I like you more than anything that I could ever hope to become.
I want to see you one day on the movie screens and smile
I want to see your face on a billboard and think thank goodness, thank goodness,
That not all of the good die young.

Let me tell you something:

You are worth more than the roses

You are worth more than anything he gives you,

More than kind words and compliments

More than loss and heartache

Let me tell you something:

You are worth more than the roses they will throw at your feet when you win and they do not

Worth more than the fake love and the crocodile smiles

Let me tell you something:

I can’t tell you how much you are worth to yourself

And I can’t make you see that you are worth even more than that

But to me, I can promise you this-

You are worthy of the world.

And so I hope that you take nothing less

Beg for forgiveness where there's none to be found

He says: do not ask me for mercy, I am no god

yet he certainly bleeds like one

Red and red and red
all over his bruised knuckles;
the price of freedom
the riot in patriot.

Cracked mirrors on a Sunday
cracked bones on a Monday
will Tuesday be cracked teeth
or is that his off-day?
Do gods take off-days?

He's on his knees, now,  
offering up squinted-eye smiles
I am no god
He promises, parting the sea of peace, anyway

Perhaps gods never set out to be divine
perhaps they do not know who they even are
since peace and war mean nothing to them

It's the human condition, to hurt.
He hurts all the time, you can see it in his shoulders
in the way he bleeds

Red and red and red
just like a god.

Raindrops on the toe tips of brown leather shoes

It smells like I should be inside, reading.

She comes in a jeep I know well
and when she and I collide in a hug,
the engine still running
I can see the old thing winking at me like it knows
she is the steadiest ******* this planet

A fellow sunshine swallower
she chews up the moon
and eats the mountains, too
eats up all the blackness in  my chest, too

Two schools states away
she hugs the same, always.

Some things, the soul cannot forget, no matter how the hard the heart practicality begs it to
things like black motor oil water
like freckles against light green eyes
like the last time I saw her, the last time there were raindrops
on the toes of my brown leather shoes
and she drove away in that jeep
and I got on a plane

There is no other pain like heartbreak.

Heartbreak is not falling out of love, it is not loneliness
It is the addition of somebody else’s story in your mouth, with no one to tell it to;
Silence in it's worst form.

But as she stands here, holding me, it is quiet
quiet relief

Imagine it:
Raindrops on the toe tips of brown leather shoes
the smell of a grey afternoon
an old jeep
and a girl



--But she is states away again, today--

liquid steel, I swear to you, it's what runs in your veins
You bleed silver and grey
Bending and changing
Hot mettle burning out all of your insecurities
Filling the vacancies they leave with something stronger-
And that's what life does to us, right?
Takes the soft vulnerable parts
Makes them mean
Makes them strong
Like you are.
Strong.
Strong as steel
Rough and tumble
The stuff they make steam engines with
the stuff used to build bridges
to build machines.
Take out your heart, it's the last soft thing left after your smile
After your eyes
Fill the hole in your chest with that steel that replaced your blood
You are not a nice person
But at least you won't be broken.

Yeah well here's what you are-

Cold blooded

Gold blooded

They cut you on the truth and I swear I've never seen such golden youth flow from anyone's veins

Like ice water over a burn

You laugh it off, your voice cracks, body turned grey

You polish yourself on lies

You little gold blooded freak

And if that's all you ever are

It's still something.

There’s a story about Calypso or maybe it’s a legend
or maybe it’s religion

Daughter of a Titan, seducer of a hero
Maybe she was actually the hero

Must it always be about princesses and dragons, girls and ogres?

Anyway, we’re the dragons and the princesses tonight
Summer whites instead of white
wedding gowns-

There’s a bachelorette party a few tables down and the bride looks uncomfortably close to my age

The four of us, the dragon girls, around the table

There’s a story about sisterhood
or maybe it’s a legend
or maybe it’s religion

Daughters of regular men and students of 4 different subjects, citizens of three different countries between us

Sounds like a bad bar joke: a Romanian, two Americans, and a Chinese citizen walk into a restaurant on a Saturday night...

