Silence.

Nothing.

Shards of glass littering the pavement,
cars crushed like coke cans in summer.

And the passenger sleeping-
neck bent at an odd angle ,
looking back at the car
with the legs still inside,
forgotten as easily as car keys

                            Or a seat belt

You're looking for him because he's family

Simple as that

Ain't no thing but that, dear

He's family

So look for him

Find him

And let him go

Because darling,

Just 'cause he's your family

Don't carry much weight

In the souls of the wandering

Call me when

All that matters is
Empty pop bottles lined up
like toy soldiers
beads of summer rain slipping down the glass

Call me when

All that matters is
The garden bed dusted with snow
imprinted with little ticks of sparrows' feet
small enough to fit on postage stamps

Call me when

All that matters is
The chair in the living room
next to the blue bookcase
that houses all of the books by foreign authors
from places we always wanted to go

Call me when

This is home to you again.

Well here is the thing, my dear

Love is not for everybody.

They tell you if you work hard, then anything can happen

But they don't tell you that there are right and wrong kinds of work, right and wrong kinds of 'anything'

So put your shoulder to the wheel and chip away at her walls

Even though she wasn't asking you to.

It's the wrong kind of work, but do it anyway

And when you finally get to her core you will see that she is not something for you to protect because she's made of lava

She burnt out her heart a long time ago

Because love isn't meant for everyone

So get burned on her for all of your hard work-

Not the right kind of 'anything'.

Spit out bitterness on the pavement when it gathers in your mouth like bile

Work harder, try to fix her

Oh, but what they don't tell you is that she has already fixed herself the way she wants to be and you, you cannot change a thing

Try to make her your princess in the castle, try to make her yours

And it will never work.

It will never work, she is making a life for herself that doesn't have you in it

The worst possible thing you can do is try to force yourself into her future.

Don't you know it's the 21st century? Don't you know she's got to make it for herself and not for anyone else?

I'm sorry you're learning this now

That I'm the one to tell you

But sweetheart, love

It's not meant for everyone.

You’re real.

You’re raw and you’re messy and you’re real
Beautiful

You’re real beautiful.

So let him go gracefully lord knows
boys like to take-
Don’t let him take any more of your time

And don’t let him make you bitter

I know he was a nice substitute for sweetness
Because he was sugar and spice and everything nice
once upon a time for me, too

I’m not made for love

But don’t let him take that away from you

Life’s gonna hurt
And he’s gonna hurt

But darling you are real.

You’re fascinating and smart and real
Strong.

You’re real strong.

Everybody wants to rule the world

But to become god it the loneliest achievement of them all.

So hold onto the memories
And I’ll hold onto you

And we’ll rule the world together:

Two lost souls clinging to fragmented pasts-

Better than loneliness,
better than loneliness.

Let me tell you something:

You are worth more than the roses

You are worth more than anything he gives you,

More than kind words and compliments

More than loss and heartache

Let me tell you something:

You are worth more than the roses they will throw at your feet when you win and they do not

Worth more than the fake love and the crocodile smiles

Let me tell you something:

I can’t tell you how much you are worth to yourself

And I can’t make you see that you are worth even more than that

But to me, I can promise you this-

You are worthy of the world.

And so I hope that you take nothing less

Ghosts love stories
They say

So if we are both ghosts
Does that make this a love story?

Or will we drift apart back to old graveyards
Where the endings are familiar

Says it right on the stones, don’t you know?

Look at this one: died of a broke heart

Is it mine or yours or both of ours?
I can’t tell.

The thing about women
is that we are taught to be nothing
Consistently
and yet
still, after all this time
We manage to be something

It's the oldest story in the book:

I thought you were mine.

I thought you were mine but I didn't make my move

I sat on my hands and studied the chess board because I thought I was the queen

I didn't pay attention to the pawn working her way across the board

It's too late now.

I don't have any more pieces to stop her.

The worst part is, I think she deserves you more

That little common pawn Queen

I think she deserves you more than me.

Like I said, the oldest story in the book

Older than the knowledge that I wasn't necessarily born to rule.

