When you feel it
When you touch it
When you love it
When you like it
When you say it
When you cry it
When you lay with it
When you hold it
It will speak louder then anything and you will know that is where you  wanna be
If I know it
If I see it
If I speak it
You **** well know  I can feel it
Everything I say and feel comes true
So this cant be wrong ?
Then why do I feel so sad?

Lost soul was walking around through the darkness passing person by person to have her light touched she needed to live other day but all she could find was lonely girl who felt nothing at all but longing for her light so she could be free from her pain
Maybe one day she will find her light but until then her soul will play with her demons.

Lance Peter Murray wrote this poem for me he passed away last year oct 9 will be one year since hes been gone
September 5, 2017 ·
every day that passes...
every second...
every minute...
every moment...
no matter how green the grass is...
or how much snow passes...

You are alive when I am awake...
I can't remember the last night that you were not in my dreams....
You are everything to me.

Thank you for your love...
mine for you is everlasting

As I sit in the fields of flowers n grass
I pick the smalls one
I look at it
I keep it
I let it go
Where ends up no one will ever know
Could grow again you never know
It could lay there wishing someone would hold it tight and never let it go
That poor little flower will never know
I feel bad I let it go
I go and find it
I pick it up
And hold it tight
Telling it I will never let ya go

Just like snow I can be cold
Just like the sun I can be hot
Just like the rain I can b tears
Just like the moon I can be dark
Just like the stars I can be bright
Just like the wolf's I protect
Just like the nature I can be loving
Just like days I can stall time
Just like a book I can read you
Just like the people I dont wanna be bother
Just like the children i can be happy
Just like the dead I can be sad
Just like Angel's I can smile
Just like the devil i can cry

The weather is hot
Fan is blowing
The sun shines bright
The night is dark
The love is in the air
The flowers are growing
The birds are signing
The air is fresh
The marshollw are roasting
The wind is blowing
The chairs are full
The trist for a drink becomes one on everyone list
The time flys when having fun
The summer is short
Enjoy before the cold kicks in
Oh no it's fall again

when you voice won't say it
when you eyes won't show it
when your lips won't say it
when your heart won't know it
when your mouth won't touch it  
when you walk on by
when your hand won't in brace it
when you cried wont help
that when you know it's all silences .

stop stop stop stop
why why why why
cause cause cause cause
listen listen listen listen
talk talk talk talk
walk walk walk walk
stop stop stop stop
listen listen listen listen
time time time time
to to to to
play play play play
not so not so not so not so
nice nice nice nice
jump jump jump jump

brown eyes  the look you love
Fair skin  tan colour
Long hair  beautiful
Crazy  attitude
Loveable that what i do
Body basic on you
Mouth what i say
lips  you wanna kiss

pink makes me feel pretty
Pink makes me look good
Pink doesn't judge
Pink is everything you need
Pink My favorite colour

thoughts in my head are telling me so many things
i don't want to listen  to them no more but they seem to always find their way back home .
I try to run from them but no use they know where i'll be
I try to walk away from them but yet again they know will ill be
i sit and think think think
why do i feel like this
being crazy is hard i feel like crying
i want to feel happy again but all i feel is sadness and loneliness
i think of cutting its my only way out
but that little voice in my head said no no no no no no
so back to my  thoughts against
now time for sleep
maybe i'll be better the next day

I'm happy.
I'm sad
I'm glad
I'm mad
Im confused
I'm laughing
I'm lost
I'm found
I'm loved
I'm hated
I'm pain
I'm scars
I'm abuse
I'm beaten
I walk
I sit
I lay
I stand
I cry
I dont
I sleep
I dont
I feel like I have no one
But yet I  do .

i'm more then my hair
im more than my skin
im more than these lips
im more then these eyes
im more then these hips
i'm more than this body
i'm more than this talk
im more than you know if you could the time to see

Hurt
As I lay here
I wonder why
I wonder how
I wonder how long
I wonder how much more
I wonder nothing
I feel it
I see  it
I dont want it
But it always follows me like a stalker on full moonlight night
Time doesn't let it heal
Times doesnt know how just let's it stay
Crying seems to help but what are you  crying for
Love?

my sweet baby boy
not so small no more
my handsome man
my only boy
my first love of god
my everything
i now your smart
i know your great
i know your happy i couldn't ask for more
when i feeling blue your face is what i see
when  i want to cry i do for you
my baby boy
my handsome man
my only boy

Why so sad what made you that way I want  you to  be happy again but you must first come here and let me hold your hand and let me tell you all the wonderful things that are around you

