She surrounded herself with
nothing but pain and fear.
Her greatest pleasures in life
was to stab like a spear.

Her veins flowed with nothing
because she was always cold.
The smallest of life was ripped
from her body only to be sold.

A potential for greatness she
totally lacked the skill.
Everything that crossed her path
was destroyed and killed.

At the very end of her walkway
the lights are always dark.
She presents the world with smiles
but she has a black heart.

Her wardrobes glitters with fake
diamonds and gold plated lies.
Holding a silver cup to her mouth
swallowing spoil milk and flies.

The audience claps loudly as she
bows down with grace.
Accepting their cheers without
seeing the pain on their faces.

disturbed by madness created
by someone other than i.
furiously taken and shaken
by the tears i have to cry.

there's a hole in the wall and
it's created by me.
punched as a sign of relief
it's not happening for me.

terrible this thing that lingers
inside and i cannot escape.
the  damaged delight has taken
many forms and triangle shapes.

stand hand and hand with the
devil if he's not willing to go.
he's directing the steps i take
pulling me closer more and more.

I'm sorry sister that I couldn't be there
to keep you much alive.
I hope that you didn't suffer much
I hope Jesus stood before your eyes.

Some of us may never know why you
had to get up and walk away.
But God said that He'll be looking out
for you just call him during the day.

Rest in peace and peace be with you
as you journey on your way.
Remember us all who's left behind
for you we're continue to pray.

God left a memory of you for us to
cherish all along the way.
When you reach the gates of heaven
send us a message to say that it's okay.

Sometimes a man never escapes
the deeds of the pass.
Sometimes the sorrows of today
they leave too fast.

Sometimes a man fall far to short
of his everlasting dream.
Sometimes the visions in his eyes
are never quite like they seem.

Sometimes a man can get lost and
and he can never find joy.
Sometimes reasoning isn't considered
to be the greatest of ploy.

Sometimes man follow another man's
path only to be mislead.
Sometimes there are signs that warn
to stop before the danger ahead.

the torture of doubt stampedes
the mind sometimes.
it has destroyed many lives and
brought about so many crimes.

doubt churns and churns and digs
deep into a man's soul.
many may think they can outlast its
wits only to end up losing control.

doubt has taken down groups in
packs and/or singled some out.
it has wipe clean the heart's of lovers
leaving an empty heart without.

you can be happy and suddenly
doubt seeks to make it's change.
it has so much hidden power to
cause a bright mind to suffer derange.

in exercising the rights of what most men want.
joy, independence and a way to make a living.
to be strong and to be able to hold on whenever
the northern winds decide to blow.

the northern wind blows and you know how cold
it can be at times. we need the shelter for protection.
a wall to hide behind when everything else that's pushing
us around seems to give away but not this wall.

it's tough and it has a job to do and that is to break the man
of weakness but the wall would rather you take it on because
it's designed to build character in all men who's brave enough
to fall into place at the right time and your protection will be granted.

blow wind blow, give it all you've got because here I stand as a man who has faced the tidal waves of the coldest seas yet I refuse to let it
take me down.

a good man who's down on his luck you can best believe that when that old northerner starts to blow again, you can look forward to meet another and greater challenge.

I fell out of this chair because
I just wanted to believe in all

you've said to me

all you've read to me

and even the pain you've

caused me.

I can no longer believe in
you because I can't get back

into this chair

because you lied

to me

but not only to me

you lied

by taking the

life of

my child.

