When I take a walk back down
memory lane.
I think about all the things that
I did that were so insane.

I can hear keys clinging when the
the guards locked my cell.
Teardrops conquering in my head
when I didn't get any mail.

Marathons of drug use without an
extra moment to spare.
I see my kid being aborted by a mother
who just didn't care.

How and why God spared me to
be living today.
I guess it's to help somebody else
who can't find their way.

If that's the reason then I really don't
have anything to regret.
I travel back down these lost roads
because I don't want to forget.

Forgiveness I seek from God because
of the things I didn't understand.
He's giving me another chance to be
a completely different kind of man.

I worry too much about things and
I let it get inside my head.
I can't travel in the right directions,
I go the opposite way instead.

I lose faith in everything and it's
just the way I live.
I give out in the middle of the road
because I have nothing more to give.

I search for the tunnel that will have
the shining light.
Only to find that the daytime hours
have been taken over by the night.

I've been beaten and destroyed by
a force that I can't figure out.
If there's any good left in me it's
taken away by lot's of doubt.

I stand at the bottom of mountains
without finding a way to the top.
Reading signs along the way and
they all say "STOP".

How can I find my way if I'm afraid
to take the chance.
How can I stop boulders from knocking
me down if I don't make a stance.

I didn't talk to God today and
I don't quite understand why.
He woke me up to see a brand new
day when He could have let me die.

I didn't consider the price He paid
for me to live from day to day.
I didn't see His blessings when things
could have been a different way.

He kept clothes on my back, and two
shoes on my feet.
I didn't bother to say thanks for giving
me food to eat.

I took for granted that it was He who
keeps a roof over my head.
He tried to remind me of these things,
I didn't hear a word He said.

He still offers me forgiveness for the
terrible way I act.
Leaving the gates open to His heart
just waiting for me to come back.

Rotten to the core mentally and the pain never
seem to go away.
Nights are spent wondering how much more of
this unwanted pleasure am I having to take.

There's no escaping this no matter how hard I try
there's nothing about this that seems discreet.
I'm seeking answers but they all seem to pass me by
the pain is more intense it's causing me not to sleep.

I'm miserable, I need a miracle or something magical
that will eventually get me away from this.
It burns inside of me like an old match with an open flame,
burning me at its own will, burning me insane.

**** me now to release me from the agony and this despair,
point me to places where I find some kind of release.
I'm searching for understanding and hope, and almost anything
that could give my mind some peace.

My arms hurt, my legs hurt and the pain is moving from my toes
straight down to the bottom of my feet.
Somebody get me some help because I'm a tired old man who's
giving up and my eyes are beginning to weep.

Everything is at an void, my mind,
my heart,my thoughts, my soul.
On the days when everything should
matter, those days I lose control.

Good times and happiness should be
everything, right now I feel so weak.
I've been elevated to the head of the class
lost, tormented and labeled as meek.

My heart has been ripped up and tossed
aside, for I feel like I've been scorned.
Investigating the size of this ******* hole
the more I find that it's been torn.

Help is just around the corner that's what
the political correct like to say.
I call out to them but still nothing changes
because they can't fit me into their day.

Sleep didn't quite find it's way to me last night
I felt crushed by nothing but a great deal of pain
Aching all over my body from my head to my toes
Beginning to feel like I'm going mentally insane.

No way to escape these hurt feelings so I'm being told
No cures, no instructions or any such easy ways out
Doctors aren't particular or sure on how this will end
No such clues or any directions to what this is all about.

Suffering from morning through the middle of nights
Affecting my mind, my body and taking over my soul
Extremities malfunctions and the stinging under the skin  
Causes me to cringe unwillingly and to lose all control.

Loss within myself because of the endless pile of sorrow
Gratitude for the good life ends with nothing but grief
Fighting this battle and all the fictitious stories of hope
Grasping for any moments that spell any signs of relief.

I'm standing in the middle of the park
watching and waiting in despair.
Cars are blowing their horns at me
I wave back as if I really care.

There's nothing to do except waste time
on another glorious day.
Searching for reasons or an excuse to not
work, instead I'd rather play.

I lay back on the grass as it dances with the
rhythms of the wind.
Singing songs with the birds and praying
that this day never end.