We laugh at ourselves before the punch line hits (and these young women actually liked themselves!)

When you’re the princess, ogre, dragon, girl
When you’re the prize, villain, hero
you get to have all the fun. That’s the secret to all this, I think: have all the fun you can

Have all you can. Have all of it. Be all of it. Complex human beings with complexes of our own behind our eyes- we laugh

The bachelorette party orders more alcohol

China and Romania plan their trip to Greece for spring break over
the side salads and
COVID-19 travel restrictions
Americans try their best to help navigate the travel website

Imagine this: history happens and we live through it anyway.

We plan through it anyway.

Once upon a time, Calypso trapped Odysseus.

That’s the way the story goes, anyway, but every dragon knows
men only come to the lair looking for a prize
he must not have been expecting something that looked like us
he must not have been expecting the dragon to be the prize

Well here is the thing, my dear

Love is not for everybody.

They tell you if you work hard, then anything can happen

But they don't tell you that there are right and wrong kinds of work, right and wrong kinds of 'anything'

So put your shoulder to the wheel and chip away at her walls

Even though she wasn't asking you to.

It's the wrong kind of work, but do it anyway

And when you finally get to her core you will see that she is not something for you to protect because she's made of lava

She burnt out her heart a long time ago

Because love isn't meant for everyone

So get burned on her for all of your hard work-

Not the right kind of 'anything'.

Spit out bitterness on the pavement when it gathers in your mouth like bile

Work harder, try to fix her

Oh, but what they don't tell you is that she has already fixed herself the way she wants to be and you, you cannot change a thing

Try to make her your princess in the castle, try to make her yours

And it will never work.

It will never work, she is making a life for herself that doesn't have you in it

The worst possible thing you can do is try to force yourself into her future.

Don't you know it's the 21st century? Don't you know she's got to make it for herself and not for anyone else?

I'm sorry you're learning this now

That I'm the one to tell you

But sweetheart, love

It's not meant for everyone.

I can see your ribs
Jacob's ladder holding your organs in tight
Count them up
Un deux trois
Cats on your socks
And the world on your shoulders

Are you a god that you can stand the weight of seven billion souls?

How many times have you seen night turn to day and back again?

You've got history stenciled into your skin
Your father's complexion and your mother's fingers
In a combination so significant that only the youth can relate
Hard to be, hard to grow
When your ancestors have already grown so tall behind you

Set down the planet for a while
Give it a good kick
Watch it roll
Time spun the wrong way
A million sunrises in a moment

Is this not better?
Teeth flashing in backtracked frowns
All the laughs before they happen

Jonah swallows the whale in this one

Maybe you should eat something too.

It’s just that you told me you wouldn't leave
Or maybe I was the one who made that promise
Or maybe I promised myself that you wouldn’t leave
That should have been the first warning sign
Sometimes I think the only person good enough for me is myself
Seeing as you left anyway
And I’m still here
With promises that maybe you made
Or maybe I made
Or maybe I made for you.

What I treasure most about you
Is not your smile
Not your clothes
Not your strength
Not your beauty
But the way you give and give and give
You'd give up the blood of your body
The second I loose a single drop to a scratch.
Be carful that the world doesn't bleed you dry.

You're looking for him because he's family

Simple as that

Ain't no thing but that, dear

He's family

So look for him

Find him

And let him go

Because darling,

Just 'cause he's your family

Don't carry much weight

In the souls of the wandering

So he sleeps behind his fathers counter,
little prince of a general store neighborhood dynasty

Is he a king, that he should doze on the throne?

Kings and boys- they’re all the same, anyway.
Anyway, make it three if a kind: kings + boys + Gods

A full hand, royal flush, this boy-king-god in his palace of cereal boxes
cheekbones polished by the flickering fluorescent light
the type flies are too afraid to land on, the type they land on anyway-
and here, he sleeps on; unbothered.

No one will believe you but me.

