It must have been about 3am,
When all the traffic died out,
Just for a minute,
I was caught in silence,
Just for a minute,
I was alone with my thoughts,
Then the cars came rumbling by.

I wish I was brave enough,
To tell my mum that although I love her;
I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover,
Losing my family so young was tough,
It took me a while to rise above,
But when I am a mother, God forbid,
I ever treat my children like you did,
Calling it love.

Do not speak to me of pain,
Until you’ve had your heart broken,
So fiercely it leaves you winded,
Knowing you’ll never love again.

Do not speak to me of loss,
Until you’ve lost every single person,
Got so drunk you forgot your name,
Burnt all the bridges you can cross.

Do not speak to me of guilt,
Until you’ve ruined your whole life,
Lost your mind to the point of insanity,
Where nothing can ever be rebuilt.

This year, loneliness befriended me in a new way,
She was always there like a shadow in my mind,
But this past year, she has become so much more,
We sit in mundane silence like any other day,
But, I find silence reassuring,
Drinking coffee on the porch in the pouring rain,
As she whispers my secrets to the wind,
She has a tenderness that’s alluring,
I embraced her presence and she taught me to ascend,
In the realm above the thought of being alone,
I’ll clean my house while she declutters my mind,
The art of loving myself turned her into a friend.

On the nights when I had nothing,
But sorrow to null me to sleep,
I would tell myself that tomorrow,
Might bring me a little something.

I love thunderstorms, they remind me that even the sky cracks sometimes.