what if,
out of the increasingly smaller amount of the women that could love you in this world,
she was the absolute best you could of had.
That way you can just pass it off as just yet another life mistake made by Jonathan Xxxxx



*Summer2012

What I don't understand is why I still hold, and have, my love for each of you. You are no longer in my life, but I know I could hold you and it would feel normal.

'I still find pieces of your presence here' -(words from "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" - Colin Hay)



*Summer2012

The inadvertent sigh at the sign of affection.
Twisting old reality of confused yet knowingly wrong experiences into memories that I want to live again.

I sometimes like being alone...but I still fall asleep whispering her name.



*Spring2012

I like to re read in order to legitimize my demise.
I normally drown out those hiccups of memories with turrets like mania,
shouting out names of dreams from too long ago.

But the few that are able make it out, make it here.



*Summer2012

I don't fit into most of the worlds I have seen.
I experience and reflect things that are normally shied upon.
Words I use frighten even my loved ones.
I am the proof of difference.
Because of this, I can't even dream of where I want to be.



*Spring2012

My thoughts blind me,
taking me back to the postcards of those few moments where it all made sense.
'Once I had'... everything...but only in my head.

A naked memory, a warm glance.
Images in time that I keep to remind me.

To all of you, don't forget me
...or do...
at this point I have already become just a man who only can reminisce.

A man, with a few words, he just mumbles over and over to remind him that once, he HAD.

Capable,
able,
desiring always.

                                            


*Winter2011

I have so many beautiful memories of all of you, you and me.
So many soft kisses, looking up smiles, eyes closed words.
Moments that can mean nothing to you but will always remain everything to me.
I appreciate the love albeit ultimately insignificant.
In a sense, I will always feel a villain stealing those smiles out of memories of us
but in my world they are purposeful and the reason why we live.

Thank you my loves.



*Fall2011