He will keep sleeping and you will keep stocking the shelves of his domain and nobody will believe you but me; justice passes by

The fly gets fried by the light overhead.

You saw it, he slept, and who would ever believe you but me?

Boys don't cry
and girls are quiet
so how is it
that this world
is so full of
silent screams
and messed up kids
you ask?

Body politics
Is this my flesh or yours?
Hard to tell, since I never loved you
I just wanted to be you

Come, faith
Steady my doing
And bless these thine crooked paths
That they may never lead to ruin
And if they do, that ruin be as breathtaking as the walls of Jericho before Joshua
Or Bathsheba’s smile

And if we be but mortals
Take my hand, anyway, dear one
And we will walk the path together.

There's a hollow below your neck
and a scar on the back of your head

easy. Trick or treat.

I know you, the way you move-
you wear masks all the time, one  made of rubber won't make a difference
I still know how to find your eyes

And that heart of yours that you wear on your sleeve
is not as disguised as you think

And besides, you're the only person I know who smiles
like that;

candy.

Silence.

Nothing.

Shards of glass littering the pavement,
cars crushed like coke cans in summer.

And the passenger sleeping-
neck bent at an odd angle ,
looking back at the car
with the legs still inside,
forgotten as easily as car keys

                            Or a seat belt

We ate the sunrise for breakfast
water black like motor oil
before the sun had a chance
to wake up and ignite it
and a girl that looked like coming home  

The hands of a best friend
holding a sparrow-delicate flower-
could have been my heart with
how little it looked
in her palms

Fleeting, fleeting
and gone

I watched, standing alone on my island
as she looked back
winked
loved me
and left.

Back tomorrow, always
for breakfast
to eat the sunrise
and put the sun himself
to shame

The stuff she's made of
it's not any material found on earth

She was supposed to be me,
I think,
before we were both made
since
I miss her like I miss my breath
when it gets knocked out of my chest.

The garbage truck sends noise crashing through the air
A plane adds to the din overhead and there-
A helicopter, hear it?
Thwup-thwup-thwup of the rotors
For a moment, there is no lockdown
There is not even a college or a crew team
Just me on the back porch in the mountains, looking up
Time bending full-circle.
I am eight and eighteen, looking up
The helicopter passes and so does the plane until all that’s left is the garbage truck and me on the back porch and my college professor begging the class to please, please pay attention over scratchy video feed.

"Maybe you should write a poem about grace"

Well, She was anything but graceful
crooked smile and sharp eyes
more akin to justice
or liberty, even
except sometimes
in the afternoon on rainy days
Grace came to me and held out a hand-
angels with chipped nail polish
and girls with reckless souls.

"Maybe you should write a poem about grace"

Grace comes suddenly
but she lands softly
on rainy days
in the afternoon
sometimes.

Can you codify a feeling?

Is the question bouncing around
the study group meeting a few tables away
from where I write my government paper

I think maybe you can't
I think maybe that's what poetry is supposed to be for:
to codify feelings
to make a container for a color

the color words taste in my mouth
when they make my bones ache

the color that leaves when you leave
that leaves when I leave
that spoils when we both leave-

Can you codify a feeling?
No. I don't think so.
And I don't think you can codify two people either
so maybe
we should just be.

We should just be
happy
You and I, uncodified.

You are sunshine

Just like she was

Born in July, you've got honey gold hair and blue eyes

Goofy personality

Darling, remind the sun to keep some of her warmth for herself instead of giving it all to you,

I can still feel the warmth of your hands on mine, admiring my ring, from this morning

You like shiny things

I've got shiny lies

You like me

I don't know why

But you don't make me anxious

And somehow you already knew about the last boy and you don’t care that I swing whatever way the wind is blowing

And I'm alright with that.

She is wild
He says she is beautiful

No, no, wild

He says she is beautiful if you would take two seconds to really look

But that would be rude, so wild she stays.

He laughs

"You are afraid."

Afraid? No. Wild things don't scare you

"You are afraid of falling in love."

Silence. Nothing.

She is wild.