You know my name
But not my story
You know my heart
But not my pain
You know my strength
But not my scars
You know my body
But not my love
You know what I say
But not how I feel
You know my tears
But not my fears
You know my life
But not my fights
You know my angels
But not demons

I'll always remember the good times we had together the things we did and said.
I thank you for loving me
I thank you for caring for me
I thank you for being there for me
I know in death you will do the same
This isn't a good bye its a I'll see you again when its time
I love you and  no one will ever take your place.
I love you I miss you .

inside my head i feel
happy
sad
glad
mad
bad
empty
hurt
tears
pain
lost
gone
scared
fear
fight
time
hope
love
life
death
sleep
awake
thoughts
sometimes i dont like whats inside my head

Poem by me

Hold on
Dont go
Y no one cares anyways
Yes some do
Who
If they do they dont say
I just wanna go
Jump of that stupid bridge
Dont ur loved
Why
I feeling coming on
Hold on
No dont wanna
Stop it
No
Yes
Think
Think lil more
No
Leave me alone
In gonna do it
Do what
Jump.

walking home all alone on a cold winter night herding nothing but silents
so peaceful you don't know if someone is crying if someone is lying if someone is talking if someone is sleeping
but it doesn't matter cause you are alone
walking home alone in the dark thinking  i  can overcome these thoughts
walking home all alone in the dark you see two people holding hands
while walking home all alone in the dark you reach home and look around crawling to bed
sound asleep you are dreaming of nothing but when  you wake to *** you see me standing there
what should i do
but stand there watching you .

stay go stay go stay go
go now go now go now
stop stop stop
think think think
think think think
walk walk walk
walk walk walk
slow slow slow
faster faster faster
stop stop stop
sit down sit down sit down
pick up the phone pick up the phone pick up the phone
dial the number dial the number dial the number
hang up hang up hang up
think think think
think think think
get up get up get up
walk walk walk
slow slow slow
now now now
run run run
so fast so fast so fast
no one can see no one can see no one can see
now now now
turn turn turn
down down down
the the the
road road road
stop stop stop
go go go
to to to
the the the
tunnel tunnel tunnel
have a seat have a seat  have a seat
now now now
breathe breathe breathe
dont dont dont
cut cut cut
think think think
thin think think
close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes
now now now
sleep sleep sleep
when when when
you you you
wake up wake up wake up
everything everything everything
will will will
be be be
all all all
right right right

Everything is... wonderful...beautiful...perfect...insane and at the same time marvelous...gentle...kind...somehow the world around around me has once again become devine.
This goes out to every soul...every single piece of flesh that decided to stick with me...through the ******...the crack...
everything I have struggled with...
Thank you for still being here and having my back...even if it's maybe just a bed time snack.

Tina Marie Louise...

You have changed the way I think...
You have changed the way I am...
You have changed the way I drink...
You have changed the way I can...

and when I feel all ****** up and caught up in a jam...
I know I have you to hold my hand.

Our Love may seem obscure...
because we come from different worlds...
You're a valley girl...
and I come from a place where homies have jerry girls...

but it don't matter...

My love for you is out of this world.

Tina
I'm pretty         I'm fat
I'm happy         I'm sad
I'm gone         I'm crying
I'm good             I'm bad
I'm tired         i dont sleep
I'm pain            I'm cutting
I'm upset        I'm not around
I care                  i dont
I'm crazy          I'm crazy
I'm pink             I'm purple
I'm glad             I'm mad
I walk                    I run
I stay                   I leave
I'm depression   im diabetic
I make no ******* sense.

36 age
italian fame
brown eye girl
holding on
standing still
tattoo for each of how i feel
24 in all
girly time
breaking point
falling down wanted to be seen
crossing path in strange lands

Talkin to angel
Hello
Hello  are you here
I really need your ear
I'm here
What is it you wanna hear
I need you
I need your help to fight my fears
I'm here dont be afraid to me all your fears
I'm sad
I'm lonely
I'm tired
I'm alone
I'm ugly
I'm....
Shh my child you are not all of those
I see
Beauty
Happiness
Poetry
Love
Caring
Well why do people not see that
Only one who truthy care will see
You are not made for everyone my dear
Cry if you need to
Sleep if you need to
Hide if you need to
But never lose yourself over fools
Feel better my dear tomorrow is coming and no more fears.

U have such a pretty face n wonderful smile n ok with ur body figure why do u feel so out of place my guardian angel look after she said

Run with me in the woods
Run with a friend
Run by me
Run once u have the courage to
Run a bit
Run for time
Run for pleasure
Run for high
Run in the name of love
Run the bar
Run away
Run for a break today
Run as far as you  can go
Just ******* run .