I sit down on the floor

because you think

that it's cute.

how many acid raindrops have fallen
from the open skies up above.
how many people live today without
knowing the meaning of true love.

how many tears are formed in the eyes
of a man each and every day.
how many people try to use their voice
but never having a good word to say.

how many years have gone by since the
beginning of the good times.
how many neighborhoods can count the
days when there was no crime.

how many clean rushing streams are there
that actually find their way.
how many children walk the streets without
having a pillow for their head to lay.

how many times will man **** another man
just for the sake of his own greed.
how many years will continue to go by before
we destroy the only world we need.

my mind is somewhere but
my heart can't find it.
thoughts are ruling my head
but i'm being mislead.

i don't like who i am and it's
a pretty **** shame.
i can't seem to find or choose
which me i want to be.

my thoughts aren't clean and
i'm madder than hell.
to be wise is something that
i've loss long ago.

mentally the brain it's a cold
round empty ball.
an open field filled with empty
thoughts which are unpleasing.

defeated is what it is and it's has
a surreal way of taking over me.
there's no love there's no joy and
within i have no peace.

the ghost of past civil unrest
seem to linger everywhere.
the just always pay the price
for others who just don't care.

riots are formed by the mouth
by those who seek fame.
yet there's a death that is the
past of an forgotten name.

tragedies comes about and it
crosses every color line.
yet the scars of yesterday are
never far behind.

tensions flare and words are
spoken to ignite the flames.
to the political and the leaders
it just another game.

nobody has an answer for all
the pain and the sorrow.
yet the books are already open
just waiting for tomorrow.

the hinges are tight and the
door won't open.
the windows are all broken,
open to unwanted drafts.

years of paint has peeled and
has long faded away.
morning dew creeps in before
rays of sun evaporates it.

the walls are hollow and are
about to decay.
the once strong foundation
has slowly chipped away.

nobody comes by anymore
to chat of worldly things.
the identification has been
altered and lost forever.

Trouble always seem to poison my day.
If there's a way out I can't find my way.
Trust they say and never have doubts.
Is this truly what life is all about?

The sun up there in these big blue skies.
Doesn't shine on me to dry my tearful eyes.
Birds fly over my head never making a sound.
I never miss the puddles on this old wet ground.

Why don't I get to miss the things of wrong?
When people sing why don't I hear their song?
Candles burn at night without leaving me light.
The moon disappears in the middle of the night.

The mental aspect of it all it seems to get worst.
Rivers running all around me I still have a thirst.
Wanting to leave it all behind I can't find my way.
God teach me and lead me to paths for a better day.

everything has turned upside down
i can't find rest and i can't find peace.
the old world that i grew up knowing
has left me behind and no longer cease.

i'm  frustrated, i'm mortified, i'm penniless
i don't have the *** to carry my weight.
the numbness is so great within my soul
i cry because i have nothing to bare but mistakes.

i'm not myself anymore for so many days, nights
and for so many months and seasons.
i can't feel the hands of God reaching out to guide
me and i can't help but wonder is there a reason.

my faith has all but faded quietly and wistful away
the guidelines of all the rules no longer exist for me.
i want them in front of me, i need their guidance
to lead me back to be the one God intended me to be.

i don't know who i am or who i was suppose to be.
i know that I'm trapped inside this cage of rage.
surrounded by lions and many other ravaging beast.
they sit, they watch just waiting for me to take the stage.

i have nothing to offer but the pain that lies within me
yet it's doing it's best to not allow me to express my needs
i'm broken, sad and the rest of my life has come to an halt
i have lost my will to be able to stand up to  make a plea to succeed.

i watch for her as she slowly
gets out of her car.
what goes through my mind
is how's her day so far.

she's battled through the day
surrounded by this disease.
this isn't a disease to put
anybody's mind to ease.

i pray for her as she walks out
to her car.
i have to remind my hero that
through it all she's my star.

my prayer to God is that He
reach out to keep her safe.
let her do her best to help
those who need her space.

trust in God more and more
each minute through the day.
He's made up His mind for
her so she'll be okay.

i cherish my hero for i know
she will do her best.
be proud to be the best to
help carry on the rest.

so i praise her, i love her and
i want her to be strong.
fight your battle graciously
and then you come on home.

we saw it at a distance
we didn't twice about it.
it wasn't our war to fight
so we let the fuses glow.

slowly the wind blew
death in our direction.
it came crawling slowly
it eventually open the door.

