maybe the puzzles could be fixed if I only
knew where the right pieces are.
the jagged pieces won't fit if the corners
are all seemly square.

it's hard to keep forcing pieces to fit if they
won't match up.
kind of like trying to fit a big cardboard
box into an eight ounce cup.

the right pieces for my life to get back on
track I can't seem to find.
everything I need to focus on to feel good
it won't seep into my mind.

this heart of mind was made to become
all about the Lord and His joy.
the devil is playing me like a fool just to
make me his own personal toy.

i want out of the devil's game so that I
can find peace in my own game.
i need Jesus to lead me through this
by me calling on His name.

pick up the pieces Lord and help me
to fix my puzzled and confused life.
it's been said by so many others that
choosing you, you will make it right.

there's a damaged heart that
no longer beats.
eyes fill with lots of tears that
suffered defeat.

silence in the room because the
music has stopped playing.
people lips are moving, it's not
clear what they are saying.

a sound mind has wondered so
very far away.
happiness for a promising soul
has suffered much decay.

the warmth of two hands have
quickly gone cold.
the once courage of a lion has
fickle and no longer bold.

My many nights are cold, strange
and strangled by the devil.
Frustrations come easy and I feel
the presence of everything evil.

Angels are spoken of but they are
not talking to me.
Torment has it's claws buried inside
of me refusing to set me free.

Under my feet there's nothing to
walk on but painful spiking stones.
Cutting the skin from the bottoms
of my feet right down to the bones.

My soul is pierced and I feel like
I'm so desperately loss.
The devil is casting his spell on me,
he doesn't care about the cost.

The oceans of blue waters I've seen
they no longer exist.
The warmth of the rains I've felt has
now turned to a bitter cold mist.

Darkness covers up everything and
it's overtaken the light.
The master of evilness has stepped
in and taken away my will to fight.

I don't know myself anymore and
I'm too afraid to have hope.
I'm falling with a promise to find
nothing at the end of the *****.

How can I love thy neighbor
if I hate his guts.
Why should I tolerate people
who drive me nuts.

Why try to please someone if
I'm not in love.
How can I find a star at night
if I don't look at the sky above.

How can I find a job if I really
don't look.
Why should I care to read mess
that's all over facebook.

Why should I keep backing a
losing sports team.
How could I make reality of a
long lost dream.

How can I find myself if I'm
always loss.
Why should I buy anything if
I can't afford the cost.

Sometimes changes seem unfair
Especially if it seems nobody else
seem to care.

Walking this world going from
place to place, never finding one
to fill the empty space.

Changes sometimes come and
they may surely go, like notes to
a song that nobody know.

This world of ours has falling so
far behind. Maybe we can turn it
around before the end of time.

What's wrong if I have a car
that's just like yours.
My house and yard is free
of debris.
My fence is white
just like yours.

what's wrong?

I don't bother you at all
yet you dislike me.
I believe in freedom just
like you.
Why are you so right and
in your eyes everything
about me is so wrong.

what's wrong?

I love my children and
I do my best to teach
them the right way
to go.
Yet in your eyes they don't
deserve to have freedoms
like you want to claim for
yourself.

what's wrong?

What's fair is fair as it should
be for the world including
people like you and me.
Choose to see love and peace
yet you seek to destroy.
What's in your mind and
embedded in your heart
it's troubling to me.

what's wrong?

Everything is at an void, my mind,
my heart,my thoughts, my soul.
On the days when everything should
matter, those days I lose control.

Good times and happiness should be
everything, right now I feel so weak.
I've been elevated to the head of the class
lost, tormented and labeled as meek.

My heart has been ripped up and tossed
aside, for I feel like I've been scorned.
Investigating the size of this ******* hole
the more I find that it's been torn.

Help is just around the corner that's what
the political correct like to say.
I call out to them but still nothing changes
because they can't fit me into their day.

I didn't talk to God today and
I don't quite understand why.
He woke me up to see a brand new
day when He could have let me die.

I didn't consider the price He paid
for me to live from day to day.
I didn't see His blessings when things
could have been a different way.

He kept clothes on my back, and two
shoes on my feet.
I didn't bother to say thanks for giving
me food to eat.