Sit
Lay
Sit
Lay
Look at the clock the hands go around
Thinking of everything that goes on
Why I am not laying with you
Why I am thinking of you
Why I am dreaming of you
Why why why
I dont have the answer only you do
I listen to your words
I repeat them in my head
I listen to songs remind me
I sing then to make me feel good
I want to scream
But it wont help
Take as I am
Little ****** up
Little insane
Little crazy
My soul keeps asking me
What should I say when I don't know what to say
Come with me and walk through the woods where we can lay a d up at the same moon and stars

i sit and look out the window wondering if your thinking of me to
i sit and look out the window wondering if your talking bout me
i sit and look out the window wondering if you are ok
i sit and look out the window wondering if  you will ever know
i lay here thinking and thinking
i lay here not knowing what's going on
i lay here wondering all kinds of what ifs
i walk to think
i walk to see
but nothing is there where it should be i think i'm going crazy with my own **** thoughts but im use it so it does bother me with these thoughts
i wish things could og the way i believe but nothing will be ever be
i see the moon shining so bright
it knows how i feel and what i do
i know it will never be true
the moon knows all my secrets an you will never
i go back to the window sitting thinking an thinking
wishing i could go to sleep but nope it's not in the cards for me
so i'll lay here thinking of everything and let it all make do .

i see  the sun coming out from the clouds to play for the day
i see the rain coming down from the cloudy gloomy sky
i see the people of this walking around with phones in their hands not talking to one another
i see the cars driving by not looking at the people that they pass
i see the leaves falling down off the trees
i see some snow coming down from the sky but it doesn't stay
i see the dogs out having fun
i see the cats in the windows looking out wishing they could go outside as well
i see the food being prepared for eating
i see clothes hanging on the clothes line waiting to dry
i see the phone ringing but no one answers they rather txt
i see smoking coming from people mouth
i smell the air when its cold
i hold the memories
i laugh at the dumbest things
i cry at the meaningful things  
i see the time going back
i see the time going ahead
i see flowers dying and growing
i see lots of things i just don't speak of
i think a lot
i know a lot

I miss your laugh
I miss your voice
I miss your smell
I miss you smile
I miss your heart
I miss holding your hand
I miss you so much
I wish you were here like your suppose to be
Sometimes I feel like your still here and that makes me happy whenever I feel like crying I think of you and I feel all right again

I don't wanna be here no more
I don't wanna feel anymore
I dont wanna deal
I don't wanna say
I don't wanna love no more
I dont wanna hold on no more
I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna be here no more come take me
I don't cry for help
Maybe I should **** myself
Maybe I'm not listening
Maybe I should run so far away to scream
Maybe maybe maybe
But we know I wont
Maybe i can be where people know
Maybe just maybe but who ******* knows
Time heal what heart wants nope not mine i rather died then feel this
Maybe maybe sleep will help

feeling sad         i looking for happiness
feeling lonely     looking for you
feeling pain       i want it to be gone
feeling tired      i want to sleep
feeling  nothing    i want to feel
holding pen in hand
paper on the counter
writing until i can't think or become numb
not all makes sense
i cant hide what i feel
no matter how much i try
i over think
i under think
crying from time to time
hiding away
never to been seen
i want it all
piece by piece
holding on

im ugly
im worthless
im nothing
i cry
i cut
i wish to feel different
i feel alone
not begging for attention
sleepless nights
the world is ****** place
over thinking
stay?

Inside my head a lot of things are going on why i am alive, why i'm not dead
Why do people ta;l about me like they know me when they dont
Why do i feel depressed
Why do i feel suicidal
Why do i feel lonely and loved so many things run through my head
I'm here for some reason just don't know what it is

what does one say ?
what does one do ?
what does one feel ?
what does one think?
what does this all mean?
when one can say
when one can do
when one can feel
when one can think
this means one is whole
i think not
one does not feel an think alike one can only imagine
what now you say
i say doesn't matter one will listen?
you can ask
i think if you do then the world will and you have peace will overcome

fun
drink in hand
straight mix times to time
music loud
no one around
sometimes found in a crowd
drinking when sad  
drinking when happy
not falling down
talking to few
breaking all the rules
holding in tears
becoming a fool
faking  a smile to hide pain
going home to sleep it all away
laying down
lonely nightmares a wait

sleepless nights

Feeling tired
Falling a sleep
Thinking
Crying
Finally a sleep
Wake up
Lay back down
Holding my dream so tight
Finally a sleep again
Wake up
Stay awake
Sleeping again
Wake up
These are the nights I deal with
These are my nights