How do you know when the
desire to sleep turns into something more than
simple sleep deprivation

How do you know when smiles don't add up the way
they used to

How do you know when emptiness in your
chest cavity starts to define
you

How do you know when you begin to give up things you like to do

How do you know when these aren't just characteristics of a

Well dressed

Stressed and

Unimpressed

Student

Trying to get by

Depression makes everything grey

For me,

Depression makes everything grey.

And it's hard to see the warning signs in full color when you get used to seeing in grey scale

How do you identify these warning signs for such a grey area disorder

How do you tell the real thing apart from life

I guess maybe

You don't. Because

It is a part of my life that comes and goes in waves

Gradually so that you don't notice the tide pooling around your ankles

The color bleeding out at the corners of your vision

Until your feet are stuck in the watery sand

Until it is all grey even though you know the leaves are green

Until it is too late

But how are you supposed to know?

I don't know: Grey Area

Sometimes I get thrown a little off balance
When I look over expecting to see
Boys I grew up with
Boys
Messy and sticky and smiling
Boys

But now they have five o'clock shadows and broad shoulders and car keys
Dangling from their fingers
Instead of Captain America action figures

And
Slicked back hair like mini movie stars
Instead of wild cow licks

I get thrown off balance when I look over and see
Childhood in a time warp

Proportional bodies,
Thinner faces
But
With smiles still reckless

Except this time
It's not the innocent kind.

It’s just that you told me you wouldn't leave
Or maybe I was the one who made that promise
Or maybe I promised myself that you wouldn’t leave
That should have been the first warning sign
Sometimes I think the only person good enough for me is myself
Seeing as you left anyway
And I’m still here
With promises that maybe you made
Or maybe I made
Or maybe I made for you.

In the space between the stars
the black cosmos stares back hungrily,
thirsty for adventure

Little boys now turned men
lying in gutters
looking up at the sky

See her smile
See the sun rise
See your world closing
until all you see is
Her, Her, Her
Tunnel vision like no other

You didn't fall, you flung yourself-
And Icarus, she didn't catch you.

Thing is, the sun, she rises
And you sank like a stone

Nickelback dreams
written like wishes-
Creased over pages and
broken-book-spines
donated to used bookstores.
Pick out something new-
Smells like money
Smells like success
Smells like
somebody else's words in my mouth,
Hard to chew on
Hard covers poking
into hands used to holding
paper backs.
They weren't too fancy
but at least they were mine

Gold's only got value
for people who want to buy things
And the only currency that I understand
are your smiles
So what good is gold to me,
Anyways?

Boys don't cry
and girls are quiet
so how is it
that this world
is so full of
silent screams
and messed up kids
you ask?

Here is what I know:

You give and you give and you give

Because that's all you know how to do now

Because

Maybe if you keep giving you will be a good daughter

Except somewhere you must have gotten it wrong, gotten mixed up between the duties of a father and a daughter-

But you give and you give and you give

Maybe... maybe you can show him how worthy you are of love

Maybe... maybe he will learn how to give too

But

He takes.

Here is what I know:

He takes and takes and takes

He does not know what grade you are in but

You give him kindness

anyway

You give him love

anyway-

Darling, give him one more thing.

Give up.

When we were kids,

I loved you so sweetly

I loved you like I loved the taste of strawberries on my tongue

When we were kids,

I loved you in innocence

Under the mindset that you fit comfortably next to me when I lined my life up

Putting all the people together until they stretched like a road in front of me

A path to my success.

My road has potholes aplenty now

From where people left

It has different pieces and bumps in the asphalt from where people came in

It has speedbumps behind me from where I had to slow down over a heartbreak

Oh, when we were kids, I loved you so sweetly.

I like you now. I like you.

See, my tire rims have been dented so easily by the potholes in my journey

And I don't have the money to replace them if you decide to pick up your piece of the concrete and leave.

Here is what I know:

You give and you give and you give

You give everything to be his daughter, want to be just like him

Want to be loved

Want to be wanted

And he

Takes that at face value

A father must earn his title

You gave him his in advance in hopes that he'd earn it

Instead, somewhere along the way

You mixed it up, thought it was the daughter who needed to provide

Here is what I know:

He takes.