I took for granted that it was He who
keeps a roof over my head.
He tried to remind me of these things,
I didn't hear a word He said.

He still offers me forgiveness for the
terrible way I act.
Leaving the gates open to His heart
just waiting for me to come back.

Feeling pale from the turbulent
times of the pass.
Tons of uneasiness within that
continues to last and last.

A heart of stone that's faded
without a colorful beat.
Dreams are conquered, taken
away in total defeat.

Many roads ahead leading to
nothing but dead ends.
Debris in all lanes, stirred up
by deadly whirlwinds.  

A world that exist without a
sun that shines.
Always wondering why good
things are hard to find.

A hand full of red roses they're
all withered and dead.
Peace within the soul turns out
to be nothing but lies instead.

in my room it's dark and her
terror is always there.
she spoke words of i love you
but she really did not care.

she believed in anger and the
painful acts of deceit.
she believed in domestic terror
as a way for her to compete.

her face was a thing of beauty
her heart was made of stone.
even seeing herself in a mirror
she wouldn't admit to wrong.

she took away everything when
she'd taken my child away.
she did it out of malice because
she lives her life that way.

my pain has been kept a secret
for so many silent years.
whenever i see her face i relive
all of my fears.

no one knows the pain that comes
along with all the shame.
living with a female monster
one without a name.

Even at my age today there are many
things that I don't understand.
Things like political pressures and the
many failures of me being a man.

Why are there so many struggles in
our world and our given life.
Why do people do so much cruelty
to separate a man from his wife.

Who are we and why do we as people
take little comfort in our own existence.
Does the evils of the world form the way
for review of our life long assistance.

What will the single man do for himself
if in this world he is left all alone.
How will he survive to see another day
without his wife, children and a home.

We rather detonate a nuclear bomb to
defeat our friends and even an enemy.
Even the dog will leave home realizing
that even he has an unclear ending.

Count the days until we reach the end
of so many wasted days and nights.
Why are there so many people who has
all the answers and never get it right?

the kid inside of you
disappeared and
became something
else.

a wolf that disguised
itself as a lamb
you destroyed
life.

you set traps to only
appease yourself
you mangled
viciously.

you were determined
you were strong
taking others
selfishly.

you now roam alone
the victor basting
in self
glorification.

I'm sorry sister that I couldn't be there
to keep you much alive.
I hope that you didn't suffer much
I hope Jesus stood before your eyes.

Some of us may never know why you
had to get up and walk away.
But God said that He'll be looking out
for you just call him during the day.

Rest in peace and peace be with you
as you journey on your way.
Remember us all who's left behind
for you we're continue to pray.

God left a memory of you for us to
cherish all along the way.
When you reach the gates of heaven
send us a message to say that it's okay.

I put in my time only to find that
I'm not getting anything back.
Besides that nobody wanted to hear
my thoughts and that's a fact.

Solutions offered on daily basis and
that's about all I can do.
Words are being spoken out loud but
I'm not hearing anything from you.

You're just standing there in my way
when you should be moving.
You claim that you have it all under
control but you don't know what
you're doing.

I've done all I can to be your very best friend
You turn your back and walk away.
I ask you if you need me to help you but
you only continue to push me away.

My time is short and I need an answer so
will you please show some respect.
I'm being patient with you and there is
nothing you're doing but only making
making me have regrets.

Silence in the room please, would
you please stop talking.
Listen and learn because there is a
voice speaking softly.

The voice said nothing about pain,
nor screams of destruction.
Listen closely, the voice speaks about
love, understanding and peace.

Be quiet and listen to everything that
this voice has to say.
It whispers the sounds that only God
directs to be said.

Listen and follow the directions that's
been given to you.
Walk away from all things that is not
suitable in the eyes of the Lord.

This voice speaks quietly to us all on
a one on one basis.
This voice speaks to us daily and all
through the night.

Listen I said, the voice has a message
for you and I.
It whispers words that we may never
hear again at a moments notice.

The voice speaks quietly again as
it tells us to lay our heads down.
Sleep, sleep, sleep and then there
is a sudden silence.