I m not normal so what
I am crazy so what
I Am fat so what
I'm pretty so what
I Am bored so what
I Am a bit**h so what
I hate winter so what
I love summer so what
I'm 36 so what
I Am a woman so what
I'm weird so what
I swear a lot so what
I love pink so what
I have few friends so what
I love night so what
I love horror so what
i have depressed so what
I get lonely so what
Ism poor so what
I'm lazy some time so what

Life
Born to live
Child to live
Teenager to live
Adult to live
Motherhood to live but gone
Couples to live but not never happen
Beaten an abused looking for love but all I found was a fool
Had one but gone to soon
Friends to live but only found a few
Taken by pain I cried
Take by angry I will rise
Taken by love to survive
Sleeping at night to cry to feel alone I want to died
Happy but sad
Sad but happy
Everyday is a struggle
Time pass by
Lay here wanting for what I cant hide
Talk is cheap but why you lie
Honestly trustworthy I could cry
Why why why
May never know why
Live laugh love is a crime
Age old but people think I lied
Poor but pretty is that a crime
Again though no answers why
Time for sleep so the day can arrive
Bad thoughts try to climb
Good thoughts try to jump high
Come on you must know why
Death....
My story not over with guys.

The moon is full

The moon follows you just like stalkers do

When the moon is full alot of things start to go all wacky

Like cats

When the moon is full cats are running around

Like dogs

When the moon is full dogs start barking and howling

Like bugs

When the moon is full the bugs start buzzing n flying around filling the sky full

Like people

When the moon is full people do things they never do

So once in awhile if you like it blame it on the full moon

Random words , thoughts, speak
Poem by me
Face  beautiful, sad, happy
Cold air, beath, night
Best good,fair , friend
God real, imagine, believing
Stay longer, walking, run
Forever love, marriage, life
Moment time,photo, video
Blood death, red, fire
Beath sore, bad, cold
Call distance, fail , unlimited
Hair dye, beautiful, fine
Today tomorrow, night , day
Full stomach, moon , lies
Touch good , bad , away
Red blood , crayon , lipstick
Rain heavy, light, wet
Waiting  staying, going , sitting
Watch tv , movies, people
Sit time , moment, quite
Warm heat, heart, strong
Sea water , blue , sharks
Heart beat , red , alive
Finally now , stay , wait
Realize understand, waiting , talking
Child born , age , playful
Human man , woman , child

U look down n c the most beautiful flower
U look around n dont c no more
U wonder y there is only one  lil flower
When there is a field
All is empty but that lil flower
But it still grows as if nothing ever happen
U think that poor lil  flower feels all alone
But it doesnt cause its knows that when u feel alone u r still whole
But the next day the flower noticed that he wasn't alone cuz other flower  was started to grow
N that lil poor flower wasn't alone no more.
And that day is when the lil flower realized he loved other flower
U c the lil flower didnt wanna be left alone in this world but didnt want look for other flower so  he waited to c if other flower would come by
N when she did he felt like nothing would ever hurt him again.

The night is dark
the ghost are going through people's  body to take them over for the night
the vampires are out looking for blood
the werewolves are out looking for food
the spirits are out looking after the loved ones who miss them
the zombies are looking for brain's
the living is out running the streets

why so sad
what made you that way
i want you to be happy again
but you must first come here and let me hold your hand
let me tell you all the wonderful things that are around you

Me young
Me old
Me sad
Me happy
Me up
Me down
Me walk
Me run
Me stand
Me sit
Me cry
Me smile
Me sleep
Me awake
Me talk
Me quite
Me go
Me stay
Me dressed
Me naked
Me *****
Me clean

i sit and think of something to say
i stand and think of something to say
i walk and think of something to say
i lay down and think of something to say
i talk and of something to say
you make me nervous
you make me laugh
you make me feel happy even if its for one sec
you look my way
you walk my way
you talk my way
but yet you don't come my way

im old
but young
kids i have
but none with me
people lie to over up their *******
lies lies lies
loved ones gone
to soon no time to retry
cry cry cry
have friends but feel alone
have family but feel alone
sad sad sad
been abused
been *****
been lied to my men
depression kicks in
i try to feel alive but i wanna do is died
sleeping all the time wishing time would go by
drink
smoke ****
i use to cut to feel alive
days go without talking
fat
pretty
big thighs
music
movies,
tv
walking
pink
thoughts
afraid of highest
poor
italian
so here why don't you tell them  something they don't know about me

Everything you need to know about me lines within me you will miss everything if you keep your head down