the panic button is round
it goes down with such ease.
when it reaches its destination
an explosion comes about.

life takes on a totally different
and new direction.
faith finds it's place like no
other times before.

lessons of the past still hasn't
found it's way.
future has no meanings until
we find the open door.

a hollow heart
nowhere to start
nobody is willing
to do their part.

a weary eye
a creepy sigh
faces startled as
they watch you cry.

a trembling hand
holding a reprimand
an unbalanced mind
nobody cares to understand.

a soul of scorn
trust truly unborn
a blissful heart
that's now been torn.

The days of green grass, white fences
are many miles behind.
The dreams of the good neighbors and
politics are so hard to find.

Nobody takes much notice of what it
takes to run the good race.
People refuse to help one another if
it takes up a lot of space.

Greed, self destruction and less loyalty
make up the golden rule.
Nobody seem to care anymore about
a child staying in school.

Run they say and catch as many *****
as you can.
Nobody wants to talk to a man unless
there's a million dollars in his hands.

Nobody can win a battle without the
willingness to fight until the end.
What good does it do for a man if he's
the one standing without a friend.

Some of them stood there talking bad
about me as the service went on.
They had nothing to say good about me,
they talked about the things I did wrong.

Some rushed the preacher to hurry up to
get this thing over with.
Instead of putting a rose on top of me
some could only conjure up spit.

Heaven they could only wish for me as the
choir sadly sang along.
Most of them wouldn't dare to wish me to
hell without clapping to a sad song.

Maybe the things they're saying about me
was the case I made for my own self.
Maybe most of them cried so many tears
when I was alive now they have none left.

They laughed and made jokes about my
mom because she broke down and cried.
Mostly all of them showed up at my funeral
to make sure that I had died.

Terror surrounds my house because
of the work she does.
I know she's the caring type and we
must go on, right or wrong.

It's not her fault nor is it the fault of
the man whose involved.
Our lives are at stake but to me it's
all for her, that's the amount of my love.

I cherish her because she means the
world to me and much more.
I have to do what I can for her and to
keep this enemy away from my door.

It's not her fault but she has to fight
this monster but not without me.
I'm willing to be the one who has to
face this monster but just set her free.

She's bold and beautiful and she's been
bless with courage from God.
I'll take on this terror to keep her safe by
asking God to not take our love apart.

So God I ask that You bring her home
safe and sound for me.
So that I can watch over and pamper her
until I know that she's finally free.

Somebody's standing in the window
and they're quietly watching me.
There's not a sign of any movement
but somebody is trying to see.

It's late at night and there's nothing
but darkness all around.
I can feel the presence of a stalker
and he's not making a sound.

Inside of my head he has a tight grip
and he holding me around my waist.
He's about to do something to make
another neighborhood case.

I tried to scream, fight and scratch but
I couldn't quite prevail.
He sent out an unwanted feeling of me
sinking down to the bottom of a well.

He's gotten the best of me and now it's  
much, much too late.
Mother told me to stay away from this
place because there was too much at stake.

The stalker's standing in front of me now
and there's nothing that I can do.
All of the things mother tried to tell me
they're all about to come true.

maybe the puzzles could be fixed if I only
knew where the right pieces are.
the jagged pieces won't fit if the corners
are all seemly square.

it's hard to keep forcing pieces to fit if they
won't match up.
kind of like trying to fit a big cardboard
box into an eight ounce cup.

the right pieces for my life to get back on
track I can't seem to find.
everything I need to focus on to feel good
it won't seep into my mind.

this heart of mind was made to become
all about the Lord and His joy.
the devil is playing me like a fool just to
make me his own personal toy.

i want out of the devil's game so that I
can find peace in my own game.
i need Jesus to lead me through this
by me calling on His name.

pick up the pieces Lord and help me
to fix my puzzled and confused life.
it's been said by so many others that
choosing you, you will make it right.

