The thing about women
is that we are taught to be nothing
Consistently
and yet
still, after all this time
We manage to be something

It's the oldest story in the book:

I thought you were mine.

I thought you were mine but I didn't make my move

I sat on my hands and studied the chess board because I thought I was the queen

I didn't pay attention to the pawn working her way across the board

It's too late now.

I don't have any more pieces to stop her.

The worst part is, I think she deserves you more

That little common pawn Queen

I think she deserves you more than me.

Like I said, the oldest story in the book

Older than the knowledge that I wasn't necessarily born to rule.

How do you know when the
desire to sleep turns into something more than
simple sleep deprivation

How do you know when smiles don't add up the way
they used to

How do you know when emptiness in your
chest cavity starts to define
you

How do you know when you begin to give up things you like to do

How do you know when these aren't just characteristics of a

Well dressed

Stressed and

Unimpressed

Student

Trying to get by

Depression makes everything grey

For me,

Depression makes everything grey.

And it's hard to see the warning signs in full color when you get used to seeing in grey scale

How do you identify these warning signs for such a grey area disorder

How do you tell the real thing apart from life

I guess maybe

You don't. Because

It is a part of my life that comes and goes in waves

Gradually so that you don't notice the tide pooling around your ankles

The color bleeding out at the corners of your vision

Until your feet are stuck in the watery sand

Until it is all grey even though you know the leaves are green

Until it is too late

But how are you supposed to know?

I don't know: Grey Area

Sometimes I get thrown a little off balance
When I look over expecting to see
Boys I grew up with
Boys
Messy and sticky and smiling
Boys

But now they have five o'clock shadows and broad shoulders and car keys
Dangling from their fingers
Instead of Captain America action figures

And
Slicked back hair like mini movie stars
Instead of wild cow licks

I get thrown off balance when I look over and see
Childhood in a time warp

Proportional bodies,
Thinner faces
But
With smiles still reckless

Except this time
It's not the innocent kind.

It’s just that you told me you wouldn't leave
Or maybe I was the one who made that promise
Or maybe I promised myself that you wouldn’t leave
That should have been the first warning sign
Sometimes I think the only person good enough for me is myself
Seeing as you left anyway
And I’m still here
With promises that maybe you made
Or maybe I made
Or maybe I made for you.

In the space between the stars
the black cosmos stares back hungrily,
thirsty for adventure

Little boys now turned men
lying in gutters
looking up at the sky

See her smile
See the sun rise
See your world closing
until all you see is
Her, Her, Her
Tunnel vision like no other

You didn't fall, you flung yourself-
And Icarus, she didn't catch you.

Thing is, the sun, she rises
And you sank like a stone