Listen, the voice has gone away
and it speaks no more.
We all had a choice to follow the
voice of God, how did we do?

Sometimes a man never escapes
the deeds of the pass.
Sometimes the sorrows of today
they leave too fast.

Sometimes a man fall far to short
of his everlasting dream.
Sometimes the visions in his eyes
are never quite like they seem.

Sometimes a man can get lost and
and he can never find joy.
Sometimes reasoning isn't considered
to be the greatest of ploy.

Sometimes man follow another man's
path only to be mislead.
Sometimes there are signs that warn
to stop before the danger ahead.

Some people think they own you
if they open the door for you.
They watch your every step, they
keep an keen eye on you.

They wait for you to respond to
every demand they make.
They want it right now and they
don't care what it takes.

It's not about how much they care
for you, that's not in the plan.
They did something for you and they
expect you understand.

Nothings free anymore you brought
this down on yourself.
They will take, take, take away from
you until you have nothing left.

tonight I judge a man without
knowing his name.
my thoughts were the worst
with no mercy to gain.

we've never spoken before nor
did I know where he lived.
my view of him were the bad
comments that I had to give.

he didn't know I was there
until he turned around.
when he looked at me, I saw
a face without a frown.

smile he did as if that was all
his face knew how to do.
he excused himself and said
to me may God bless you.

thinking to myself and all the
bad thoughts I had.
judgment on an unknown man
sure was sad.

he walked away and before he
completely left.
he turned and ask me could I
find God within myself.

strange as it was, the question
totally made my day.
as if God stepped in and said
don't treat a man that way.

here I am judging a man and
who he was I didn't know.
it could have been the face
that God decided to show.

The closet door is close and I can't get out
Seeing only darkness with no light in sight
I keep running away from you and you won't let go
The grip you have on me, it's so unjustly tight.

When I walk outside to see the world as it is
All I can see in my eyes are so many tears
Things you took for granted and by misleading me
A sorrow I've been living with for so many years.

You bring up all the things that only you believe
The perks that you falsely behold and selfishly proclaim
You talk about things that I was force to live without
Like the ****** of my unborn child who has no name.

Outside this closet you're so impatiently waiting on me
With greed, animosity, and your only engraved trophy
The story of your backward and twisted unforgiving life
Only cherished by you to be your only fame and glory.

She's living with a man and he's
not doing anything for her.
Except making himself scarce,
his presence is always a blur.

She calls me when she need things
and I'm suppose to understand.
He's the baby's daddy but he's not
willing to be the man.

I don't talk to her much now and
I think I know why.
I'm not making money anymore
so she told my heart goodbye.

I got caught up in an accident and
for me everything had to change.
She's taking it personal by acting
real strange.

I thought we were going to be the
best of the best.
She's saying love without the money
she can now care less.

My love hasn't change for them and
I'm the same old man.
All I want to do is see my kids and
she doesn't care to understand.

the poison still haunts mentally
and the desire is gone.
to be free once again to touch
what's right by defeating wrong.

the scars that linger increase in
the most dramatic pain.
circles swirling all around above
one must be insane.

the grip of the vice get tighter as
the minutes go by.
there are tears from swollen eyes
but one can't cry.

sorrow seems to come easier as if
it's in a much higher demand.
there's not a cure for the broken
heart of a dying and lost man.

for reasons untold there seems to
not be a way out.
nobody's doing any talking because
everyone's feeling doubt.

pleas and screams they all are yet
to remain unheard.
voices talking inside of my head
refusing to be disturb.

do you know who you are and
what you're willing to do.
if you had to travel daily in life
with two feet and one shoe.

would you do your very best or
decide to give in.
would you tear your house down
to rebuild it again.

what does it take for you to get a
firm grip on yourself.
would you stand and be rip apart
until there is nothing left.

who's to say what a man won't do
if his back's against a wall.
would you help the man to his feet
again or would you let him fall.

I understand the ritual between
Laila and I.
When she see me she cries as if
she's afraid of me.

In the beginning it broke my
heart because of who I am.
It's a ritual that shows me that
love can start with tears.

Patience is the key as the tears
in Laila eyes slowly fade.
Time allows me to sit, watch
and wait as joy find it's way.