My many nights are cold, strange
and strangled by the devil.
Frustrations come easy and I feel
the presence of everything evil.

Angels are spoken of but they are
not talking to me.
Torment has it's claws buried inside
of me refusing to set me free.

Under my feet there's nothing to
walk on but painful spiking stones.
Cutting the skin from the bottoms
of my feet right down to the bones.

My soul is pierced and I feel like
I'm so desperately loss.
The devil is casting his spell on me,
he doesn't care about the cost.

The oceans of blue waters I've seen
they no longer exist.
The warmth of the rains I've felt has
now turned to a bitter cold mist.

Darkness covers up everything and
it's overtaken the light.
The master of evilness has stepped
in and taken away my will to fight.

I don't know myself anymore and
I'm too afraid to have hope.
I'm falling with a promise to find
nothing at the end of the *****.

I realized what I have in you, it's
more than I deserve to have.
Always having a very positive spirit
compared the negative one I have.

I often wonder why couldn't I be the
one who's there to carry you.
To fight for you on the days when you
feel as if you can't make it through.

I stand back when the crowds are there
to cheer you on.
I think about the tears you've cried on
days I've did you wrong.

The sacrifice you put yourself through
to keep our lives as one.
You've never said to me that you're not
the one who's having fun.

Your smile is worth more than the cost
of the coolest September day.
I just wished that we could stand out in
the rain and do nothing else but play.

When I was on top of the world you were
always there with me.
I couldn't really open up my eyes to truly
see that it was really you standing by me.

If you left today and never came back to
be my friend again.
I'll remember that it was me who was the
one who gave up my very best friend.

You were welcomed into my house at 23, like a baby
you came in expecting us to flush the *****.
A 23 year old man whose not so classy at all, even my
9 year old knows to clean her nose if it's snotty.

She's 9 and I don't have to go ask her to clean up her room.
But here you are a grown a$$ man with your mother having
to call and telling us to close the door to keep us from seeing
how ***** and nasty that you kept your room.

My 9 year old granddaughter don't sleep in the bed all day and
on weekends to keep from doing anything around the house.
She didn't wait until 11:00 p.m. while we were sleeping to go into
our kitchen scrounging for food just like a little mouse.

You're a 23 year old man using our car to get to work daily while my
wife,(your aunt) is out in the rain catching the bus.
You didn't have a problem using anything we offered you for free,
problems only came when we ask you to come and help us.

You expected my wife to cut the yard while you go hide in your
room pretending to be in the bed.
You weren't going to disrespect my household and I don't care what
anybody said.

I had to tell you when to clean up your room and at 23 you still
couldn't comprehend on just how to do that.
The problem is you're a nasty, ***** punk, a spoil and selfish brat
at the age of 23 and that's the only and honest fact.

You weren't paying any bills at our house but you'd get mad when
we'd ask you to help cut the grass.
When you weren't using our car you'll run in the room and turn out the lights and claim to be asleep so fast.

If the girls you were dating only knew that you wouldn't clean the bathtub before and after you took a bath.
They would probably push you away if they knew that you covered
and drown yourself with half a perfume flask.

You are lazy and that's just the way you are and it's just a matter of
time before you lose your job.
Written up for being late 35 times and you're blaming Lowe's as if
they are doing you wrong like the claims you make about us.

We didn't do you wrong because we talked to you about it but now I see why your mother and dad wanted you gone.
You're slow minded and think you know it all but you can't figure it out, a sorry momma's boy and you're never be on your on.

I know the difference between you and my 9 year old granddaughter
and that difference is what I call the IQ.
You can't figure your way out of an old wet paper bag, you're 23 years
old and disrespectful and that's all you have going for you.

Oh! by the way we didn't ask you for any money we just ask that you clean your room and to help cut the grass.
Your money was for you to save and buy yourself a car but "Jordan's"
were more important to you because you wanted to take us fast.

