If you could see me now
You'd recognize me
In a heartbeat

You'd recognize this act
As a façade
A way of hiding the scar
That never truly healed

Despite the years
And all the changes
The events that
Changed our lives
For better or worse

All peel back
Bit by bit
Turning me into that
Naive innocent kid
Once more

All those defences
I've put up
All come crumbling down
Bit by bit
Piece by piece

In front of you
They amount to nothing
No ungodly force
Capable of stopping you

Stopping what you represent
That image forever ingrained
In my heart and mind

The culmination of love
Pain, joy, commitment
And all those emotions
That make the foundation
Of a relationship

One we never had
One we never will
Yet the standard I use
When it comes to others

You
Someone I never had
Have set the bar
For all that I shall have
In the future

So far not one
Has met that standard

Maybe it's just me
Or the standard you set
Is much too high

All I know
Is that it's lonely
Up here

Drinking alone
In this bar
So high off the ground

Won't you join me
One last time?

Some nights
I stand on stage
And read lines I have written
Lend my soul to strangers
And hope they enjoy it for the hour
I look out from blackness
To a crowd of many faces
But none of them
Are for me
Afterwards
I step out to greeting hands on shoulders
Smiling patrons with admiring words
But none of them
Are familiar
None of them
Are for me
I do not invite
Those I love
And the ones I do invite
Never come
Because they don't really love me at all
I do not invite
Those who do
To come watch me dissolve
Underneath these bright lights
I do not spill myself out
To those who already know what lays inside
My poetry is a blanket for everything ugly
And there is no need
To place it on those who have already seen what is underneath
Some nights
I am saddened by this
By entertaining a crowd that knows nothing more
Than my name and writing
Yes they have seen me bleed
And to them,
It is nothing more
Than an act
But there is no clotting after the show
No army of white blood cells to end the spillage
It is just me
Along with the remnants of what I've poured out that day
What people often forget
Is that my words follow me home
Some nights
I share them with others
But most nights
I keep them to myself
And every night
They stay with me
Sleep in my bed
The only good is in the reassurance
Of knowing they will be there
In the morning
Unlike every other
Who has left after the ******
Everyone
Always leaves
And I am afraid
That if I wring myself empty
To those who already love me
They will do the same
I do not know
How to clean up my mess with pride
I only know
How to sweep it aside
So for now
I will continue
To stand on stage
And read lines I have written
Lend my soul to strangers
And hope they enjoy it for the hour
I know they will
My performance
Is their escape.

You, a spring meadow
Bringing life with every step you take.
Flowers come to life when you smile.
The birds chirp alongside your laughter.
Your scent in sync with the pines.
Every word you speak reverberating across infinity.
You are the quintessence of life
Wrapped inside a mortal frame.

I yearn for
The most ordinary
Type of beauty

One that does not
Steal your
Breath away

Or cause your
Heartbeat
To quicken

But one you
Do not
Tire looking at

That garners more
Love and adoration
With the passing
Of time

Towering over me
Like the giants they are
The custodians of wisdom
Of a bygone era
Benevolent sages
Full of life
The keepers of immortality
And the secrets of death

The time will never
Be right
Nor can it ever be
For time does not
Dictate what occurs
Or will occur
Merely records it
In passing

You deserve the world
But all I can offer you
Is this page filled with words