The ritual teaches a lesson that
love isn't always so easy.
You may have to wait and let
the pieces fall in place.

In the end birds are singing
songs around Laila and I.
I understand how the ritual
goes because of who she is.

During all of the trials and tribulations
God was always standing close to me.
Even in the darkness of all those days
He shined His light for me to see.

He created me because He knew that
I would always need His help.
He created a bridge over the troubled
waters to protect my every step.

He provided constant shelter on all the
days when I felt cold.
He waves His hands in mysterious ways
to bring a new fire into my soul.

How could anybody deny all of the good
that He has done.
For if there is someone for us to count on
then Jesus is the one.

He has no guilt about what He does for
the likes of me and you.
For Jesus is the one and only whose has
a love for us that's genuine and true.

suddenly feeling kind of broke
just another day for me to choke
can't remember where I've been
blame it on the tonic and gin.

the tidal waves splashing all about
my pocket's empty there is no doubt
asked the band for a song to sing
instead I got a bump it sure does sting.

something went wrong in the crowd
suddenly things became loud
lights began to cover my eyes
to much to drink and that's not a lie.

suddenly I'm rowdy as I can be
got a long way to go before I'm free
running fast trying to get away
trying my best to see another day.

Rotten to the core mentally and the pain never
seem to go away.
Nights are spent wondering how much more of
this unwanted pleasure am I having to take.

There's no escaping this no matter how hard I try
there's nothing about this that seems discreet.
I'm seeking answers but they all seem to pass me by
the pain is more intense it's causing me not to sleep.

I'm miserable, I need a miracle or something magical
that will eventually get me away from this.
It burns inside of me like an old match with an open flame,
burning me at its own will, burning me insane.

**** me now to release me from the agony and this despair,
point me to places where I find some kind of release.
I'm searching for understanding and hope, and almost anything
that could give my mind some peace.

My arms hurt, my legs hurt and the pain is moving from my toes
straight down to the bottom of my feet.
Somebody get me some help because I'm a tired old man who's
giving up and my eyes are beginning to weep.

Somebody is sitting out on the porch
with no food to eat.
There is little kid standing out in the
street with no shoes on his feet.

Momma's gone away from home for
up to three days at a time.
Poppa is out on the corner drinking
up his last dime.

Nobody could have convinced me
that nobody else was aware.
Somebody should have told me that
the world didn't care.

Why am I the only one feeling all of
this pain.
Left without any kind of dreams with
nothing to gain.

Somebody please tell me that better
times are ahead.
If things remain as they are, somebody
could end up dead.

Pinch me to let know that this feeling
isn't for real.
Somebody please let me know that during
my lifetime I can find a better deal.

The silence remain within
it hurts and it's scary.
The sound of silence is normal,
common to be afraid.

Keep silent because men are
not suppose to speak.
Accept it or be ridiculed
by everlasting torture.

It's supposed to always be
an unknown secret.
That's not to be shared by
others who look like me.

Remember the pointed knife,
remember the bats of violence.
Continue to hear the threats,
remember the physical pain.

Cling to the many times I tried
to tell the story of reality.
Nobody cared to stop by or call
to hear my broken voice.

Nobody cared to understand,
denials were made in silence.
Today I stand broken because
it's all taken as a joke.

Society won't to listen to a
broken voice like mine.
Keep silent they say to me
remember I'm a man.

Many things have gone away,
many moons have passed.
Many nights of broken dreams,
mental scars from a silent lie.

A heavy dose of fog covered the city
leaving minimum sights to see.
The dampness of it all felt good enough
to cover the heat that soon will be.

Lights could be seen in a distance as
the day began to come alive.
Passing vehicles created creepy illusions as
crickets sounds slowly became deprived.

What lurks within the fog could sometimes
leave one's mind to only guess.
It become so highly tense at times only to
cover up a decaying city and it's big mess.

Trouble always seem to poison my day.
If there's a way out I can't find my way.
Trust they say and never have doubts.
Is this truly what life is all about?

The sun up there in these big blue skies.
Doesn't shine on me to dry my tearful eyes.
Birds fly over my head never making a sound.
I never miss the puddles on this old wet ground.