I see what your parents probably seen in you but they won't and refuse to tell you like I will.
You're sorry, spoiled, and lazy and expected me to treat you like a baby
but us raising a 23 year old man just isn't my kind of deal.

You're bad mouthing us and Lowe's employees as if others really want to hear what's coming from your mouth.
If you want them to know a good story why not start by telling them
the reasons why I had to truly put you out.

I put in my time only to find that
I'm not getting anything back.
Besides that nobody wanted to hear
my thoughts and that's a fact.

Solutions offered on daily basis and
that's about all I can do.
Words are being spoken out loud but
I'm not hearing anything from you.

You're just standing there in my way
when you should be moving.
You claim that you have it all under
control but you don't know what
you're doing.

I've done all I can to be your very best friend
You turn your back and walk away.
I ask you if you need me to help you but
you only continue to push me away.

My time is short and I need an answer so
will you please show some respect.
I'm being patient with you and there is
nothing you're doing but only making
making me have regrets.

Some people think they own you
if they open the door for you.
They watch your every step, they
keep an keen eye on you.

They wait for you to respond to
every demand they make.
They want it right now and they
don't care what it takes.

It's not about how much they care
for you, that's not in the plan.
They did something for you and they
expect you understand.

Nothings free anymore you brought
this down on yourself.
They will take, take, take away from
you until you have nothing left.

It's been a couple of days now and I'm
still thinking about that letter.
There's nothing within the lines I've
read that could make me feel better.

I've tossed and I've turned trying to make
myself come to an understanding.
Why would a man want me to believe his
way of thinking and to be so demanding.

Why would he want me to excuse and to
remove the God that I believe in.
Would he want me to walk away from a
God who I claim as a true friend.

Maybe the words written on this letter
wasn't what he really wanted to say.
Maybe the author of the letter wanted
to know if I've truly found my way.

I can only tell the author that the roads
will still have the pitfalls up ahead.
His letter is a prime example for me to
keep pushing on and not to be mislead.

So as I pray for the letter writer and I
wish him the very best.
God promised that the roads to heaven
will sometimes start with a test.

A letter came this week that touched my heart,
a man wrote and said he didn't believe in God.
It took the wind out of me because of my beliefs,
striking the core of my soul like a lighting rod.

There is no God, that's what the letter so boldly said
but he never asked me what did I believe.
The power of the words and the affects it had on me
stopped me dead in my tracks, I couldn't proceed.

An opinion wasn't offered to fill me in as to why I
should see things his way.
Maybe he doesn't understand fully that I have a
reason to believe God wakes me up everyday.

Clearly this letter is making it's point by trying to
tell me that I'm the one whose being misled.
But the author doesn't know that it's because of my
God that I have a roof over my head.

TO  BE CONTINUED

What happens when the teargas takes
to the sky and finally disappear.
The fact remains that nothing has changed,
you still have chaos and the taste of fear.

Riots unfold and the looting begins and
the turmoil seem to have no ending.
A mother is somewhere in a closet crying
and her heart has no way of mending.

Everything about life has now been changed
and a total package of disarray.
People shouting from the rooftops and saying
nothing, because they have nothing to say.

Fingers are pointed in all directions without
trying to figure the problems out.
Words are spoken emotionally as the tears fall
down leaving a trail of nothing but doubt.

There was always a full house to hear
the preacher preach on Sunday.
Nobody wanted to be around to hear
the words he spoke on Monday.

Fussing and cussing at the top of his
voice he yelled.
If the spirit of Jesus was in him then
nobody could tell.

He sung mighty songs of glory on Sunday
and out singing the choir.
Couldn't stand to see the wife on Monday
because he had another desire.

She danced to the music as the pianist
hit all the right keys.
Praising the Lord this Sunday morning
asking God to supply her needs.

Monday afternoon when all the blessings
finally came through.
The praise dancer was hanging out in the
juke junk drinking and smoking *** too.

