free
what does that mean to me?
it means not being ashamed of what I see in me
sure I stumble, sure I fall
but I get back up ready to face it all
I do have regrets that I can never forget
but that's not stopping me from taking a breath
or living my life despite struggle and strife
I've had it hard, had it easy
some days are dark some days they please me
and you've had good and bad days too
like others around you
around us, we're everywhere
sometimes we're selfish, ignorant, sometimes we care
just not at the same time and not the same place
we see things from different perspectives different mind states
one thing I know well is that to be free you must forgive
let go of your anger and let others live
have faith that justice will come in it's due time
you can't put out a flame with fire but you can be kind
to those who do you wrong
remember the silent can be strong
if we all gave in to anger, sought revenge, and hurt each other
can there be peace with our fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters?
I can contain the pain I feel
even if it means crying to the God who hears
some people have no one to cry to
they feel unloved so they show no love to others too
we can't force others to show love
but we can be the one to show them that that is what we're made of

well it seems I forgot how to rhyme
so it’s back to writing basic lines
though I cannot be confined
by simple words and bars
I got to use ideas to set the mind free
and understand this poetry is a piece of what’s inside of me
it’s not an outer shell or disguise
what others think doesn’t matter
what I think shouldn’t matter
rather
it’s what I feel that matter’s most
emotion is the soul of a poem
without it it’s just an empty dome
a skull without a mind
a painter who is blind
now my eyes have opened
and now i can see
that to write poetry
is more than just words and rhymes
it’s the revealing of the soul
the person deep inside

as I sink into this quicksand of sadness
the silence seems to seep into the mind
it’s madness
before I know it I’m lost in the blackness
surrounded by the dead once again
it’s back to lifelessness and darkness
it’s then I get detached from reality
I feel like I’m submerged under the sea
holding my breath for an eternity
slowly sinking into a never ending abyss
wishing I did not ever exist
that’s when the Last Enemy strikes
whispering in my ear giving me wicked advice
like if I should’ve never been born
then why not end my life?
“it’ll only take a little while”
“it’ll only last forever”
“it’ll only hurt a little while”
“it’s now! it’s now! or never!”
there I am staring at the mirror
tears in my eyes wishing I could see clearer
about to take my own life away
will this be my last day?
more questions come and fear grips my heart
what if I wake up tomorrow in a hospital bed
with more pain than what was at the start?
what if I wake and see loved ones with tears in their eyes?
and instead of having peace I’d have broken all their hearts?
these thoughts were enough to make me go even more insane!
I cried even harder at these thoughts
I cried so hard the pain grew stronger
I cannot go on living like this any longer
so with all my might I prayed to God
and begged him please if you’re really there
then show me at least that you care
and give me hope please make me stronger
I cannot run from pain any longer
it was then I slept into a slumber
and dreamt of peace and forgot my blunders
and then the darkness was gone and the storm was over
and for this I thank the Lord Jehovah

I loved a faceless woman
In the shadowy dark
The touch of her skin
Was a healing to my heart

Slowly she let me in her
She was infinitely deep
She gives me peace
When i fall asleep

Excuse me miss
Have we met before?

I noticed you
By your mothers store

You shook my heart
My very core

When we parted ways
I was very sore

Now that youre gone
I dont feel no more

If you are reading this
Then please know

That my heart
For you

Is an
Open door