Why don't I get to miss the things of wrong?
When people sing why don't I hear their song?
Candles burn at night without leaving me light.
The moon disappears in the middle of the night.

The mental aspect of it all it seems to get worst.
Rivers running all around me I still have a thirst.
Wanting to leave it all behind I can't find my way.
God teach me and lead me to paths for a better day.

Sometimes I don't know about
who I am.
I puzzle myself trying to figure
out who I am.

Am I the crazy one, the one who's
crazy.
Am I the one who can't be the
one who's misunderstood.
Do I care to even try to be the one
to understand just who I am.

Who am I

What do I stand for

Is it really me who wants to
be who I am.

Sometimes I wonder.

shameful acts of violence committed
and there's truly something wrong.
when a child has to sit and hear words
like daddy won't be coming home.

struck down in the middle of a street
by a bullet from a gun.
racial tones widely expressed because
everybody want to be number one.

sad are the faces of family members
who has to feel the pain.
it seems it easier to take another man's
life without a moment of shame.

people has wrong buried within and
there's no doubt.
we're all dying in the middle of streets
with hatred sprawled all about.

blame is placed as to who's in the wrong
and who's in the right.
in the end it all adds up to be the same
daddy won't be home tonight.

solutions has to come about and it needs
to come really quick and fast.
we need to search for a better tomorrow
or the world just won't last.

Imagine being on an island
and when you look up you
realize that the sun is black.

Bored as one can be, oh yes that's me
frustrated without a second thought.
Really, if you seriously want to know I
blame myself, oh yeah it's my fault.

I can't quite find my way, I can't quite seem
to find my very own prayer.
I can't see the good side of my face anymore
I look in the mirror I can only find a stare.

All notions have been tested, oh! yes that's me
searching from the bottom all the way to the top.
Quickly sliding further down toward the bottom
of the pit and I just can't stop.

My lion like spirit has taken on quite a beating
Oh! yes these are my tears.
What's happening with all those prayers that
I've stored up for years.

Shout at me and it's okay for anybody who
wants to go all out and scream.
Oh! yes it me and I'm looking for somebody
to wake me up from this old bad dream.

It's been a couple of days now and I'm
still thinking about that letter.
There's nothing within the lines I've
read that could make me feel better.

I've tossed and I've turned trying to make
myself come to an understanding.
Why would a man want me to believe his
way of thinking and to be so demanding.

Why would he want me to excuse and to
remove the God that I believe in.
Would he want me to walk away from a
God who I claim as a true friend.

Maybe the words written on this letter
wasn't what he really wanted to say.
Maybe the author of the letter wanted
to know if I've truly found my way.

I can only tell the author that the roads
will still have the pitfalls up ahead.
His letter is a prime example for me to
keep pushing on and not to be mislead.

So as I pray for the letter writer and I
wish him the very best.
God promised that the roads to heaven
will sometimes start with a test.

When I take a walk back down
memory lane.
I think about all the things that
I did that were so insane.

I can hear keys clinging when the
the guards locked my cell.
Teardrops conquering in my head
when I didn't get any mail.

Marathons of drug use without an
extra moment to spare.
I see my kid being aborted by a mother
who just didn't care.

How and why God spared me to
be living today.
I guess it's to help somebody else
who can't find their way.

If that's the reason then I really don't
have anything to regret.
I travel back down these lost roads
because I don't want to forget.

Forgiveness I seek from God because
of the things I didn't understand.
He's giving me another chance to be
a completely different kind of man.

1:51 a.m., it's a dark and dim moment.
Nobody can fall asleep.
Listening to the night winds blowing.
Death and the sounds of a child's weep.

Calm is the recipe for the moment
yet it's hard for most to achieve.
No mother, father, sister or brother.
Sadly they all had to painfully leave.

Sadness clearly seizes these moments
to remind us the ways of mankind.
Riches surround leaders of the world,
yet our lives aren't worth a dime.

Sit and weep silently in the moment.
Faces covered with pain and despair.
Broken hearts can't scream out loudly,
Nobody listens, nobody to really care.