Sunday mornings you couldn't beat these
two trying to get in the first shout.
Rushing to get this day over with, so they
could see what Monday was all about.

Bored as one can be, oh yes that's me
frustrated without a second thought.
Really, if you seriously want to know I
blame myself, oh yeah it's my fault.

I can't quite find my way, I can't quite seem
to find my very own prayer.
I can't see the good side of my face anymore
I look in the mirror I can only find a stare.

All notions have been tested, oh! yes that's me
searching from the bottom all the way to the top.
Quickly sliding further down toward the bottom
of the pit and I just can't stop.

My lion like spirit has taken on quite a beating
Oh! yes these are my tears.
What's happening with all those prayers that
I've stored up for years.

Shout at me and it's okay for anybody who
wants to go all out and scream.
Oh! yes it me and I'm looking for somebody
to wake me up from this old bad dream.

God help me to get out of this
awful rut.
Remove the insanity from my
head before I go nuts.

Give me a sign Lord by speaking,
remind that you're still here.
Satan's forces are attacking me again,
defend me God take away my fear.

Break these chains that's binding and
and torturing my soul.
The bearings of all my sins are a bit
much to continue to hold.

Forgive me God for the sins that I
formed against your will.
Give me peace inside and the wiliness
to seek your cross upon the hill.

She's living with a man and he's
not doing anything for her.
Except making himself scarce,
his presence is always a blur.

She calls me when she need things
and I'm suppose to understand.
He's the baby's daddy but he's not
willing to be the man.

I don't talk to her much now and
I think I know why.
I'm not making money anymore
so she told my heart goodbye.

I got caught up in an accident and
for me everything had to change.
She's taking it personal by acting
real strange.

I thought we were going to be the
best of the best.
She's saying love without the money
she can now care less.

My love hasn't change for them and
I'm the same old man.
All I want to do is see my kids and
she doesn't care to understand.

During all of the trials and tribulations
God was always standing close to me.
Even in the darkness of all those days
He shined His light for me to see.

He created me because He knew that
I would always need His help.
He created a bridge over the troubled
waters to protect my every step.

He provided constant shelter on all the
days when I felt cold.
He waves His hands in mysterious ways
to bring a new fire into my soul.

How could anybody deny all of the good
that He has done.
For if there is someone for us to count on
then Jesus is the one.

He has no guilt about what He does for
the likes of me and you.
For Jesus is the one and only whose has
a love for us that's genuine and true.

When I take a walk back down
memory lane.
I think about all the things that
I did that were so insane.

I can hear keys clinging when the
the guards locked my cell.
Teardrops conquering in my head
when I didn't get any mail.

Marathons of drug use without an
extra moment to spare.
I see my kid being aborted by a mother
who just didn't care.

How and why God spared me to
be living today.
I guess it's to help somebody else
who can't find their way.

If that's the reason then I really don't
have anything to regret.
I travel back down these lost roads
because I don't want to forget.

Forgiveness I seek from God because
of the things I didn't understand.
He's giving me another chance to be
a completely different kind of man.

I worry too much about things and
I let it get inside my head.
I can't travel in the right directions,
I go the opposite way instead.

I lose faith in everything and it's
just the way I live.
I give out in the middle of the road
because I have nothing more to give.

I search for the tunnel that will have
the shining light.
Only to find that the daytime hours
have been taken over by the night.

I've been beaten and destroyed by
a force that I can't figure out.
If there's any good left in me it's
taken away by lot's of doubt.

I stand at the bottom of mountains
without finding a way to the top.
Reading signs along the way and
they all say "STOP".

How can I find my way if I'm afraid
to take the chance.
How can I stop boulders from knocking
me down if I don't make a stance.

I didn't talk to God today and
I don't quite understand why.
He woke me up to see a brand new
day when He could have let me die.

I didn't consider the price He paid
for me to live from day to day.
I didn't see His blessings when things
could have been a different way.

He kept clothes on my back, and two
shoes on my feet.
I didn't bother to say thanks for giving
me food to eat.