He takes.

He takes.

Give him one last thing, my dear.

Give him up.

I think you've mastered the art of ventriloquy

Since I always seem to hear the things you've said about me

From mouths that aren't your own

her color is yellow
Yellow like the golden rod swaying in the breeze
Yellow like the stickers of smiling faces
Just a kid in a body that could move the world
Worst part is, people expect it of her, expect her color to be imposing, a dark sultry red
But I know, I know her color is yellow

She is wild
He says she is beautiful

No, no, wild

He says she is beautiful if you would take two seconds to really look

But that would be rude, so wild she stays.

He laughs

"You are afraid."

Afraid? No. Wild things don't scare you

"You are afraid of falling in love."

Silence. Nothing.

She is wild.

"But you see, you already have."

She is wild. She is beautiful.

Pull me down
Farther, farther
Into the depths of the Earth
Pull me down, down, down
Until my skin touches the core, red hot
And then farther
Down past molten rock
Down to dust
Down to nothing
So that I may make myself once more

liquid steel, I swear to you, it's what runs in your veins
You bleed silver and grey
Bending and changing
Hot mettle burning out all of your insecurities
Filling the vacancies they leave with something stronger-
And that's what life does to us, right?
Takes the soft vulnerable parts
Makes them mean
Makes them strong
Like you are.
Strong.
Strong as steel
Rough and tumble
The stuff they make steam engines with
the stuff used to build bridges
to build machines.
Take out your heart, it's the last soft thing left after your smile
After your eyes
Fill the hole in your chest with that steel that replaced your blood
You are not a nice person
But at least you won't be broken.

Here's the thing,
It will be alright in the end, I'm told
And if it's not alright, then it can't be the end...
And sometimes I want everything to end,
To bring the world down screaming with me into the flames.
So thank you for stepping in and making it alright with your laugh and your hugs,
For bringing an end of your own that made way to a new beginning,
a healthier way to rise from the ashes of my own making-
A Phoenix.
Because you and I, my dear,
We are made of the same stuff deep down,
So that has to mean that it wasn't a mistake.

Recovery isn't linear

And there was always something wild that called you home.

Could have been me, could have been the wind

Seems we both found refuge running fingers through your hair.

How many prayers does the devil say at night

Does he pray for the ******? For the lonely, wretched souls?

How many Hail Maries does it take to make a poor man smile

Does he know the difference between love and a bottle?

Do you know the difference between love and a bottle?

"Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet"

  Is that why only the good die young?

  Why young people seem so desperate to leave this earth?

  "**** me now" thrown like casual greetings across school hallways

  Makes it so hard to tell who's really hurting and who's bluffing

  In this strip poker game against life where life always wins

  Takes the clothes right off your back and leaves you naked with a bad hand knowing soon you'll have to sell your body

  And maybe I want to live long enough to see the world end

  Would that be enough compensation?

  I don't think so, because nothing will erase the pain of seeing something beautiful for the first time.

  Except I think that's what they call happiness now, isn't it?

  Because tears don't count unless they're shed over big problems so fake it,

  Bluff it

  I know the moment I get my cards that this second chance was only a play to keep me in the game for one more hand-

  Let's see how much I can loose.

Oh, the feeling

Of looking in the mirror

And knowing in your heart that maybe you could be enough

If your chest wasn't hollow

And maybe you would know how to be happy, remember what it was like to be calm

If the head wasn't on fire

The brain is making a funeral pyre for the loss of the soul

But there's nothing in this body left to burn

So it's throwing itself up in flames.

I like you more than anything that I could ever hope to become.
I want to see you one day on the movie screens and smile
I want to see your face on a billboard and think thank goodness, thank goodness,
That not all of the good die young.

What I treasure most about you
Is not your smile
Not your clothes
Not your strength
Not your beauty
But the way you give and give and give
You'd give up the blood of your body
The second I loose a single drop to a scratch.
Be carful that the world doesn't bleed you dry.