What do we do in such dire moments
as the reaper knocks at the door.
Do we stand and fight for our lives
or sit quietly in a corner on the floor.

there's a void within
an emptiness that
I can not find.

an idled soul
that lingers
without meaning.

who am I
I don't know
who I am.

I'm here
I think
I'm numb.

no tears
no pain
just empty
inside.

rusty, dusty and tarnished,
boy don't i really feel old.
foggy, hateful and mad and
i won't do what i'm told.

crazy, slow and selfish to all
who stands in my way.
nights don't mean a thing to
me and neither does the day.

no more youthfulness and i
ache all the time.
perfumes i never use and to
me i'm doing just fine.

why should i read a book or
even try to spell.
i know it all anyway, so all of
you can go to (guess).

i don't have to be afraid of not
living to see the age of 21.
it's all about my anger, that's
what i call having fun.

so if i die this minute, do you
really think i care.
my heart beats slow without
extra time to spare.

lunatic, stupid and fearless
right down to the core.
living to be a senior doesn't
really matter anymore.

we saw it at a distance
we didn't twice about it.
it wasn't our war to fight
so we let the fuses glow.

slowly the wind blew
death in our direction.
it came crawling slowly
it eventually open the door.

the panic button is round
it goes down with such ease.
when it reaches its destination
an explosion comes about.

life takes on a totally different
and new direction.
faith finds it's place like no
other times before.

lessons of the past still hasn't
found it's way.
future has no meanings until
we find the open door.

Some of them stood there talking bad
about me as the service went on.
They had nothing to say good about me,
they talked about the things I did wrong.

Some rushed the preacher to hurry up to
get this thing over with.
Instead of putting a rose on top of me
some could only conjure up spit.

Heaven they could only wish for me as the
choir sadly sang along.
Most of them wouldn't dare to wish me to
hell without clapping to a sad song.

Maybe the things they're saying about me
was the case I made for my own self.
Maybe most of them cried so many tears
when I was alive now they have none left.

They laughed and made jokes about my
mom because she broke down and cried.
Mostly all of them showed up at my funeral
to make sure that I had died.

It's about time that I speak about
you and the things that you do.
It starts about the silly little things
that I put you through.

If pain was caused by anybody, it
was all caused by me.
It was always you who hung in to
show me how things should be.

I owe you the world and I owe you
more than that.
I've even taken things from you that
I could never give you back.

Strong and courageous, these words
are meant to define only you.
You're the one who's teaching me that
real love can be true.

You're grounded with strength and a
heart that's made of gold.
You're the one who has the right to be
loved to your soul.

You've shown me that you are a woman
and deserved to be treated as such.
When it comes to having an amount of
love for you I have so much.

Selfishness can't be found in your heart
no matter what you seem to do.
The Lord blesses many men like me
to have someone just like you.

A rider slowly rode into town
during the darkness of night.
He knocked at my door and he
asked for a light.

He had a look in his eyes, one
that I've never seen.
I didn't want him at my place
because he seemed so mean.

I tried to find him a place to go
and to lay his head down.
He wasn't friendly at all nor did
his face cover up his frown.

He insisted that he was told by
someone to move into my place.
I tried to run him away instead
he punched me in the face.

I asked why was he here stepping
into my household.
The rider said that he was there to
cause me pain and to take control.

I stood there wondering to myself
is this little guy for real.
He replied; I'll hurt you forever and
the joy you have, I'm going to steal.

So he forced his way in and at the
table he grab himself a chair.
He called himself Satan, the master
of destruction, misery and despair.

A letter came this week that touched my heart,
a man wrote and said he didn't believe in God.
It took the wind out of me because of my beliefs,
striking the core of my soul like a lighting rod.

There is no God, that's what the letter so boldly said
but he never asked me what did I believe.
The power of the words and the affects it had on me
stopped me dead in my tracks, I couldn't proceed.

An opinion wasn't offered to fill me in as to why I
should see things his way.
Maybe he doesn't understand fully that I have a
reason to believe God wakes me up everyday.

Clearly this letter is making it's point by trying to
tell me that I'm the one whose being misled.
But the author doesn't know that it's because of my
God that I have a roof over my head.

TO  BE CONTINUED