I took for granted that it was He who
keeps a roof over my head.
He tried to remind me of these things,
I didn't hear a word He said.

He still offers me forgiveness for the
terrible way I act.
Leaving the gates open to His heart
just waiting for me to come back.

Rotten to the core mentally and the pain never
seem to go away.
Nights are spent wondering how much more of
this unwanted pleasure am I having to take.

There's no escaping this no matter how hard I try
there's nothing about this that seems discreet.
I'm seeking answers but they all seem to pass me by
the pain is more intense it's causing me not to sleep.

I'm miserable, I need a miracle or something magical
that will eventually get me away from this.
It burns inside of me like an old match with an open flame,
burning me at its own will, burning me insane.

**** me now to release me from the agony and this despair,
point me to places where I find some kind of release.
I'm searching for understanding and hope, and almost anything
that could give my mind some peace.

My arms hurt, my legs hurt and the pain is moving from my toes
straight down to the bottom of my feet.
Somebody get me some help because I'm a tired old man who's
giving up and my eyes are beginning to weep.

Everything is at an void, my mind,
my heart,my thoughts, my soul.
On the days when everything should
matter, those days I lose control.

Good times and happiness should be
everything, right now I feel so weak.
I've been elevated to the head of the class
lost, tormented and labeled as meek.

My heart has been ripped up and tossed
aside, for I feel like I've been scorned.
Investigating the size of this ******* hole
the more I find that it's been torn.

Help is just around the corner that's what
the political correct like to say.
I call out to them but still nothing changes
because they can't fit me into their day.

Sleep didn't quite find it's way to me last night
I felt crushed by nothing but a great deal of pain
Aching all over my body from my head to my toes
Beginning to feel like I'm going mentally insane.

No way to escape these hurt feelings so I'm being told
No cures, no instructions or any such easy ways out
Doctors aren't particular or sure on how this will end
No such clues or any directions to what this is all about.

Suffering from morning through the middle of nights
Affecting my mind, my body and taking over my soul
Extremities malfunctions and the stinging under the skin  
Causes me to cringe unwillingly and to lose all control.

Loss within myself because of the endless pile of sorrow
Gratitude for the good life ends with nothing but grief
Fighting this battle and all the fictitious stories of hope
Grasping for any moments that spell any signs of relief.

I'm standing in the middle of the park
watching and waiting in despair.
Cars are blowing their horns at me
I wave back as if I really care.

There's nothing to do except waste time
on another glorious day.
Searching for reasons or an excuse to not
work, instead I'd rather play.

I lay back on the grass as it dances with the
rhythms of the wind.
Singing songs with the birds and praying
that this day never end.

The closet door is close and I can't get out
Seeing only darkness with no light in sight
I keep running away from you and you won't let go
The grip you have on me, it's so unjustly tight.

When I walk outside to see the world as it is
All I can see in my eyes are so many tears
Things you took for granted and by misleading me
A sorrow I've been living with for so many years.

You bring up all the things that only you believe
The perks that you falsely behold and selfishly proclaim
You talk about things that I was force to live without
Like the ****** of my unborn child who has no name.

Outside this closet you're so impatiently waiting on me
With greed, animosity, and your only engraved trophy
The story of your backward and twisted unforgiving life
Only cherished by you to be your only fame and glory.

Darkness can't take away this hurtful pain
so I try to picture colors at night.
I try to mingle outside during the day but
I can't stand to be in the light.

A cloud of color is moving inside of my head
so I feel like I'm on cloud number nine.
There's a terror of realizing who I am today,
the new me is bound to be very unkind.

Confusion is the new normal day and there
is nothing better after dark.
Depression becomes the colorful new vehicle
that can never be taken out of park.

Dull colors constantly take away the energy
that's suppose to be a brand new day.
Leaving the remnants of a broken dream and
a body of decay.

