Think about how my life is
I just can't think anymore.

The time that I become
lonely.

Sometimes I just want to scream,
I been tormented for years that I want to get out,
Trying to breathe,
trying to stay alive,
trying to stay positive,
trying not to cry,
I just can't help it when I have problems in life,
trying to be better,
trying to smile,
trying to be more active to others,
I just can't when I have issues that will never be resolve,
I am just so confused about things;
that I just don't understand why people like back stabbers hurt people like me,
I done nothing wrong,
All that I want is friends to love and to care for,
I am just damaged that never been healed,
my wounds just stay the same or just got worse,
no one can heal them,
I had too many disturbance in life that makes me feel stressed,
pain just makes me feel too much agony in my whole life,
I am tired of suffering,
I am tired of being hurt,
I am tired of the stress,
I just want to be healed from my pain,
I am tired of feeling hopeless.

Would things matters when people lies,
would things matter if people stabs you(me) in the back,
is it okay when I stay in the dark forever,
is it fine when people calls me a nobody?
Would things matter when I go to a places to go no where,
Me just wonders why everything in this world is so cruel,
like a piece of leaf falls on my hands just crumbles in seconds,
like a burning fire.
The darkness is the worst way to go,
is when someone that have a mental state of issues in life that need help.
that when someone thinks that they are worthless when no one have anyone left.

Most of my life when I am thinking about things that made me feel;
Hurt. makes me feel insane when to think about it;
The insane part is that my life that I been through is;
lost of people that I have in life;
The way that I am thinking about her is;
most is some is anger cause of lies and been stab in the back;
Another is that I am sad cause of her(s) leaving me behind without a word;
I am was a fool cause of a few people in my life lets me down;
I am trying to be better, it just hard;
I thought that we shared a lot that we was sisters;
I guess that we wasn't met to be;
I become more hurt than you cause,
I thought that you was a good friend(s) to me;
I wished that they would prove to me that they would change;
Now I know that the world is the same, and People don't change;
When they want to change:

"To me it doesn't matter to me anymore. Because I got used to people hurting me and stab me in the back. I am not as strong as people think that I am. My wise words right now is that no matter where I am at, I will find a best friend to be replace soon."

-Selene

A time to fight,
when detractions that you don't see,
is when someone stabs you (me),
When a conventions cause destruction on others,
that went people feels more in pain.

For years goes by,
people will feel more determine to find answers,
to wonder why they hurt them, (me)
that when they will feel more angry at them.

More time goes by and no signs of anything,
More emotions, more pain, and lost self-esteem,
feeling hopeless everyday,
wondering why they hurt me?

After years My mother left me and I been having panic attacks that I never told anyone in my life cause of so many confusions in my life. So I was at my house that night that I saw my dad goes to his room and shuts the door and locks it. I got so scared in my life that I just go in my room and just cries cause I was alone and I had nothing to help me.

My mom is gone and i am afraid that I am going to lose my dad, I didn't eat much even when my mother left me. Even tho that I don't call her mom anymore, I just miss having a mother in my life that I never ever got to expensive a mom to hold me and tells me that everything is going to be okay.

I feel so broken that i just don't know anymore that I felt suicidal even I was only 5 years old, but I got over it anyway. I played one sport even though it was for tiny children. I just still felt depressed that I just don't know what to do anymore.

So I went to therapist to another to another. I just gave up cause they haven't helped me. I just had to deal with my own problems for the rest of my life. I just feel that my real mom died a long time ago.

By the time that I was 7 or 8 years old, I been started to be bullied and been make fun of, and also drama begun too.  I was always in the middle of everything. No one believed me and I feel so fooled though to everyone.

One day that I feel so Anti-Social that I didn't want to talk to anyone that i was silent for a few days even tho that I had to study and a lot of crap that goes through my life is. My speech therapy still haven't changed much when I was 5 yrs old. I never ever stand up for myself cause i never had real friends. just full of fake friends.

I just wish that i never became like this and just be full of spirited and be happy, I wasn't happy, I never had since later on in life. Even tho Drama always followed me until I done with school. Even tho it still is. Will I ever be happy?? Will I ever get a best friend that I will trust and share everything with her? I guess that I will never know.......

This is something about my life
that I Have to put this on here just to get
it out of my chest.

My heart is still in pain cause I have some things
that the truths that I haven't know,
that also been unknown.

I just wish that they would just told me the truth,
if they had done it,
I would not be as depressed and in pain.

My life is that my body is full of scars,
that things that I wish that things never had happened
my life would need support.

Maybe that I would never know the truth,
Maybe that no one would support my decision,
I just don't know anymore.