

Better than before is not achievable

Why believe it I shouted

I say quite the opposite now

How is this real

How did I get here

I really saved me

I was never broken, simply lost

Now growing older

Achieving the impossible

I don’t know if this is real, but I like this new life

We both never imagined this journey of healing

This healing is believable

Not fake at all

I do believe

And I did it all

Regret and guilt

Secrets to hide

Secrets to share

So heavy and overwhelming

Mistakes

Wondering whys

Searching for satisfaction

Seeking answers

Was it worth it you question

Some stupid mistake

Maybe even dangerous

Did you really know

Why’d you do it

Some questions unanswered

Those are the worst

It will all be okay

The past is gone

Moving forward to a new day

Mistake or decision, it already happened

Now out of control

The dwelling is done

You must move on

You may never know the answer

That is okay

There is no failure

Grow and learn

Not your fault

You didn’t know

Answer or not

Moving on, it works