There is no way to get away from the colors
that this world forces you to see.
Unless the forces of the God lead us down
a path that uncovers the hidden key.

Isolated from the world as time
floats quietly away.
Having to deal with an abundance
of pain every single day.

Memories of perfect days are surely
bound to be loss.
Like facing the wrath of a tidal wave
you're bound to be tossed.

Peace seem to fade away suddenly
and at a very rapid pace.
Leaving the frown of uncertainties
stamped across the face.

When others of the world are happy
and floating happily along.
This monstrosity can cause the soul
of a victim to feel all alone .

Mysteries are things we sometimes
never figure out.
Why do some say the keys to the world
are only love, hate and doubt.

Why are things off limits to some of us
and totally free to so many others.
How can a man love himself only to
end up hating his brothers.

What is the answer to a question that
has never been asked.
How can anybody have a future without
having a past.

Why are so many people out searching
for a tomorrow of change.
When the tidal waves of the human race
are so easy to rearrange.

What are the mysteries of a day that can
only be seen at night.
Why does wrong seem to override the
things that are suppose to be right.

It's about time that I speak about
you and the things that you do.
It starts about the silly little things
that I put you through.

If pain was caused by anybody, it
was all caused by me.
It was always you who hung in to
show me how things should be.

I owe you the world and I owe you
more than that.
I've even taken things from you that
I could never give you back.

Strong and courageous, these words
are meant to define only you.
You're the one who's teaching me that
real love can be true.

You're grounded with strength and a
heart that's made of gold.
You're the one who has the right to be
loved to your soul.

You've shown me that you are a woman
and deserved to be treated as such.
When it comes to having an amount of
love for you I have so much.

Selfishness can't be found in your heart
no matter what you seem to do.
The Lord blesses many men like me
to have someone just like you.

Imagine being on an island
and when you look up you
realize that the sun is black.

rusty, dusty and tarnished,
boy don't i really feel old.
foggy, hateful and mad and
i won't do what i'm told.

crazy, slow and selfish to all
who stands in my way.
nights don't mean a thing to
me and neither does the day.

no more youthfulness and i
ache all the time.
perfumes i never use and to
me i'm doing just fine.

why should i read a book or
even try to spell.
i know it all anyway, so all of
you can go to (guess).

i don't have to be afraid of not
living to see the age of 21.
it's all about my anger, that's
what i call having fun.

so if i die this minute, do you
really think i care.
my heart beats slow without
extra time to spare.

lunatic, stupid and fearless
right down to the core.
living to be a senior doesn't
really matter anymore.

Unwanted pain greets in the morning
as the sun rises slowly in the sky.
Uneasy waters traveled across, without
a real reason or understanding why.

Time has been turned upside down and
minutes are wasting hastily away.
The nights are purple and the hours of
the morning turn quickly to a black veiled day.

Memories of the way life use to be are
slowly taken over by grief and pain.
The mind is greatly held hostage by
a huge unbroken chain.

There are many storms to cross out in
this uncertain and open sea.
Its something you learn to live with,
there's no other way to be.

Batten down your hatches and make
sure to close that open door.
This ship may never find the entry to
another refuged shore.

There is no way to escape this fog and
its angry purple haze.
If this sinking ship lands at home again
it will only find black veiled days.

I want a brand new Cadillac and I
really don't like them, and that's a fact.
Maybe I'll get my girl one that's painted pink
maybe I'll freestyle for me with weird painted ink.
I want leather seats to help warm my cold ****, the
steering wheel needs adjusting to fit over my gut.
I want it fully loaded, radio, gps and the white walls
including a custom made phone to make all of my calls.
22in. rims are too high for me to be rolling on alone
but I need to feel that the engine is pushing really strong.
Give me the best that Cadillac has to make, I
just got to have me one just for the name sake.
I don't know if I should lean to the right or the left
right now all I need is a Cadillac all to myself.
Money's no object that's what some of us would say, just
driving the Cadillac brand seems to be the American way.