"But you see, you already have."

She is wild. She is beautiful.

Gold's only got value
for people who want to buy things
And the only currency that I understand
are your smiles
So what good is gold to me,
Anyways?

Midnight boys with sunshine smiles
Sunshine girls with stars in their hair

Who you are is who you love

You love funny kind reckless both

You love smiles dark laughing

You love

You love

Please put your help back in the heart it came from,
mine isn't very good at holding help
isn't very good at holding anything at all-

People come and go
they go, they go, they go

And the second you hand over your help, I'll get back on my feet

I will walk away

You must know this.

Are you afraid yet?
Put it back, please.
Better I'm flat on my back with no air
than walking away lonely.

Put it back quickly, I'm ready to stand.

I think you've mastered the art of ventriloquy

Since I always seem to hear the things you've said about me

From mouths that aren't your own

and why?
because I've got to
get this thing
out of my chest

It's doing its best to suffocate me
or maybe just put me to sleep
but either way It's scaring me

because I know this feeling
and I know what the thing looks like
or at least
what it tastes like
and I know

I've got to get it out
I just
don't know how

See her smile
See the sun rise
See your world closing
until all you see is
Her, Her, Her
Tunnel vision like no other

You didn't fall, you flung yourself-
And Icarus, she didn't catch you.

Thing is, the sun, she rises
And you sank like a stone

The air feels like poppy seeds
ominous and warm
clouds heavy with yellow-green thunderstorms waiting to drop.

True love is a woman's color-
haven't you ever wondered why all God's angels are men?
Boys with wings that come and go and go and go
Ephemeral, fleeting

Yet mother earth continues to turn,
hiding her children in the folds of her skirt
a dance as old as time
older than the sun

And a weather girl laughs up at the sky
twirls in the image of her mother
pulls up the flowers

True love is not red
the sun is red

it is brown like the earth
like women
and it belongs to them more than it ever belonged to Gabriel.

This isn't to make you feel bad
it's just to explain
that I don't make compromises
because I know how quickly
a smile can swallow a girl whole
chew her up, spit her out
and keep on bearing perfect chiclit teeth.
So don't think you're pulling a fast one on me-
Let me tell you something: I have value and I am not for you to spend

"I thought"- What a dangerous phrase, goes both ways;
I thought they liked it/I though they wouldn't
Compromises desire and safety at the same time, corrupts them both
but the world moves and I've moved, and I'm older now, less compromising
now.

I don't care if you think I'm just another girl lighting things up
because I've ruined your good time
because you don't want to hear about "things like that"
I told you already, it's not to make you feel bad,
It's just my experience
it's just my life.

So, no, I won't sleep with you on the first date
and no, I won't feel bad about it.

That’s the truth of it, isn’t it?
Scuttling and sliding down
trajectories of our own making-
easier to go down than up.

Here it is: fear in the face of courage
Legends hanging upside down by their ankles.
Are they smiling or frowning?

Turn yourself upside down to see and suddenly you’re the one who’s trussed by your feet
Hands reaching out and grasping at grass, at straws.
You will see, then, why Atlas shrugged
why angels fall.
It’s right in front of your face, reflected in the eyes of an unassuming rabbit
looking up at you looking down:

Alice through the looking glass, indeed.

her color is yellow
Yellow like the golden rod swaying in the breeze
Yellow like the stickers of smiling faces
Just a kid in a body that could move the world
Worst part is, people expect it of her, expect her color to be imposing, a dark sultry red
But I know, I know her color is yellow

It’s not your shoes at all, actually.
It’s the way you tie them: firmly, decisively

You have good, strong hands:
Van Gogh’s starry night,
Michaelangelo’s David,
and your hands.
You have a very specific way of holding onto things
all at once or not at all
The mountain ridges of your knuckles.

But how could I explain a thing like that?
Instead, I say: “I saw someone with your shoes,
the purple new balance 360s,
and it made me miss you.”

But what it is,
what it really is,

is I saw those shoes and I saw hands that were not yours tying them.